Jason Tankerley

Monday & Tuesday

2012-01-31T23:22:00.003-05:00

Monday:

I don't think I even walked outside once. Not much to write about.

Tuesday:

Today I woke up around 7 and drove Julia to work. I watched "Almost Famous" for the first time when I got back. I liked it, but I think I should watch it again before giving it a real review.

At 1:00pm, I went to the dentist and finished my first root canal. They also started in on the second one.

It took over 2 hours, but at least my teeth don't hurt anymore. After that I went to Sinai to pick up the title to Julia's new car from Deb. Later on I picked up Julia from work and had Town Spa for dinner. That's pretty much everything that I did today.

I've been looking into how much money it would cost if I were to press Energy's "Punch The Clock" to vinyl and it's very expensive. The only way I could even turn an eventual profit would be to press at least 300 copies. If I were to press 200 on black and 100 on color, it would cost me over $750...and that doesn't include printing the layout. Overall, this project would probably cost me around $1,000.

I started putting together a Kickstarter for this project, but I'm not sure how much money I should set my goal at. I can contribute a little bit of money, but not a lot...so I'm thinking of setting a goal of around $700. I can't imagine that we'd be able to create enough interest in this project to generate that kind of money...but I've seen some shitty project ideas reach similar goals, so who knows.

I can't even count how many times people have asked me at Energy shows over the years if we have "Punch The Clock" for sale...and every single time I have to disappoint them and tell them that only 1,000 CDs were pressed, and those have been out of print since 2007. Every time the E.P. is mentioned online, everyone keeps telling us to press it to vinyl. These are the reasons why I think I will be successful in making my money back. I just need to actually get the money to press them in the first place.

I don't know if anyone even reads this blog, but if you do: What are your thoughts on this idea?

Sunday

2012-01-29T20:58:00.004-05:00

Update #2:

I didn't do much today, just did some laundry, went to IKEA to look at some mattresses for when Julia gets her taxes back, and then went home.

My tooth hurts more and more with each passing day. I can't wait until Tuesday.

There really wasn't much else to my day today and I don't have much to say about anything else.

Saturday

2012-01-29T12:20:00.003-05:00

I'm going to try to make two updates today.

Yesterday Julia and I went to my step grandmother Helena's apartment and cleared out a few things with my dad and Deb. After that we just hung out in our apartment for a bit until later when we went to Holbrook and dropped off the tables that Matt wanted. Sean was there and we ended up staying until almost 2am.

That pretty much sums up Saturday.

P.S. I'm not liking this blogger app too much. You can't even turn the phone sideways to type, so making an update ends up taking 3 times longer. Oh well.

Friday

2012-01-27T23:35:00.004-05:00

Today I woke up and realized that the records I ordered from Epitaph Records would be arriving any minute. This immediately made my day. I ordered Rancid's "...And Out Come The Wolves", Bad Religion's "The Process Of Belief", and Bad Religion's self titled debut 7 inch...all of which arrived defective of course.

The BR LP plays fine but is visibly warped, the Rancid LP is extremely warped and plays horribly, and the BR 7 inch isn't warped but has a skip during the song "Drastic Actions". I don't understand how it's possible that I seem to obtain so many damaged records. Almost every single time I buy brand new records from somewhere, at least one of them is fucked, yet I buy an original pressing of The Beatles' "Let It Be" from over 40 years ago and it's straight as an arrow and plays beautifully. I wouldn't even be that annoyed if all I had to do was go to Newbury Comics and exchange them, but that's not the case here. I now have to wait for them to send me a shipping label in the mail, package the records back up, send them back, and then wait who the hell knows how long until I finally receive my undamaged records. I got them to agree to open the records and check them before sending me my replacements. Oh well. This isn't an actual problem, just something mildly annoying that I felt like explaining here.

Julia purchased tickets for us to go see Andrew W.K. on March 28th at The Paradise in Boston. I can't wait. I just hope that Eric and everyone else I know that wants to go ends up getting tickets before they sell out, but I know they won't. I had to buy like 5 tickets to Danzig when he first reunited with Doyle back in 2005 just to get other people to go. I don't know why everyone I know seems to hate planning/thinking ahead.

Once Julia came home she went to the RMV to get her new license. Her official form of identification now says "Julia Tankerley". After that, we went to the gym and did shoulders & legs. It wasn't a very good gym day for either of us. I did what I needed to do, but I was pretty drained by the time we left. We didn't even bother running. After the gym we came home and rented/watched Tim & Eric's "Billion Dollar Movie". It was definitely hilarious, but like a lot of things T&E related - I'll have to re-watch it a few times to really soak it in.

That's pretty much what my entire day consisted of. I will now finish listening to Black Sabbath's "Master Of Reality" and continue to obsess over how I need to upgrade to the Audio-Technica LP120 turntable.

Thursday

2012-01-26T23:58:00.010-05:00

Today I woke up and realized that my tooth hurts - but only when I click my teeth together. This happens far more often than you'd think though, you just never realize how often you do it until it starts to send a horrible zinging pain into your gum. Oh well, I'll just have to put up with it until they finish my root canal on Tuesday.

I spent most of the day watching videos of people talking about their record collections, videos of turntable reviews, etc. I know, not very interesting. I'm considering buying this one when I get the money:

Once Julia came home we headed to the laundromat to wash her brand new blanket because our cat threw up on it. If it were up to me, I would never own another animal for the rest of my life. They're nothing but a pain in the ass. I love animals, but I hate animals inside my home. After that we went to BJ's and got a few things, picked up the blanket, and headed home for the night.

At around 9:00pm, Andrew W.K. held his weekly party chat on Stickam and I won a sticker. I won because I was the first person to correctly guess which T.V. character's catch phrase was "Hey now". This is the first time that I've ever won anything from one of his chats:

Tickets for his show on March 28th at The Paradise in Boston go on sale tomorrow at either 10:00am or at noon...I really hope Julia and I can get a pair before the show totally sells out. At this show, he will be performing his album "I Get Wet" in it's entirety in honor of the 10th anniversary since it's initial release in America. I've never actually been to an Andrew W.K. show before. I saw him back in 2003 or 2004 at Warped Tour, but I had to stay in the back and watch from a distance because I had just recently undergone stomach surgery and the doctor told me not to do anything that could disturb the healing process. On March 23rd, 2010, I saw him perform an acoustic set at the Newbury Comics in Norwood, but I don't really consider that "having seen Andrew W.K. either".

Not much else to write about really, so I'll end this here.

Wednesday

2012-01-25T21:36:00.005-05:00

It's only 9:30 and I'm exhausted. I didn't even do anything today. I just sat around on the internet waiting for Julia to come home, ate Town Spa, went out to the store, and here I am. I think I'm probably still just a little sick. On the way to the store I shipped out the Defeater record that I sold on eBay. I included an Invasions Of The Mind LP, and a Walk Into The Fire EP just for the hell of it.

I'm not looking forward to having to get another needle stuck into the roof of my mouth next Tuesday. I really wish I could stop panicking about every single negative thing in life. Oh well, I'm sure I'll get over it.

I don't really have much else to say today, so I think I'll just end this update here. I hope I'm calmer tomorrow.

Tuesday

2012-01-24T18:49:00.005-05:00

After less than 24 hours, I'm already not so sure about using "Squarespace" as my primary blog. I already have all these backdated entries on here, plus the iPhone app for Blogger is just as easy to use as the Squarespace one is. I think I might just start posting here as often as I can again. I considered maybe making blog notes on Facebook every day, but I feel that will just annoy everyone. I also considered using Tumblr because it seems to be the site that everyone uses, but I always feel that it gets completely overlooked when people make text/blog updates on there. Lately I have been thinking a lot about keeping track of my life, even if it is extremely uneventful. I want to be able to look back on a specific year of my life and remember tiny details about everything that I did. So...here's what I did today:

I woke up, took a shower, then picked up Eric. We went to Newbury Comics for a bit, then I dropped him off at Al's. A few hours later I went to the dentist. The root canal wasn't too bad, it was just gross. I go back in one week to have it finished, and then I have two more teeth that need root canals...not to mention like a dozen that need fillings. Right now I have a fake little cap thing where my front tooth should be and I can't bite down on anything really. I swear I will never neglect my teeth again.

Right now I'm waiting for Julia to come home from work and trying to think of what I can get at the store that won't be too hard for me to chew.

I really need to get a job. The last time Energy toured was late 2009...I haven't really had a valid excuse for being unemployed for QUITE some time now. I just can't stand the thought of working at some job that I hate every day for the rest of my life. I wouldn't mind working at Newbury Comics. Working at a record store has always been something that I wanted to do since I was a teenager. Of course watching "High Fidelity" once a week for the past few months probably has something to do with it. I would rather make less than 10 dollars an hour working at a record store than be making twice that amount working some shitty job that I hate. I've actually applied at both of the closest Newbury Comics' locations, but they both said they weren't hiring. I guess I'll just have to wait on that and hope for the best. I also wouldn't mind being a delivery driver for some pizza/food place. I applied at some place in Easton a few months ago and they even had me in for an interview...but I never heard back from them.

I just have no idea what I'm going to do with my life. I always thought I'd be a career musician, but it's becoming more and more apparent that not only is that not very likely, but I'm not even so sure that I even WANT to give it another run. I am a much happier person now that I am home all the time. I just want to continue writing, recording, and playing out live occasionally because I enjoy that aspect of being in a band.

I think I'm going to head out to the store right now to find something that I can eat. I'll probably just end up buying soy milk. I REALLY hate being such a picky eater.

First Update of 2012

2012-01-24T18:05:00.004-05:00

Taken from my "Squarespace" update late last night/early this morning:

After spending the last few days archiving photos, locations, journal entries, etc. on Facebook, I've decided to start blogging again. I am choosing "Squarespace" for now because of Penn Jillette's ads during his "Penn Point" videos.

Today I woke up feeling pretty sick. I'm pretty sure that I either caught a cold from Mike or my Dad. I never get too concerned with head colds though. They just come, make life less comfortable for a while, then go. Nothing too bad.

I spent most of the first half of my day taking photos of old photos with my iPhone. Like I said, I've been archiving a lot of my life on Facebook lately and the two most important things to archive are old photos and locations across the country (and world) that I've travelled to. Last night Conor and I mentally retraced our steps through a couple of old tours through text messaging. I think we did a pretty good job...and of course by "we" I mean "he". I know that I'm definitely annoying a lot I people by flooding their news feeds with all of these updates, but in my mind doing this is far more important than possibly interacting with a bunch of people that I never see in real life anyway. I hope to eventually have at least one photo from every year of my life, and as many tour dates as possible.

Julia came home around 5:30/6:00 and did her taxes. Apparently since we're married now, she will be receiving quite a bit of extra money this year because I am unemployed. At least there's one way she's benefiting from my laziness. After her taxes were all figured out and completed, we headed to Rite Aid to pick up my prescription of Vitamin D that the doctor filled out for me last week. However, when we got there, we realized that the pills were in gel caps...so they weren't vegan. We ended up not filling the prescription and deciding that I'll just take a lower dosage of the over the counter ones that are vegan. I won't be able to start taking them until Wednesday though because we don't have any money until Julia gets paid. Oh well, we probably wouldn't have been able to afford the prescription even if it was vegan.

Later on I read about 25 pages of Steve Jobs' biography. This is the most that I've read in a while. I read. Lot online, but I hardly ever read books these days. I guess it just takes something that really interests me to keep me focused. I hope to continue reading a lot more, but we'll see.

I'm going to wrap this entry up now because I want to make sure that I get a good night of sleep for my root canal later today. I've never had one done before and I'm hoping it's not as horrible as it sounds. While I know that it won't be the most pleasant thing I've ever experienced...at least I'm not dying.

Not making any promises...

2011-02-09T01:49:00.007-05:00

...but I might update this more often.

Even though Tumblr is far superior for photo/video/audio/etc posts, Blogger is a lot more "blog friendly" in my opinion. I feel that when people make blog/journal posts on Tumblr it comes across as somewhat awkward, or it just gets overlooked in general. I know that on multiple occasions since I started using Tumblr more often, I found myself not posting journal type entries because it didn't feel as comfortable as Blogger did.

Today Energy posted the song "Be My Victimtine" for Valentine's Day over at http://ThisEnergy.com

I put together this quick little video interview with Mike regarding the song. I filmed it using my iPhone 4:

I guess I'll give a brief, scattered review of 2010:

The only music that came out that I can think of off the top of my head that I actually liked was Danzig's "Deth Red Sabaoth". I didn't tour at ALL, which made my year a thousand times better than any of the other years Energy was a band. I got into photography, which I am still very interested in learning and getting better at. I didn't write much except for a song called "Dead In Dreamland" which we just recently recorded. I didn't hang out with too many people because I don't really have any friends anymore. I stopped using shampoo, conditioner, and soap. I also stopped straightening my hair. Energy recorded and released Walk Into The Fire and nobody cared. Energy recorded and released a 2 song digital Christmas E.P. of covers. We don't even play out locally anymore. I'm pretty sure this year everyone in the band came to the full realization that Energy will never be our main source of income, nor will it probably ever even become a source of income at all. I spent over a week in the hospital because of a bowel obstruction caused by scar tissue from a surgery I had like 6 or 7 years ago that was completely unpreventable and, according to the doctor, could very well happen again at any moment. I didn't work a single day in 2010, but I want to find a "job" as long as it doesn't make me want to kill myself. There were also a few changes made in my life that I'm not going to go into detail about here, but if you know me personally you probably know the things I'm talking about. I'm not just talking about one thing particular either.

I think that's pretty much it. A boring, uneventful year...but I spent it hanging out at home with Julia, so it was one of the best years in recent memory. Yes, even with all the negative shit I just mentioned in that paragraph it was still one of the best years in recent memory...

So far in 2011 I have been doing exactly what I did in 2010...just sitting here in front of this computer screen all day every day. So little ever happens in my life that I seriously wonder how I'll even be able to update this on a weekly or even monthly basis. I did get an iPhone 4 already this year, and it is probably the best piece of technology I've ever owned. I can't believe more people don't just marvel at incredible shit like this. I can video chat with Julia while she's at work...amazing. My main goal for this year is to figure out a way to bring in some money, but I honestly have no idea how I'm going to do that. I'd love to get a few paying photography jobs, but I know that I have so much more to learn and I feel stupid charging people, or even calling myself a "photographer". Either way, I need to make some money. I just hate myself more and more every second of my life that goes by because of how much of a loser I am.

I'll end this on probably the most depressing note I can:

I'm not kidding or exaggerating in any way at all when I say this but...the following is my actual outlook. I wish it wasn't, but it is: I used to have a lot of friends, and then I lost a lot of them...but then I realized that there is no such thing as a friend. There are just people in your life that you can personally gain from until the pros are outweighed by the cons and it's time to move on. You also have to accept that that's all they are using you for as well. I am slowly trying to make peace with this reality.

I don't really use this anymore

2010-09-07T03:30:00.003-04:00

http://jasontankerley.tumblr.com
http://jasontankerley.tumblr.com
http://jasontankerley.tumblr.com

This is my new blog. If there's anyone who keeps checking this site for updates, please go to: http://jasontankerley.tumblr.com

Hair

2010-04-28T05:15:00.009-04:00

This is a question that I answered earlier from the Energy Formspring:

Tank, you said in your last blog post that you stopped washing your hair. I have been wanting to do this, but every time I don't wash my hair for a couple days it gets real itchy. Did this happen to you?

That used to happen when I'd go a day or 2 without showering, but that's because there was no water touching my head. The reason it gets itchy is because your scalp is dry from all the shampoo stripping it of moisture, and there is a lot of dirt build up. What you need to do is wash your hair with warm water in the shower and vigorously rub and scratch your scalp. It will disperse all of the natural oils into your skin, while at the same time breaking up all the dirt build up. I stopped shampooing and conditioning, but I obviously wash my hair with water in the shower. I am thoroughly intrigued by this idea, and Thursday will mark 1 month of shampoo/conditioner free hair for me, and my hair has never looked/felt better... so I'm excited to speak on this topic. If you have any other questions about this, let me know.

- Tank

Yes

2010-04-23T04:10:00.004-04:00

A few hours ago I made yet another long winded entry complaining about music, but I decided not to post it publicly. I thought about it a lot and decided that while I undoubtedly needed to get it all out of my system, there was no reason to post what was in the entry. I didn't bash anyone in particular, I just feel that it would be unnecessary negativity. This may not seem like a big deal to you, but holding back any amount of negativity is a VERY big deal for me.

Lately I've just been sitting in my apartment as usual. I just wake up, sit down on the computer for a few hours, maybe watch something on T.V., and wait for Julia to come home. We'll make dinner and watch Seinfeld, then sometimes I'll go to the gym with Jere around 8:30. Julia goes to bed around 11 or 12, and from there I stay up all night until like 4 or 5 am either by myself, or over at Mike's while trying to make music. I don't really do anything that interesting.

The other night we finished writing what will be the final song of our 4 song E.P. The song is called "Let's Get Away". For some reason, I just didn't have much to contribute to the song other than maybe a few minor melody suggestions, and a lyric or 2, so I feel like this song is going to be credited to just Mike. Rightfully so. I'm all about giving credit when due, and credit is definitely due there. Mike also started writing what will be the second track on the E.P., so all we need to do is finish writing that, demo the 2 songs, rehearse them as a live band, and start laying them down in the studio.

We're going to be recording the E.P. at The Outpost, which is basically right across the street from my apartment. Mike and I have discussed having Joe, Conor, and Keith play live to a metronome, and recording Conor and Keith's parts. Joe will serve as a live aide to enhance the live feel, and will overdub his guitars afterward. Once we get the drums, bass, and rhythm guitars tracked, we're going to ship all the files to Mike's and record vocals, keyboards, and additional guitar overdubs along with anything else we think of. Once we're done tracking at Mike's, we'll send the files back to Jim at The Outpost and have him mix it. If all goes according to plan, this will be our best/biggest sounding release to date. We're going to call the E.P. "Walk Into The Fire", and there has been loose talk of shooting a music video for the title track.

This E.P. marks the dawn of a new era for Energy due to Mike Rendini's songwriting contributions. If there are Energy fans out there that want us to remain a fast paced, hardcore punk band forever (which I'm sure there are), then we're going to disappoint you with this release, and almost certainly with all future releases. I'm not saying that we won't write another song like that ever again, it's just that I feel we operate better as a band when playing songs like the ones on our new E.P. Not to mention the caliber songs that we're churning out now (again thanks to Mike) just wouldn't sound good if we forced them over fast music. We'll always be up for playing certain Punch The Clock or Invasions Of The Mind songs live, but as far as new material goes...we just have to progress and push forward. There are only so many songs we can write with that same fast drum beat before it seems like we're writing the same song over and over again. I will say this though: If you like good music in general, you will like our new stuff.

In other news, I haven't washed my hair since March 29th. You'd think my hair smells, is disgusting, knotted up, and just gross, but it's quite the opposite. You actually don't need to wash your hair with shampoo and/or conditioner...ever. Shampoo actually strips your hair of the natural healthy oils that conditioners only temporarily put back into your hair. Not to mention that from what I've read, there are certain oils and minerals that your scalp naturally produces that conditioners DON'T replace. Washing your hair in the shower with warm water is good enough. My hair has never looked/felt better.

Don't believe me? Maybe you'll believe Andrew W.K.

This is where I initially got the idea from, then I started reading into it more only to find out that he is 100 percent correct. This will prove to be way less of a pain in the ass when I'm touring because I won't need to carry around a big bottle of shampoo and a big bottle of conditioner in my bag.

I do plan on getting my hair trimmed soon, hopefully this weekend or next week. I will be able to do this because someone is buying my X watch from me for 300 dollars. I was initially going to get a camera with this money so that I can start messing around with photography, but we need to pay some bills with some of the money, and the remaining money isn't enough towards a good camera. Julia told me to get myself some things that I need because she will have enough money to get a camera on June 2nd. I plan on buying some new jeans, a bunch of solid black T-shirts, a haircut, new shoes (possibly), and the Danzig lyric book (yes I NEED it).

ALSO, I forgot to mention that I made an appointment for May 25th to start getting some of the hours of tattoos that are owed to me. I am owed 12 to be exact. I can't wait. It's been over 2 years since I've gotten tattooed.

I really don't have much to complain about in life. I have a girlfriend that I'm in love with, she pays for me to have a place to live, food for me to eat, I have constant access to 2 computers at once...one of which is hooked up to my HD LCD flat screen T.V. where I can watch any of the THOUSAND gigabytes worth of videos I have on my hard drive, a Sidekick LX...I'm getting 12 hours of free tattoos, Jere has a free guest pass with his gym membership so I've been going all the time with him for free, and my band is writing our best material yet. Why would anyone in my situation complain? I couldn't tell you really, but I do...and I know that I shouldn't. That's human nature though. No matter how good someone has it, they'll find something that they are unhappy with. Sorry for being human.

I think I'm done with this update. I'll end it with

Currently listening to:

Pictures

2010-04-18T17:04:00.002-04:00

Some of my favorite photos of me on stage. All taken by Reid Haithcock.

Video update: Me, Energy, COTN, etc

2010-03-20T02:29:00.006-04:00

I don't really do much, so I figured I'd try something new by making a video update instead of a long, written update. Of course it skips and fucks up the whole thing like 2 minutes in. I really wish the video stayed synced up with the audio for the whole thing, but at least you can hear everything I said. Whatever.

P.S.

This was a little awkward because I'm basically talking to myself when I do it. I guess I just need some more practice VLogging or whatever you want to call it.

You brought us here today, but we took it all and threw it away

2010-03-06T04:02:00.004-05:00

I know this is going to seem a little redundant, but having to deal with these feelings is getting redundant, so I'm not going to stop until they go away:

In my eyes, music is in such a sad state. I feel like the bands that make the music, and the kids that are going to the shows don't even feel anything anymore. I know that if kids were getting bombarded with emotion and passion the way I was between the ages of 13 and 19, they wouldn't settle for the shit that the bands of today call "music". Which in turn would probably make those kids start great bands of their own once they got older. There is some element missing in all of this. I miss being interested in newer bands coming out with new music. I miss going to shows every weekend and having the time of my life. It's not my youth that I miss though, it's the passion that everyone embraced during that time period.

When punk was the most exciting for me, the albums that were just coming out were A.F.I.'s "Art Of Drowning", Son Of Sam's "Songs From The Earth", Lars Frederiksen and the Bastards, Rancid "2000", Bad Religion's "Process Of Belief", and a lot more. I am thankful beyond words for those albums, but had I known just how bad music would get during the upcoming years, I would have somehow cherished them even more. I don't enjoy complaining about this, not one bit. I am just left feeling empty all of the time because of it, so I have to get it out.

Recently I discovered Big Rig's "Expansive Heart" and that was the first time in a long time where I felt that rush again. That feeling that something inside me was changing from the music that I had just heard. It's like having a drug addiction that can't go away, and finding out that the drug no longer exists. I crave it every day. I dream about it. I daydream constantly about finding a new band that will move me. Even if they're an old band that's new to me, I'm still getting my fix. When I think about anyone getting chills from the music that the bands today are making, I am deeply saddened and disappointed. I want to somehow open up my brain, and open up my heart to let them see what I've seen in music. This isn't one finite list of bands that I'm talking about either, saying that would just be insane. I'm talking about an X-factor that's missing. Something that myself, nor anyone can seem to put their finger on, or define...but I know it once was there, and I know it isn't there anymore. My heart drops when people ask me if I'm going to a show that they plan on attending because it's shocking to think that someone doesn't realize that I'm not a part of this new age of mediocrity.

Listening to my music makes me feel the way that I felt when I was first getting excited about music as a teenager. I hope it makes other people feel that way too. When Energy plays shows I am just bleeding emotion, and only few are moved by it. I think that some people might just not like us, which is fine, but I think the majority of people that we play to are just plain indifferent, and so desensitized that they have become incapable of recognizing soul in anything. I realize that the only thing I can do is to try my hardest to recreate what I know is missing in music, and to hope for the best, I just can't help but worry.

I think that this is all stemming from a few things: when I spoke with Josh the other day he brought up how we used to listen to music in my room all the time when we were younger; the constant reminder that I don't go to Al's house anymore; and listening to a lot of the music that I listened to when I was 15. In a way, this could be considered selfish because I'm craving that feeling all the time, and am in constant search of the rush, but at the same time I know that it's not selfish at all. I know that this theoretical resurgence of passion within the music scene would cause a chain reaction, and that thousands of people would once again be able to feel the way that I once did.

I am 25 years old

2010-03-04T06:10:00.004-05:00

I woke up around 4 today to about 15 missed calls from Julia. She was trying to make sure I would be awake and ready in time for my birthday dinner with my mom. My mom got me a bunch of gift certificates to my favorite restaurants. After that, Julia and I went back to the apartment and watched T.V. for a while. It wasn't a particularly eventful birthday, but I was just so thankful that I got to spend it with Julia, and not on tour. When Julia went to bed, Eric and Roe came over for a while, then we went to Mike's. We watched Tim and Eric and left after like 2 hours. This day flew by.

I can't believe that 10 years ago I was just turning 15. 14 to 19 were probably the most important years of my life, and I always reminisce about them. It's just really hitting me hard that all this time has passed since then. I am not close with many of the same people that I was close to back then, and that makes me sad. Although, I am close with some of them, which I am grateful for. I don't want to make this very long because I don't feel like getting into an emotional rant about missing my past. Celtic Pride is on right now and Julia is about to wake up.

I guess that all I can say is that things aren't so bad, I just miss the way they used to be.

Radio Show

2010-03-02T05:20:00.003-05:00

Today I woke up at 10:30 am and started getting ready for practice and our radio show. I tried to sing as little as possible at practice to save my voice for the show. I think we did alright. A lot of my vocals were off, but I don't think people are looking for perfection in a live set. Of course though, from the artist's perspective, I can't help but criticize myself.

When we got there we loaded in and didn't sound check until less than a half of an hour before we started. I was nervous about the lack of reverb in the playback I heard, but listening to it now, it's not too bad. I was especially shaky during the first half of the Children Of The Night set. I think I was just nervous because I got better the more we played. The Energy set went pretty well aside from the fact that I forgot 1 line in Walk Into The Fire, and had a few awkward speaking moments between songs, but that's nothing new.

I wish someone was taking pictures because we still don't have 1 single photo of us playing live with Mike. Oh well, I'd rather have what we did get which is a soundboard quality recording of the show. Mike fixed up the audio so that it sounds better than it did:

Children Of The Night's set:

01. In The Graveyard
02. Ghoul Like You
03. The Messenger
04. I Play For Keeps
05. I'm Going To Kill You
06. Route 44
07. I Killed Your Boyfriend

Download

Energy's set:

01. Contact/Hail The Size Of Grapes
02. Walk Into The Fire
03. Lost And Found/Streetlights
04. Hunter Red
05. Keep The Change
06. Pet Semetary
07. Heaven
08. Halloween
09. 400

Download

Interview:

Download

I don't have much else to write about because my day was pretty much only focused on that.

Long day of practice

2010-03-01T01:26:00.006-05:00

Today I woke up at 11, showered, got ready, and found out we weren't practicing until 3, so I went back to sleep until 2. When I woke up for the second time I grabbed some food and headed to practice. We played the Energy set once through and then spent the rest of the time working on the Children Of The Night songs. I don't think we're going to play "I'm Gonna Kill You". We just couldn't get it sounding good.

Right now I'm just waiting for my brother to come by with some of his stuff because he had to move out of his apartment today and due to a last minute change of plans, he has to keep some of his things here. I hope he comes soon because I plan on trying to get 8 hours of sleep and be awake by 11. It's 1:32 right now, so that's doable.

I'm listening to Mark Palm from Go It Alone's new band "Devotion" right now. It's alright, I guess my only complaint is that a lot of the songs sound similar upon first listen. The songs aren't fast like GIA's songs, but I like that. I think bands can only do so much when having the exact same drum beat in every single song. I like the fact that he's incorporating some melody in the vocals, I just wish they were better melodies. However, I do like the melodies in "Needle Full Of Liquid Pain". The riffs have the same vibe as Histories' riffs had, I just think that the riffs on Histories were better. I can't find the lyrics anywhere, so I can't really get a grasp on what the songs are exactly about. I'm sure that the more I listen, the more it will grow on me.

Here's the music video they did. I'm pretty sure everyone but the drummer is Mark:

DEVOTION-Bastard Son of Affluence Blues from Amir Aghelnejad on Vimeo.

Devotion from John Jenkins-Stark on Vimeo.

I'm going to try to get myself to step away from the computer for a while and maybe just relax on the couch while watching TV for once. I spend every single day and night just staring at this computer screen. Whatever.

Tune in to 91.5 FM WUML tonight from 8 to 11 PM to hear the live Energy and COTN sets...or, you can listen online here: http://www.wuml.org

I don't mind the pain

2010-02-27T04:44:00.007-05:00

It felt good to take a day off from making music today/tonight. Today I woke up, hung out with Julia for a while, went to Mike's with Dave, then came back to my apartment and watched Bullshit with Dave. He left a while ago and now I'm just sitting around waiting to get tired enough to fall asleep.

I just uploaded some more photos to my European tour journal entry, you can see them by clicking HERE.

They are for the show we played on December 8th, 2008 in Kassel, Germany.

We have a show Monday live on 91.5 FM WUML. Tune in if you live around here, if not then hopefully they have a live feed at: http://fallout.wuml.org/ I'm not sure if they will or not though. We're supposed to do a Children Of The Night set as well as an Energy one, but for some reason I doubt we'll get our shit together just by practicing for 1 or 2 days. I hope it's not too big of a deal if that happens. I also hope that I sound alright. The last radio thing we did didn't have much reverb on the vocals at all, leaving it sounding very, very dry. I've heard a handful of recordings from other bands that have played there though and the sound is a lot better. I wish our WERS set sounded better because I would have already posted it online for download...but it doesn't, so I didn't.

I really wish I had access to a gym still. I have put on a lot of weight in the last year or 2, which I'm extremely happy about, but I could be utilizing this weight gain in a far more constructive way. I've been doing pushups every day, and crunches here and there, but it's not enough. That's one thing that my old apartment had over this one - a personal gym. I could go downstairs and use the gym at any hour and play whatever music I wanted...which was usually just Rollins Band. Mike gave me some video called P90x or something that is supposed to be really intense, maybe I'll start that tomorrow. When I get really into working out I constantly feel the need to do it more and more, but when I fall into a slump, it is extremely hard to get out of it. From not touring for a while, I haven't been sweating my ass off and getting an intense cardio workout every night from singing, so this is leading me to believe that I'm in the worst shape I've been in in a while. Whatever, I just need to change it. There is no sense in complaining about something if I don't do anything about it.

I just found this picture of me feeding a cupcake to C at Chain Reaction on 11-16-08 from the tour with H2O that we did.

I hope we get on another big tour like that for our next release. When we did that tour Joe and I complained so much about how no one liked us, but looking back it wasn't so bad. I can't really see why we complained so much. I feel like it's like that a lot though: we'll complain a lot, but then look back and say it wasn't so bad. That's probably because in the past year things have gotten progressively worse for us though. The tour with Defeater was REALLY good, then every tour after that was worse than the one before it. I think we made as many fans in the scene we were playing to as we're gonna. I think it's time to release something new, and branch out. I also hope that we do a music video for one of our new songs. I feel like releasing a music video online is GREAT promotion in this day and age, not to mention it would just be a lot of fun.

I was thinking earlier today about how I haven't really been depressed lately. For as far back as I can remember, I would slip into horrible bouts of depression and not be able to get out. I don't know what it is that has made this not happen in a while, but it's nice. It's nice to not completely break down and feel nothing but pain once a week at least. Instead though, I feel like it has been replaced with disgust, anger, rage, and disappointment.

I can look back at the lyrics I wrote for Punch The Clock and say that they were generally themed in sadness, regret, and wanting to get out and live my dreams of being in a band. With Invasions Of The Mind it was more just sadness, fear, and hopelessness. Maybe I got it all out of my system. I can still sing those songs with conviction because I can remember what it was like to feel that way, but I don't really feel that way anymore. I think that the new Energy E.P. is going to be a step in a darker direction. Darker in the sense that we've seen the evil's that the people in this world are capable of, and confident that we will never go down that path. I feel like the last 2 releases were more of wild, uncontrolled emotion that I didn't know what to do with other than get it out of me, while the new material has more of a direction and a message to it. I'm speaking lyrically of course. That could also be due to the fact that this is the first time I've allowed another member of the band to come into the lyrical aspect of writing. I've been writing lyrics with Mike for Children Of The Night for a while now, but this is something else entirely. I feel like Mike refines all the raw ability I have into the perfect representation of what I'm capable of. I think when left to my own devices, I'm not able to show that. At least not at this point in my life.

I can't believe how much I've grown to hate almost every person I encounter. I don't really even care if I meet another new person for the rest of my life. That might sound mean, sad, or exaggerated, but it's just how I feel right now.

I'm going to stop this now because it's getting too long and I have to finish uploading photos to the Energy Facebook before it gets too late. I want to try to spend most of the day with Julia today.

Watching Mike record scratch guitar

2010-02-23T04:38:00.002-05:00

I'm sitting here at Mike's watching him record scratch guitar tracks for the new song. It's pretty boring to sit through, but it has to be done. Earlier today I felt better than I did the day before, but later on I started feeling a little sick again. I think it's going away though. We have to practice Saturday and Sunday because of our radio show on Monday. We haven't even practiced all the Children Of The Night songs once...hopefully that's not a disaster.

Earlier today Julia got me Town Spa which is always awesome. We watched The Office, Seinfeld, and Family Guy, then she went to bed.

The new Danzig album is going to be called "Deth Red Sabaoth". I can't wait.

Mike just finished, so I'm going to stop typing now and possibly start recording vocals.

Secrets

2010-02-22T06:33:00.003-05:00

I just got back from Mike's house where we mapped out the drums for the new song. The name of the song is going to be "Secrets", and it is already one of my favorite Energy songs. If we keep writing awesome songs like this, the new Energy album is going to be insane. I already know that it's going to be our best material yet.

I caught a cold from either Mike or someone that went to Mike's. I really hope it's gone by the time we do our radio show on March 1st because if it's not, I can't even really see any point in doing it. "Hey, tune in and hear me sound like I'm sick." I'm sure it will be fine by then, but I always get nervous about stuff like this.

Well, I just wanted to make a quick update before I went to bed. Hopefully I can continue to make updates on a regular basis from now on.

I never know what to write here

2010-02-21T05:44:00.002-05:00

On Thursday, February 18th, I went to Mike's house like I do almost every night. At one point Mike started playing this descending chord pattern while humming a random melody. I told him I liked it, and that we should run with it. Last night (the 20th) we completed the song. It's not that the song came particularly easy to us, we just worked really hard during a short amount of time and got things done. I want to do that more often. Both of us are fully capable of writing music and melodies with ease, and although writing lyrics is time consuming, we get it done when we put our minds to it. I really like how the song came out too. The verses and chorus have kind of the same feel as "Walk Into The Fire", and the bridge is really heavy and aggressive. This will be a fun song to perform live. We're not sure what the name of this song will be, so I won't post the lyrics just yet. I think we're going to start recording a demo of it soon.

Today Julia and I went to Grasshopper which is always good. We sat next to some idiot hippie girl that talked in a whiny, slow, measured, way that just cut right through everything. The place was packed so it wasn't as obnoxious as you'd imagine, but it still sucked. After that we went home, watched T.V., and then Julia went to bed. I just got back from Mike's a little less than an hour ago. Eric, Roe, and Dave were there. We laughed a lot and watched Charles Manson interviews for a while. I hope I wake up somewhat early tomorrow so I can spend Julia's one day off with her. On that note, I'm going to end this.

Happy Birthday Julia!

2010-02-17T04:41:00.005-05:00

Today is Julia's birthday. I haven't gone to bed yet, but I think at this point I might as well stay awake until she wakes up so I can wish her a happy birthday before she goes to work.

The other night we played our first show in almost 3 months in Providence, RI with Four Year Strong. It was also our first show with Mike. I though we did pretty good other than a few minor things here and there. We also got to debut a brand new song called "Walk Into The Fire":

Mike fixed up the audio and made an mp3 of it that sounds significantly better than the audio in the video. You can download that by clicking HERE.

Here are the lyrics:

Energy - Walk Into The Fire

Do you ever feel diseased?
Believing in a liar?
Get up off your hands and knees
And walk into the fire

See you sinking like a stone
Hold your head up higher
You will reap what you have sown
Walk into the fire

This is how you find the way
Turn the night into the day
This is how you find the way
Turn the night into the day

Walk into the firelight
Through the darkness burning bright

When your truth is only lies
And evil your desire
Will you choose your own demise
Or walk into the fire?

Everyone you've ever known
Is walking on a wire
Can you make it on your own?
Walk into the fire

This is how you find the way
Turn the night into the day
This is how you find the way
Turn the night into the day

Walk into the firelight
Through the darkness burning bright

I can't wait to actually have this song, and others recorded and released on an album. Now that Mike is in the band, we are just on a whole other level of songwriting. Mike pushes me to my limit and makes me the best musician I am capable of being, and he himself is capable of writing some of the best songs I've ever heard, never mind sang on. There is just something special about what happens when Mike and I get together and create music. I can't even put it into words. People don't even know what's in store. Everything Energy has done in the past is nothing compared to what's ahead. I'm not putting down my previous accomplishments, but this is something completely new. If we got as far as we did WITHOUT him, I can't even begin to imagine where introducing his talent into the group will take us.

I just wish we could be a little more efficient with writing. We both have all the time in the world, but can't seem to churn out songs fast enough. One thing that would help a LOT would be if I had a car during the day and could make it over to his house while everyone else is busy, that way we could actually get some serious hours in dedicated to writing and creating. Most nights, there are at least 1 to 3 other people there, which makes it very difficult to write and/or get things done.

Now that we have a computer set up in the apartment, it's a lot easier to get stuff done online, so hopefully that means I'll update more often. I love having this apartment and I love having it with Julia. I know that I am a very, VERY lucky person, for many reasons, it's just that sometimes I forget how much worse my situation could be, and every once in a while I need to remind myself that I have almost everything I want in life, and to take a step back and appreciate it.

I love being me.

Energy's first show ever

2010-02-10T01:56:00.000-05:00

At Mike's, 3 hours into consciousness

2010-02-04T05:01:00.008-05:00

I feel like a lot of my entries are starting with this but...I haven't updated this in a while. I think I might start updating more once Julia gets her computer Friday. I just woke up a couple of hours ago, which I'm not too happy about because I'm trying to stay on somewhat of a nocturnal sleeping pattern and this is almost the complete opposite of that. I'm in the mood to be really productive today, but I have a feeling that I won't be able to because Mike will be asleep all day, and I'll have no way to work on new music. I guess I could always try to write lyrics for one of the new songs we've been working on, but I know that probably won't happen. What I'll probably end up doing is wasting time on the internet all day, and not get anything accomplished.

In case you don't know, I started a Misfits, Samhain, and Danzig tribute blog out of boredom: http://BlogAmongUs.blogspot.com I'm considering getting http://www.BlogAmongUs.com but that's 10 dollars that I should be spending on plenty of other things. I wouldn't(and probably couldn't) do this with/for any other band or musician, but I've been obsessed with those 3 bands for well over a decade now, and I just thought it would be fun to do.

Right now I'm just killing time while Mike edits and continues to try to figure out ProTools. We're just finishing our fourth song vocally for the Children Of The Night full length. That's 4 songs out of 13. I really wish recording didn't take so long. I go to his house almost every single night and chip away at it, but it's just not enough. If I just had a car during the day, we could both shift our sleeping patterns from being nocturnal, to sleeping all night, and recording all day, which would probably give us another 5 to 6 hours of productivity a day. But, since I have NO income, I just flat out can't contribute whatsoever to the cost of gas.

I posted a link to the very first Energy demo that we recorded in March of 2006 today and to my surprise, over 100 people downloaded it. I'll post it here now for anyone that missed it:

The lineup for this demo was:

Tank - Vocals
Mikey D. - Guitar
Rob Spearin - Guitar
Conor O'Brien - Bass
Burton Wright - Drums

01. Lost And Found
02. Cyanide
Download

Stickam

2010-01-09T04:26:00.006-05:00

Add me on Stickam: http://www.stickam.com/JasonTankerley

I'll probably be using it mostly for broadcasting live recording sessions of

Energy/Children Of The Night.

Science Museum

2010-01-05T04:24:00.007-05:00

I'm only updating this because I'm trying really hard not to fall asleep. I haven't been on a nocturnal sleeping pattern for a while now, so needless to say, I haven't been recording much lately.

Today I woke up and ran a few errands with Julia, then we went to her work to pick up my jacket that I ordered:

After that, Julia and I went to the Museum of Science for a while. We ran into Mark from Slapshot there, it was nice to see him and catch up. I can't believe it's been over a year since I went to Europe. I had a lot of fun at the museum and I hope we can go again soon. Once we got back, we made milkshakes and watched South Park. Then, Eric came over, we watched Creepshow, then went to Mike's.

I'm really enjoying this downtime from touring, I just need a long break from it. Some people just love doing it constantly and think it's the coolest thing ever, but that's just not me. I like writing, recording, and performing music...that's it. I don't like the bullshit surrounding it. I don't really care about traveling (at least not at this point in my life), I don't care about the ongoing soap opera that is the underground music scene, and I don't give a shit about making any new friends or kissing "important" people's asses. I just want to make music. There is so much bullshit surrounding touring that most people don't know/think about. I've said it so many times before, but I absolutely love the 30 minutes that I play each night, but there are 23 hours and 30 minutes more than that, making up each day on tour. Everything within that time frame isn't what I'd like to be doing with my day. That's how much I love it though. I will go through 23 and a half hours of shit, just for 30 minutes of playing.

I've had the following lyrics laying around for quite some time now. They are for an Energy song titled "Bleeding Grey". I'm not sure if this song will ever make it to an album, or if we'll even record it, but I'd say these are some of, if not my favorite lyrics that I've written so far, and I just want to share them with anyone that's interested.

I wrote it while on tour over a year ago:

Accompanied by the deafening cries of moon lit goodbyes that sing for me.
Our midnight choir can't lose its fire, burning oh so clean.
I swear I hear the harmony, I swear you spread your wings for me.
Apparitions fill the air with songs of the deceased.
Singing for release...

"Take my hand, believe in me" he said to her so gracefully.
"But as we crawl beneath the wounded, don't shake what you've seen."
Come evade banality and the lifeless sounds of their silent screams.
We'll dance at night and morning will bring sweet tranquility.
Bathing in debris...

The Letter

2009-12-14T06:36:00.003-05:00

This is pretty much what I do all night, every night.

Down here where the daylight sleeps

2009-12-12T06:15:00.016-05:00

I found a spot in my apartment that picks up a pretty good wireless signal so I'm going to try to update this more.

I really enjoy writing entries for this blog, I just hate writing lyrics. Don't get me wrong, I love it when I finally word a lyric the way I want to, and I love finally finishing an entire song, but the process itself is the hardest part of songwriting for me. I can write guitar riffs and melodies all day long, but writing structured lyrics that don't make me cringe is a whole other story. If lyrics came to me HALF as easy as melodies do, Energy would probably be ready to head into the studio for another album already. Whatever, at least I don't settle for mediocrity, and just pump out dozens of songs filled with empty lyrics and boring melodies.

It's been a while since I've made an entry about how bad I think modern music is, so here we go:

I think that in popular music, artists have forgotten how to write a traditional pop melody. Either that or they just think that they are too corny and/or predictable. I know that there is no way to really explain on paper what a "traditional pop melody" is, but I do know that there is an intangible X-factor that some people understand/grasp, and others do not. I know, I know, "Well Tank, how do you expect these artists to correct their lazy ways, when they haven't been enlightened?" I don't, because THEY don't even know how bad they are. No band says "boy do we suck...let's keep doing this", they believe that what they are doing is good, so they keep pushing forward, because they just don't know any better. That's why I wish there was some scientific theory proving once and for all the difference between good and bad music. Unfortunately, at this point, there isn't. I still believe that musical preference exists and is exactly that: a preference/opinion. In fact, there are a lot of artists out there that I don't enjoy, but I wouldn't necessarily say that they are bad. I'm just saying that there is a LOT of music out there that I believe will someday be proven through science to be inferior.

I'm so glad that I have no idea when I'm going on tour again.

This hasn't happened in a long time. There needs to be a certain balance between new music and repetitive live reproduction of that new music for me to maintain my sanity. It has been almost 15 months since Energy has released anything new, longer since we've recorded anything new, and even longer since we've written anything new. Since September 30th, 2008, when Invasions Of The Mind was released, we have played around 200 shows...out of a possible 450 dates. That's like 7 out of 15 months spent touring. I know that a lot of bands tour more than this, but most of them are either temporarily doing it just for fun, with no plans of making a career out of it, or they're extremely popular and are reminded on a nightly basis that they have a lot of fans everywhere they go that continue to support them. We are neither of these. We are a group of people who want to play music and make it our paying jobs, but after almost 4 years of releasing new music and touring relentlessly, we barely even have a modest fan base. If the 15 year old Jason Tankerley heard the almost 25 year old Jason Tankerley complaining about this, he wouldn't know what to make of it...but that's because he's only 15, and everything is still magic to him.

100th entry

2009-12-09T05:49:00.005-05:00

I've been putting off making any blog entries because I knew the next one would be number 100, and I wanted to make it especially significant, but I can't think of anything to write about that is that important.

Recently, Julia and I moved into our new apartment and it's awesome. I hope we stay here for years.

Energy was on the cover of the Stoughton Journal last week:

Click here for the story

Today I concentrated on Children Of The Night a lot. We recorded for a few hours, Mike mastered and mixed a few things, and I made a Facebook page for the band. Add us:

http://Facebook.com/ChildrenOfTheNight

I can't wait for the album to be finished and come out.

Yes

2009-11-16T02:48:00.005-05:00

Well, it's been a while since I've updated this so I'll just try to summarize everything and keep it brief. I've been back from tour for a few weeks now and I've spent most of my time at Mike's writing and recording new music. We finished the music and melodies for a brand new Energy song that just needs lyrics to be complete, we're working on a cover of The Ramones song "Pet Sematary", and right now as I type this, Mike is learning the keyboard parts for the songs on "Invasions Of The Mind". On top of all that, we need to really get in gear and finish recording the Children Of The Night full length. I constantly feel like I'm not being productive enough.

Also, on December 1st, Julia and I will be moving into an apartment/house in Stoughton:

I am beyond excited about this because it's been over a year since we've had our own place, and it has not been fun and/or easy. This Thursday is the first of four dates we're playing with Defeater for their record release shows. It should be fun to hang out with them again. We also might have a 10 or more day tour in mid December, but honestly I hope it just doesn't happen so that I can be home in my new apartment for the holiday season. I've had enough touring for a while, it's time for a break, and it's time for some new music.

ENERGY/Wonder Years/A Loss For Words Tour Update (Days 01 - 18)

2009-10-10T03:09:00.031-04:00

Day 01: 09-21-09 @ American Legion - Naugatuck, CT

Right now we're driving to the kid's house that we're staying with tonight. I am pretty depressed as usual about heading out on tour. It's always for the same reason I always complain about too so I won't bore you or myself with it. At least for right now that is.

It's the same shit every single tour: No one will stop talking about shit that I couldn't be any less interested in, and I feel totally alone.

We played in CT tonight. I felt our set was received well, but that I sounded absolutely terrible. I'm not being hard on myself either. I have no problem saying when I did well, but this was just terrible. I guess that's what I get though for failing to exercise even the slightest bit during our 2 months off. Whatever, I'm paying the price now, so hopefully it teaches me a lesson.

Robert will be joining us in a few days as our merch guy. I can't wait. He is one of 2 people who I feel I made a real connection with throughout the years of traveling with Energy. Someone who I would hang out with if they lived in my town, not just someone with a place for us to stay while we come through their town.

I think we're near the area where we're staying so this entry will stop here.

P.S.

I am going to try to update this as often as I can because I've felt really bad about not documenting the last few tours that we did.

Day 02: 9-22-09 @ Bogies - Albany, NY

Today we stopped at Whole Foods in the morning and drove to Albany NY to play the show. Joe, Dan and I walked around a lot before we played. I thought we sounded significantly better than last night, and the crowd seemed to like it. We only sold 1 LP though. Oh well, I had a great time playing.

Now we're driving to Keith's house in Long Island. It's a 3 or 4 hour drive and I think we have an hour left. I can't get "Brick House" out of my head.

Day 03: 09-23-09 @ Broadway - Amityville, NY

As usual, we got to the show pretty early, so Joe and I walked around for a while, got our nails done, and searched for food.

The show was very annoying, Joe broke a string right when we started so we had to stop playing in the middle of our intro, the mic kept unplugging throughout the entire set, for some reason we couldn't keep a steady flow and just start the next song, and 1 possibly 2 fights broke out during the set.

We knew prior to our set that a guy who is interested in managing us was supposed to come out and watch our set, apparently he did, but he left right after our set without introducing himself to us. Afterward he texted Conor and said that he bought an LP and enjoyed the set. So we really just don't know what's going on with all that now. That's just what I need, additional uncertainty in my life. Oh well, I hope things work out and he ends up managing us because we are pathetic at managing ourselves.

Day 04: 09-24-09 @ American Legion - Binghamston, NY

We drove 4 hours today and the drive really got to me. I started feeling claustrophobic halfway into it and asked if we could stop to get food.

The show tonight was awesome. Even though no one knew the words to our songs, people were really feeling it, and that's all I can ask for. The crowd consisted of a lot of younger kids which always excites me because I feel like I have the opportunity to influence them and get them interested in good music at a young age. There were a lot of little girls that wanted pictures with me tonight.

The show is over now and I'm just standing outside. I hope we have a good place to stay tonight, not a long drive to said place, and plenty of time to sleep in tomorrow. We'll see what happens.

Day 5: 09-25-09 @ American Legion - New Berlin, PA

Tonight's show had quite a few interruptions, but out of all the shows so far, this one felt the best for me personally. There was just something about the energy I was putting into the set that made it a very cathartic experience. Something happened with Keith's drum set during our intro that prevented us from going straight into Hunter Red, which really killed the vibe, then Dan broke a string during Hunter Red. The rest of the set went fine from what I can remember. Robert joined me on vocals for a Bad Religion cover.

We were supposed to have promo pictures taken before the show, but it didn't happen for some reason. After the show, we realized that we couldn't stay where we thought we could, so we had to search for a place to stay. Michael, the promoter for the show, hooked us up with his friend, so we started driving, only to realize when we got there, that there was a miscommunication involving the whereabouts of the kid's house. So basically, I got confused and caused us to drive 45 minutes the wrong way, only to have to turn right back around. 1 and a half hours of pointless driving...way to go Tank.

Day 6: 09-26-09 @ Beachland Ballroom - Cleveland, OH

As a whole, this was probably the best night so far. I say as a whole because it didn't feel as good as last night, but we got a great reaction, and we played pretty well. Joe and I walked around for a bit, but it was way to rainy and wet out, so we went back to the club. The club owner got mad that we were late when in fact we still got there before the show even started AND we weren't even the opening band. He turned out to be pretty nice though because he bought Dan and I food from the bar when he didn't have to. Overall, a good day.

Day 07: 09-27-09 @ Warsaw Arena - Cincinnati, OH

Last night we drove to Alex's house, which was only an hour and a half from today's show. We stopped at Whole Foods and I got a muffin and some cookies. After that we stopped at Guitar Center, then headed out on the drive. The drive seemed to take forever, even though it was pretty short.

Before we played, Joe and I tried to finish writing this song that we've been working on, but all we came up with was a lead for one of the parts. It was technically a productive writing session, but it didn't feel very productive because we were both pretty stumped, and I just wasn't very enthusiastic.

When we got onstage they turned the lights off, but in a bad way: the stage lights were off, but the crowd was illuminated. This made it pretty uncomfortable, and I had a really hard time getting into the set.

I think that along with every update, I'm going to include the amount of money we took in each night from merch sales. Tonight we sold 50 dollars in merch. I'm doing this because of how unbelievably bad we do every single night. It seems like every other band brings in hundreds every night, and we can barely break 50 on a good night. This may be partially due to the fact that we still haven't got our new (and in my opinion, GOOD) merch shipped to us yet, but I sent out a shipping address for it today, and we should have it by Thursday or Friday.

I feel like people might be under the impression that we are kind of popular, but I don't think that's the case at all. I mean yes, we have a modest fan base, but really when it comes down to it, most nights on tour we are playing to either people who have never heard us/heard of us, or people who have heard us, don't like us, and are there for the other bands. I'd say that on tour we get a good reaction maybe once a week. So if you are thinking that we go in front of hundreds of people singing along every night, and make tons of money on t-shirt and album sales, I just want to clarify that this is almost never the case. I'd say that Charleston, South Carolina is the only place where that happens, and it's amazing.

I'm done complaining now. There are far worse situations that I could be in, and I should be grateful for the things that I DO have, but EVERYONE, including yourself, complains about things when they know very well that there are always people somewhere on Earth that are in far worse situations, and have a lot more to complain about than you do. This is human nature though. No matter how good you have it, or how bad you have it, you're gonna find something to complain about, and you're always going to get stuck on the 1 negative thing that 1 person said, as opposed to the many positive things that many people said.

Day 08: 09-28-09 @ Shriners Building - Whitesburg, KY

We've played this place once before. The first time we played here, we covered Bullet with Butterfly Wings. I forget who was playing drums for us at the time. The promoter got us pizza and after we ate we went for a walk up this mountain road where 2 dogs started following us. All types of vehicles were speeding around the bends and the dogs kept going into the street, so we had to hold onto them every time a car/truck drove by. On our way back I slipped and fucked up my knee a little. It didn't hurt that bad, but it left a pretty big bruise. I think I'm more upset that it slightly weakened the knee of my new pants. Oh well.

We played a pretty good set and there were a handful of people singing along the whole time. We also decided to debut our cover of Samhain's "Black Dream" tonight. It was a lot of fun.

We finally got all of our new merch straightened out and it will be arriving at the promoter's house for Friday's show on Thursday. I'm really eager to see how well the new shirt does. It seemed to get a pretty positive reaction online and from all the other people who have seen it, so I think it will do alright. Oh and speaking of merch, tonight's total was 78 dollars.

I'm really glad Robert came on this tour for a few reasons. Aside from just being great to have around, he definitely puts more enthusiasm into being our merch guy than we ever expected. He has also been taking a lot of pictures (as you can see in my previous entries from this tour), and he has been filming a handful of our sets as well. This is already shaping up to be a pretty well documented tour, and we're only on week #2.

Day 09: 09-29-09 @ Murphy Arts Center - Indianapolis, Indiana

After driving for 6 hours and constantly being on the brink of a panic attack, we arrived at the venue. Keith's friends brought us some food including cupcakes which were awesome. Before we played, Joe and I walked around the area for a bit discussing the future of the band, we do this most nights. Our set was slightly awkward due to the lighting and high stage, but I felt as if I did alright. Joe thought we played like absolute shit. I did notice a few mistakes during the set, but I always assume that no one notices besides the 5 of us.

We got offered what I think is a good tour opportunity during the middle of December. I would just say who it's with, but God knows you can't do that. Why? I have no idea, probably because people love that little time frame where they can say "I know something you don't know". As I've stated many times before, I hate that so much.

After the set Joe and I walked around and talked about how much it sucks missing someone back home. Once the walk was over though, he seemed to be in a better mood. Strange concept: talking with me put someone in a GOOD mood? There must be some catch I'm missing here.

Oh by the way, tonight we sold 10 dollars in merch. Embarrassing.

Day 10: 09-30-09 @ Black Sheep Cafe - Springfield, Illinois

Invasions Of The Mind came out exactly one year ago today, so we played the album from start to finish. No songs from Punch The Clock, no covers, just tracks 1 through 11 in order. I can say that 1 year later I still love it. I still listen to it every once in a while and get excited all over again. I always think about what the 15 year old version of myself would think if I went back in time and told him that this is what he would eventually write. I am certain that I would probably cry from joy. I know all this, but something about my personality prevents me from enjoying what I have, and causes me to only focus on the negative. I wish that I could just be happy with where I'm at.

The set went well aside from Joe's guitar breaking during "The Silence", and 2 microphones breaking throughout the set. Robert set his video camera up in the back of the room, and filmed another angle with his phone. The video from his phone came out better, but the memory ran out right at the end of "2 Whole Minutes Under Water". We plan on splicing the 2 angles together and adding it as a bonus feature to a DVD that we intend to make out of this tour. The DVD will probably be the best performances of each song that we play throughout the tour interlaced with interviews, random footage, etc. It will probably just be something we'll put out ourselves, and burn copies to sell for 5 dollars or something.

After the set I talked to Matt on the phone for a while, it's always good/funny to hear from him. After I got off the phone we headed to Keith's friends' place in St. Louis where we did laundry and went to sleep.

Day 11: 10-01-09 @ Billiards Blue Room - Springfield, MO

Dan left early to practice Marky's parts with A Loss For Words because he's going to be filling in for him during the next few shows. The rest of us drove to the show in silence. Once we got there, Joe, Conor, Robert, and myself went to a few stores in search for merch racks/clips. We ended up finding them at Lowe's.

The club was filled with smoke and it seemed like every single person there had a cigarette in their hand. The show itself went surprisingly well. People seemed to be more familiar with the songs from Invasions than with the Punch The Clock songs, so we replaced "Keep The Change" with "The Silence". 400 went over the best by a landslide.

Robert said that we sold 113 dollars in merch tonight, our highest yet this tour. After the show we drove 3 hours to Lawrence, KS where we slept on a hardwood floor.

Day 12: 10-02-09 @Mission Lounge - Mission, KS

Today we slept late because we stayed right up the street from the show. Once we got to the show I did my make up in the van, walked outside, and immediately ran into the promoter who had all of our new merch. The new shirts came out really well, the hoodies came out alright. The smalls and mediums look good, but once the sizes start getting bigger than that, the print looks too small. I'd say that even though it wasn't perfect, this was our most successful merch order in a long time.

Before the show we walked around the area for a bit. I remember playing some sort of bookstore here on a previous tour. C was with us so it must have been the headlining tour we did prior to the H2O/BANE/Cruel Hand tour a year ago. I can't believe it's already been a year since then. We went into the same Urban Outfitters store that we went into last time, then into a comic book store where I found some comics published by Danzig's comic book company called "Verotik". I don't know much about it, but it appears to be issues #2 and 3 of the "Devilman" series. The copywriter dates are 1995 and 1996. I got them for 2 dollars each.

The show tonight went pretty well. I thought we played good, and I managed to convince the sound guy to actually have me at a reasonable volume in my monitor. We played "Pet Semetary" and to my surprise, some people knew it. After we played I went downstairs and ate some pizza. A few minutes later everyone else came down and was pissed because apparently the opening band ate a bunch of our food. We sold 85 dollars in merch tonight.

After the show, we drove to this girl Ashley's house and stayed in her basement. I showed everyone rough, unfinished versions of the new Children Of The Night songs "I Play For Keeps" and "I'm Gonna Kill You", they seemed to really like them. Overall a pretty good day.

Day 13: 10-03-09 @ Fat Daddy's Sound Shack - Denison, TX

After a 6 hour drive, we arrived at the venue. They had a lot of good food for us backstage including a fruit basket. I think that when promoters get us food, they should always include a good amount of fruit. That way everyone stays healthy. Joe and I tried to go for a walk, but it was raining and there wasn't anything interesting anywhere near the venue.

We had a good set tonight. I could hear myself very well in the monitors, which always helps me. Imagine a deaf person trying to sing, if you can't hear the sounds coming out of your mouth, you can't control how they sound. The stage was a little awkward because there was a little wooden area in front of the stage that created distance between us and the audience, but I think we did good regardless. We sold 116 dollars in merch tonight.

After our set Joe and I went to the store next to the venue and on our way out some kid said "y'all look gay" to me. I just said "was that supposed to be an insult?" and he responded "nah, I was just letting you know" and then he walked into the store. I didn't know you could "look gay". Joe thought the whole situation was hilarious. It doesn't bother me when people say things like that, it just makes me happy that I was born me and not them.

After we loaded out, almost everyone tried to go to Vinnie Paul's strip club, but got rejected. Joe, Keith, Soupy, and myself drove to the house we stayed at. We didn't get to sleep until around 5 am.

Day 14: 10-04-09 @ Rose Park Activity Building - Abilene, TX

I woke up to this written on the fridge

There was a skatepark/park area next to the venue, so I spent most of the night walking around. The show seemed to go alright aside from a few delays on our part. Also, the P.A. was so far in front of us that I couldn't hear myself whatsoever. I don't think I fucked up too badly though. Energy and The Wonder Years are staying with a couple of girls that were at the show, and since tomorrow is a day off, we get to sleep in. We sold 78 dollars in merch tonight.

Day 15: 10-05-09 Day off driving to San Antonio, TX

Today we woke up and got pizza, stopped at a mall where I got a Sepultura shirt, and went to a Wal Mart where I got the "Perfect Pushup". Listening to Rollins Band the other night really reminded me that I have to get back into shape. During our drive to San Antonio, Joe discovered that A.F.I. ripped Energy off at the end of their song "OK, I feel better now". We got a good laugh from that.

Towards the end of the drive, Dan brought up something that Joe and I had been discussing for a while: Mike Rendini joining Energy on Keyboards, back up vocals, and most importantly, as a partner in songwriting. The pros outweigh the cons a million to one. Unfortunately Conor is the only person in the band that wasn't in the van when this was brought up, so we still have to talk to him about it. I hope that doesn't present a problem because having Mike join is the smartest decision we could make as a band, and deciding against it, would be the worst decision this band could ever make. Mike is the best musician any of us know, and could only make things better. I have been putting off bringing this up for a while now because I knew that if everyone rejected the idea, that we would never achieve what we are capable of, and I wasn't ready to face that reality yet. I just can't put it off any longer, he has to join.

Once we got to San Antonio, we had to wait for The Ataris' show to get out because that's where Conor was. I guess there were only like 25 people there. It's strange how a band can be so popular at one point, but then totally fall off like that. While we were waiting, Joe, Keith and I walked around the area trying to kill time. Once the show was over, we left and headed to Josh's house where it was air conditioned and comfortable. I'm so glad I'm inside this house, and not outside in the humidity.

Day 16: 10-06-09 @ Rock Bottom - San Antonio, TX

Today we woke up, went to this vegan restaurant called "Green". It was alright, not bad, just not great. I feel like a lot of people who are vegan don't actually have an opinion on food. It seems like every vegan/vegetarian restaurant is "sooo good", when that's just not the case. It's like that with a lot of things, not just food. If you like pop punk music, every pop punk band is good. If you like hardcore music, every hardcore band is good. No one will admit that they think this way, but so many people do. It's just everyone's way of trying to let everyone else know what title they claim, and that they belong to something important. It's all bullshit, and everyone is full of shit.

After that we went to the mall where I got my eyebrows threaded. From the mall we drove to the show. It was hot and humid all day and night, it sucked. Before the show, Joe, Conor, Soupy, Nevada, Dan, and myself went to Denny's. I didn't get anything, I just took advantage of the free wifi they offered. After everyone ate, we headed back to the show.

Tonight's reaction was the best so far on this tour, people were going nuts the whole time, it was awesome. During our cover of "Halloween" everyone got onstage and took the mic. It was incredibly hot in the room so needless to say, I was soaking wet almost immediately. Towards the end of the set my microphone broke, so I grabbed Joe's and continued singing only to have that one break as well because of all the people taking it from me and singing along. I didn't mind one bit though, it was great. We sold 175 dollars in merch tonight.

Day 17: 10-07-09 @ The Spot - El Paso, TX

After driving a few hours last night and sleeping in a motel, we drove 7 hours to El Paso. The drive sucked. Once we got to the show we walked around the area and went into a good will store where Keith found a Misfits "Legacy Of Brutality" shirt in my size for 2 dollars. Thanks Keith. After that I walked around the area by myself and talked to Julia on the phone for a while.

The show was awesome, a lot of people knew all the words, and a good amount of them were moving around the whole time. After the show, we stayed with DJ and Casia. They had a kid since the last time we were there and moved right across from the venue. We watched "Stand By Me" until we fell asleep. Tonight we sold 69 dollars in merch.

Day 18: 10-08-09 @ Amped Theatre - Albuquerque, NM

Everyone pretended that they left without me today, but Joe is a terrible liar. The drive was boring and draining as usual, but the air was cool and dry so it wasn't too bad. By the time we got to the show the temperature had dropped significantly to the point where some of us had to wear sweatshirts. I love cold weather.

Our set didn't go very well. We covered Samhain, which is always fun, but I wasn't singing that well, and the overall vibe in the room was very stiff and uncomfortable. No matter how hard I tried I just couldn't get into it the way I usually do. We sold 103 dollars in merch despite the fact that there weren't that many people there. I was told about 30 people paid.

After the set Joe and I walked to a grocery store where I got some yogurt and protein bars. Once we got back to the venue and loaded out, it was decided that we'd bring up the idea of having Mike join Energy to Conor. There isn't a big story surrounding this really, we just brought it up, said "what do you think?" and Conor said yes. So that's it, Mike Rendini is now an official member of Energy. He will be playing Keyboards and singing back ups with us live, and will now have an equal hand in writing songs with us. This is the most exciting thing that's happened with Energy in a while. I feel like it hasn't really sunk in yet because of the fact that he's not on tour with us right now, and that we haven't written with him yet. That's fine though, because he is the greatest songwriter that any of us know, and we already know that we all work well with him because he produced "Invasions Of The Mind". Aside from the writing end, he might as well have been in the band when we recorded Invasions because he played all the keyboard parts on the album. So in reality, having him play with us live will only make it sound more like the album.

After that brief discussion, we drove 2 hours or so towards Arizona and got a motel. The room was very small and uncomfortable, but it's better than sleeping in the van.

Day 19: 10-09-09 @ Badlands Music Venue - Mesa, AZ

After driving for like 4 or 5 hours, we got to Mesa and ate at another place called "Green". I didn't eat any "real food" though, I just got ice cream. Manny met up with us and from there we went to the show.

We played this same place on the Defeater tour in March/April. I remember someone telling me that people were calling us assholes online because we didn't watch any of the opening bands. Well guess what, I didn't watch any of them again, and I don't care. Sorry. We have played with literally thousands of bands over the past 3 and a half years and not one has even made me say to myself "hmm I think I'll ask for their demo" I can't think of one single current hardcore or pop punk band that I like, and it seems like those are the only kinds of bands that exist anymore. Not to mention the fact that NO touring band watches all the openers. A lot of nights (if not most) they don't watch any of them because they spend 250 days out of a possible 365 a year at shows and are just plain burnt out on the whole experience.

Why is that though? That there seems to ONLY be hardcore and pop punk bands nowadays? I think I know why: it's because once something becomes a trend, no one wants to stray from what they know will succeed, and that is how this endless run of shitty mediocre bands began. It's like how if The Beach Boys never took that shot in the dark with Pet Sounds and continued writing the surf hits that they knew would sell, music would remain stagnant and boring. That's exactly what's happening right now. Not only will no one try anything new, they won't even try to replicate something that's already been done in a way that could be considered even remotely original. If you aren't going to be original, why can't at least be original with who you're ripping off?

Anyways...We went on before The Wonder Years and A Loss For Words and played "Invasions Of The Mind" front to back because Manny wanted to hear it. I thought the set felt good, but apparently Dan and Conor thought it was awkward, oh well. It was pretty much the same reaction as the last time, no reaction at all.

Joe and I walked around for a while after the set and tried to talk about positive things because of how miserable we both get while we're on tour. It worked a little, but we still spent a lot of the time getting pissed off. Once we got back we headed back to Manny's. I stayed up pretty late, updated my blog, did some laundry, then went to bed.

Day 20: 10-10-09 @ Epicentre - San Diego, CA

I woke up today to everyone telling me that we got added to a show with BANE/Trash Talk in San Diego, so we drove 5 hours from Manny's house in Mesa, AZ to the show. On the way to the show I talked to Al on the phone for the first time in while. When I talked to him he seemed to be doing well, but he still has to spend another 4 months in the facility that he's in. Talking to him got me really depressed and made me start to think about all of the friends that I used to have, and how none of us hang out anymore. Regardless, it was nice talking to him, and I hope that I can see him soon because I miss him.

Once we got to the show we realized that there were still a few bands before us, so we went to a grocery store where I got milk and cookies. I hate the fact that I don't eat very healthy at all when I'm on tour. I feel like I need Julia here to tell me what to/not to eat. I'm like a 5 year old boy who would eat nothing but birthday party food if my mother didn't force me to do otherwise. Pizza, cake, cookies, and ice cream.

After the grocery store we went back to the show and played. Tonight was by far my best performance because I asked the sound guy to give me SOME reverb, when instead, he gave me A LOT of reverb. This is when I realized that my voice just sounds way better swimming in reverb. From now on when clubs actually have people doing sound, I'm going to tell them to give me a lot of reverb. Aside from my personal performance, I thought we did fairly well, even though there wasn't anyone singing along. Robert said that we sold 90 dollars in merch, which is better than I thought we'd do.

After our set I walked around the area for a few hours while talking to Matt on the phone. I guess I called at just the right time because him and Heather had just broken up. Between talking to Al and Matt, today turned out to be a pretty emotional day. After the show ended, we headed to Joe Harder's place, the "Chateau Harder" as they call it, and went to bed.

Day 21: 10-11-09 @ The Green Turtle - Whittier, California

We woke up today and headed to the mall in Burbank, then to Sunset Boulevard where Conor and I ate at "California Vegan" while the others climbed the Hollywood mountain. We also went into Amoeba and browsed around trying to kill time until everyone else got back. I found a Son Of Sam 12" on pink vinyl, Rollins Band's "Do It" and "Hard Volume" 12", and Smashing Pumpkins "Chicago Tapes" 12". I found these, but couldn't afford to get them because after almost 4 years of touring in this band, I still haven't made a penny.

Once we arrived at the show, we were informed that there were 11, yes ELEVEN bands on tonight's bill. We were also informed that we wouldn't be playing until after at least 7 or 8 of them played. Bored out of our minds, Dan and I walked around looking for places to get food, no such luck. When we headed back to the venue we heard people screaming and yelling outside. Turns out there was a huge fight, the cops came, and shut the show down. We got paid though, so it wasn't a total loss, but I would have liked to have been able to play seeing as it's the only reason I'm this far away from Julia to begin with. I can't wait to meet up with her in Chicago.

After the commotion, we headed to this place "Swingers" for food, but everyone changed their minds because they didn't want anything on the menu, so we headed back to Joe's house early and went to bed.

Day 22: 10-12-09 @ Cobalt Cafe - Canoga Park, CA

We woke up at Joe's house again, hung around for a bit, and headed to the show. We played this place with Defeater earlier this year and I remember everyone leaving after Defeater played. We walked around the area trying to kill time before we played so we went to the mall for a bit. Leslie and Carly came to the show and brought cupcakes for everyone as usual. I offered them free merch as a token of our appreciation, but they refused. I'm so glad that there are people out there who are genuinely nice and just want to support a band that they like. Thank you.

Our set went fairly well aside from poor performance on my end. Not too many people were singing along, but I felt as if we were well received. We sold 149 dollars in merch. Right before the last song (400), we covered Bad Religion's "Do What You Want" and had Robert sing it. I think we're going to do that from now until he leaves. It was really cool having Robert come on this tour with us, he proved to be one of, if not the best merch guy we've ever had.

After the show we hung around for a bit and everyone went to get food while I stayed outside in the van. I just didn't feel like being around a lot of people. After that we stayed with "The Sheds" at their parents' house. It was a tight squeeze, but I got to lay on a cushion for once, so it ended up being a pretty comfortable night's sleep.

Day 23: 10-13-09 @ Sub-Mission - San Francisco, CA

We drove for 6 hours in the rain today and for some reason when we got to the venue we had to wait a half an hour to load in. Once we loaded in, Joe, Dan, and myself went to this grocery store that has vegan baked goods. I had to wait until Dan paid to get the money that he owed me before I could buy anything, and Joe wanted to go back anyway to get his money so I figured wed just go back afterwards. On our way back to the venue we got a call that we were on in 10 minutes, so we had to hurry back.

Our set was terrible. I couldn't hear myself whatsoever, and it didn't seem like many people cared. We sold in 63 dollars in merch tonight. After we played, I walked back to the grocery store by myself because Joe's aunt came to the show and they went for a walk after the set. Once I got there I realized that it closed 20 minutes before I got there. I was pretty pissed.

We ended up staying with Joe's aunt and Joe slept in a trailer that she had in her yard. Robert and I did push ups in the driveway before we went to sleep.

Day 24: 10-14-09 @ Branch Street House - Sacramento, CA

Today was a relatively short drive, but before the drive, we walked around Berkeley, stopped in Herbivore for some food, and stopped at Amoeba where I bought Earth. A.D. and Loose Nut. I immediately regretted this though because as soon as I walked outside, Robert reminded me that I owed him 20 dollars, which left me with about 10 dollars for the rest of the tour. I tried to go back and return the records but they have a no cas refund policy. Stupid move on my part.

Once we got to the show, Robert, Joe and I went for a walk around the area. The show was in a garage at someone's house, but it was set up like a venue with a P.A. and a stage. The first few songs of the set were a little awkward because I couldn't hear myself at all and not too many people were singing along, but once we covered "Buddy Holly" for Joe's birthday, the set instantly became one of the most enjoyable sets of the tour. After that we played a few more originals, then we had Robert join us for the Bad Religion cover because it's his last night on this tour.

After the show we headed to Keith's friend's house. She had a bunch of food for us which was cool, but I spent a lot of time out in the van by myself reflecting back on 2009 and realizing how shitty it was.

Day 25: 10-15-09 @ Paradise Lost - Chico, CA

Since Robert left the tour last night, there won't be nearly as many pictures in my updates.

The venue tonight was a video store that had a back room which was a porn store. The show itself was horrible. I could hear myself fine, and I actually thought that I did alright, but most of the place cleared out during our first song, and after that we didn't even get an applause. Generally when I feel that we aren't being well received I get a little irritated and start giving off somewhat of an attitude. This was no different. I don't remember exactly what I said, I just know that I was pissed. 25 days into a tour, 3 and a half years into the band, 4 full U.S. tours in a year...yeah I'm gonna get a little mad when the place clears out when we play, while mediocrity runs rampant and everyone eats it up. Whatever, no one even knows what they actually like anyway. After the show we drove overnight to Portland, Oregon and stayed with Keith's friend Ashley.

Day 26: 10-16-09 @ Black Lake Grange - Olympia, WA

We woke up today in Portland and drove 2 hours to Olympia, it felt like a longer drive than it was. When we arrived at the show, there was pasta, cookies, and brownies for us, there were a good amount of kids there as well. As usual, Joe and I paced back and forth outside of the venue complaining about how bad modern music is before we played. The show itself turned out to be a lot more fun than I had anticipated. There were a good amount of people that seemed to enjoy it, and a handful that knew the words. There was a kid there who told me that he wanted to hear "Bushwhacked" a few weeks ago when we played in Cincinnati, so we played it for him.

Day 27: 10-17-09 Day Off - Portland, OR

On the way back from the show last night our trailer started to break, and since it was Sunday today, there weren't any places to go have it fixed because they were closed. We were left with no other option than to abandon it somewhere and rent a Uhaul for 300 dollars. Since today was a day off we didn't start this whole process until later in the day, so by the time we got all of this taken care of, it was getting pretty late.

Our next show is in Utah so we had to drive some tonight, and get a motel. On our way to the motel, about 4 or 5 hours after we just got our new Uhaul trailer, I heard a loud bang, as if something broke, apparently a bear came running full speed out of the woods and collided head first with our trailer. We don't know how the bear was, or where he went, but our trailer got fucked up. We managed to bend the metal back into place and keep driving though.

The damage:

Day 28: 10-18-09 @ V2 - Layton, UT

I woke up today and tried to take a shower, but apparently the motel we stayed at doesn't have hot water, so I just washed my hair really fast and got out as quick as I could because I was shivering so badly that my teeth were chattering. When I got out of the shower and finished blow drying my hair, I realized that my straightener is almost broken, I managed to get it to work enough to do my hair, but I'm not sure how long it's going to last now.

When we got to the venue I realized that my eyeliner was broken...not a good day as far as my appearance goes. Once we got on stage, it was pretty apparent that no one there cared about us because most of them weren't even watching us. A bunch of people were right in front of the stage just horsing around and ignoring us. I felt like a hired clown at a 5 year old's birthday party just doing my job for the parent that hired me while all the children would clearly rather be running around screaming and writing all over the walls than watch me perform my act that I worked really hard on perfecting. This is my life.

After the show we drove overnight to Conor's sister's apartment in Boulder, Colorado. I stayed up for about 4 or 5 hours of the drive, then I went in the back and tried to sleep, but only slept a little.

Day 29: 10-19-09 @ Quixotes - Denver, CO

We woke up around noon at Conor's sister's house and did laundry. When we got to the show I was told that there were 15 people paid. Joe and I walked around for a bit and on our way back a van pulled up next to us and the driver asked us "which way to the show?" it was Mike Finn. I had no idea who it was at first because I'm not used to seeing familiar faces from back home while I'm on tour.

Our set went surprisingly well considering the amount of people that were there. There were a few people singing along the whole time and someone actually jumped onstage and sang for a second. This clearly proves that any show can be good if the crowd wants it to be. I did however have trouble singing tonight. I felt out of breath and couldn't finish lines that I usually don't have any problem finishing. This seems to happen every time we play Denver, I'm pretty sure it's the altitude. I know I haven't been keeping up with this but: we sold 30 dollars in merch tonight.

Children Of The Night

2009-10-06T15:38:00.003-04:00

ENERGY/Wonder Years/AL4W Tour Update: 02

2009-09-29T00:44:00.018-04:00

Day 5: 09-25-09 @ American Legion - New Berlin, PA

Day 6: 09-26-09 @ Beachland Ballroom - Cleveland, OH

Day 07: 09-27-09 @ Warsaw Arena - Cincinnati, OH

ENERGY/Wonder Years/AL4W Tour Update: 01

2009-09-25T01:15:00.008-04:00

Day 01: 09-21-09 @ American Legion - Naugatuck, CT

P.S.

I am going to try to update this as often as I can because I've felt really bad about not documenting the last few tours that we did.

Day 02: 9-22-09 @ Bogies - Albany, NY

Day 03: 09-23-09 @ Broadway - Amityville, NY

Day 04: 09-24-09 @ American Legion - Binghamston, NY

2009-09-04T05:54:00.003-04:00

Yesterday, my mother told me that maybe if I were to leave my room every once in a while, I wouldn't be so paranoid and/or have such bad anxiety problems. I suppose this is true, but of course the paranoia and anxiety only make me want to stay in my room longer, causing deeper paranoia and anxiety, causing me to stay in my room even longer, and so on and so forth.

I don't really have anything else I want to write about, I just always take any observations that she makes about me kind of seriously, and felt like documenting it. I really haven't left my house other than to go to the grocery store for a few minutes in over a week. Most days I don't even do that. It's really dark in here most of the time too, so that probably isn't doing anything good for me either.

I don't know when I'll fall asleep today, but I hope it's around noon so that I can try to stay up all night. I don't know why I haven't been able to get on a steady sleeping pattern the last week or so, but I need to snap out of this.

Currently listening to:

Yes

2009-09-02T06:01:00.010-04:00

Depression, paranoia, and anxiety are not desirable problems. Problems aren't desirable in general. Why then, would anyone pretend to have any of these problems? People who are truly depressed want nothing more than an escape. Could it be that you're just going around embracing the IDEA of being depressed and paranoid and aren't really like that? Maybe you just enjoy playing the dark, disturbed, "fucked up" individual because you admire someone else that ACTUALLY feels that way.

That's enough of that.

I just figured out how to sync the Energy Facebook to the Energy Twitter. This means that I can update them both at the same time by sending 1 text message. Now when we're on tour I can keep everyone updated better. I also updated http://www.ThisEnergy.com with a few things.

Currently listening to:

2009-08-27T10:10:00.006-04:00

My entries are basically divided between 2 days because that's how my sleeping pattern is. "Today" (08-26/08-27) I woke up, picked up Julia from her work, and went to Framingham where we got our tickets for the midnight screening of Halloween 2 tonight:

I can't wait.

After that we came home and I fell asleep until 2 am. I went to Mike's around 3 and just hung out there until 7ish. Not a very eventful day. I hope today is.

I leave for tour September 21st which is less than a month away. I think that means 3 weeks without Julia, then she's flying out and meeting up with us for the last week, then we're going out for one more week. 5 weeks total. I don't really care though because in my mind it's only 3 that I really have to make it through without Julia. I am looking forward to seeing how this tour goes because it's with 2 bands that aren't hardcore bands, and that always makes me happy because well, we aren't really a "hardcore" band. I'm not going to bore you and/or myself though with another rant about that. I'm just happy that it's going to be one of the FEW tours that we've ever done that I don't feel was a complete waste of time.

As always, I'm looking forward to the shows, but am dreading the hours and hours of nothing that take up the other 23 and a half hours of every day spent on tour. At least I won't have to listen to a million shitty hardcore bands that sound exactly the same this time. I'll probably just have to sit through a million bands of a different genre that are terrible though. At least it won't be terrible hardcore bands though, because I can't think of anything worse than a mediocre hardcore band. Like I've said before, mediocre is the new terrible.

We have a few photo shoots lined up during this tour which I'm excited about because I love that kind of stuff. Not to mention the fact that there isn't one single promo picture of the current Energy line up.

I need to learn how to sew A.S.A.P. so I don't have to worry about my pants ripping constantly and being stuck thousands of miles away from home without a way to fix them.

2 pictures I found today:

I think I posted this one on here before, but it's a good one and I like showing it to people as often as I can:

That's me when I was about 15, a lot skinnier, and not allergic to hair dye.

And that's a cartoon of me that I made a while ago. I think it's funny because it really does look exactly like me.

I don't know what else to write right now. Joe and I are slowly but surely working on new Energy material, and Mike and I have been recording the Children Of The Night s/t full length almost every night, so that's what I've been up to musically. I also made a new last.fm account because my old one was incredibly inaccurate. Some of the bands in my top 10 hadn't been listened to in over a year, yet remained in their positions. Whatever, here's my new address:

http://www.last.fm/user/JasonTankerley

I think I'm done with this entry now.

Yes

2009-08-21T07:51:00.005-04:00

Today I hung out with Julia and we watched Halloween 2 and Prince Of Darkness. After that I went to Mike's and finally finished recording vocals for the new Children Of The Night song "I Play For Keeps":

We also got a line done for the re-recording of "In The Graveyard". I was supposed to drive Eric to the RMV today, but I guess he's not going anymore, so now I can sleep. Matt IM'd me as I was walking up to my doorstep this morning so I said "fuck it", turned around, picked him up, and drove around for a while. I'd say he's one of, if not THE only person I can honestly say is a lot like me. It's very hard to explain. Not to say that I don't identify with other people in certain areas, but Matt and I share very similar outlooks on almost every single aspect of life.

I didn't eat a meal yesterday, so needless to say I'm really hungry. I think I'm going to eat some ice cream before I go to sleep. I wish it would stop being so humid out, I want to enjoy the summer nights and walk around, but it's too disgusting out. I hope tonight is eventful and fun.

Currently listening to:

Me scaring the shit out of Bob

2009-08-20T08:08:00.002-04:00

or:

CLICK HERE

Yes

2009-08-17T06:25:00.007-04:00

Julia and I woke up today around 4pm, which is normal for me, but very unusual for her. We didn't leave my room for the rest of the night aside from a quick trip to the grocery store. We watched The Office, The Simpsons, A Haunting In Connecticut, and the Danzig home videos. She wasn't feeling very well and fell back to sleep around 11 or so. I let her sleep for a little while and then drove her home. After that I went to Mike's and started recording vocals for one of the new Children Of The Night songs called "I Play For Keeps".

Here is a clip of that:

Now I'm back in my room waiting around until I have to pick up Julia so I can give her the car. I hope I end up doing something fun today/tonight, because things feel like they've been a little repetitive lately. More repetitive than usual that is.

I can't wait for the fall.

The night becomes my bride and everything else must die

2009-08-15T05:08:00.006-04:00

Today I woke up at 3:45 and immediately got stressed out from the fact that I had to be at Dan's by 4:30 so that we could drive to the show in Haverhill. Julia ended up driving me there and she slept in the car while I played. I was fine with that because I just wanted to be with her for the time that I wasn't playing, which is what consumed most of the night. I felt like I was having a panic attack from the second I woke up, until the minute I started playing, which is like a 5 hour gap. I don't know what it is about local shows that freak me out like that. I play shows to total strangers all the time when I'm on tour, but as soon as I start to anticipate having an awkward encounter with an acquaintance, my heart won't stop racing. I must say, it's pretty exhausting being me.

The show went very well, I'd say it was the best show we've ever had at Anchor's Up. We only sold 2 LP's, but I always like to assume that anyone who liked what they saw/heard will at least go home and type in "Energy Invasions Of The Mind Blogspot" on Google. When we got home Julia went right to bed and I just stayed in for the night. I also found out that the Samhain shirt that Julia bought for me isn't even back in stock at Interpunk for another 9 days. So I probably won't be getting it for like 2 weeks...lame.

In the next few days Joe and I will be writing material for the next Energy release at Mike's house. We have a pretty set vision as to what our next release will be like, and I can't wait to be playing songs of this style in our live set. We have an intro that I wrote almost finished that goes into a riff that Joe wrote which will begin track 2, as well as 3 other song ideas I can think of off the top of my head.

Also, Bill Hauser messaged me back regarding my Children Of The Night album art inquiry and it is now definite that he will be drawing the cover for the upcoming Children Of The Night self-titled LP. I am very excited about all the new music that I have planned for my future.

I should try to get to bed at a "decent" hour tonight so that I can hang out with Julia later on.

Until next time...

Currently listening to:

wow

2009-08-15T03:46:00.000-04:00

I always forget that this exists...

Joe recording guitar for a new Energy demo

2009-08-12T02:49:00.003-04:00

Buy my stuff that I don't want

2009-08-11T18:43:00.000-04:00

http://shop.ebay.com/jasontankerley

I don't like many people

2009-08-07T08:20:00.003-04:00

It's 8:23 AM and I should be asleep.

I woke up today, hung out with Julia for a while and went to Target. After that we moved her mattress into storage for some complicated reason that I don't feel like typing out. I dropped her off at home and went home. While I was home I decided to put up Halloween decorations around my room while watching The Nightmare Before Christmas. Yes, Halloween decorations in August.

As I was finishing that, Matt called to see when I was going to Mike's, so I went. Mike and I did yoga, but Matt sat it out because he'd been up for days on end and didn't have the strength to do it. After doing yoga I went out to my car to grab the protein that I had in there and being the moron that I am, I locked my keys in my car. I called Julia and had her leave her extra key in her mailbox so that I could walk there and get it. So, the 3 of us walked all the way from Mike's to Julia's and back. It took around 2 hours total, maybe more. On our way back a cop stopped us and asked what we were doing, what our names/address' were, etc. When we told him, he started getting all weird and telling us that we don't even know where we're going....Yes. After a little bit he got out of the car and accusingly said "THAT'S A LONG WAY TO WALK JUST TO GET KEYS". I was just like "yeah.....I know".

He let us go, but the thing that really bothers me is the fact that we were hassled for walking. That's it. At no point should we have had to explain ourselves to him. We should have been able to have said "we're just walking around for no reason at all", and have it have been fine. I don't get it, are full grown adults not allowed outside past a certain time? He was shining his light in our faces and shit too. I felt so degraded, all I wanted to do was go get my keys, and some total stranger with a gun pulls over, corners me and my friends, and starts giving us the 3rd degree. If we said one thing "wrong", there is no doubt in my mind that he would have searched us and done who knows what else. I have been hassled by Stoughton police so many times since I was 14 and NONE of those times, did I do anything wrong. It always starts with me just walking down the street a little later than when most people do, and some douche bag pulls over and starts giving me shit, searching me, threatening me, calling me names, etc. I shouldn't have to look on the "bright side" and just be thankful that he didn't shoot me.

Whatever, I'm done with that subject. We went back to Mike's and recorded a little bit, watched The Andy Dick show, and then I drove Matt home. Now I'm at home listening to Vaginal Jesus, which Matt showed me last night. Pretty funny/heavy stuff.

I'm going to go to sleep now because I don't like being awake.

I hate being tired.

2009-08-04T05:24:00.006-04:00

Today was a fairly eventful day for me considering how boring my life usually is. I woke up around 1:30 and met up with Matt around 3-ish.

We walked around town for an hour or so and then Julia picked me up from Matt's house. Julia and I went back to my house and ate dinner/watched Contact. After that she went home and I headed to Mike's with Matt and we did yoga. After yoga we just hung out/recorded at Mike's for the rest of the night.

The first time I ever got a C.O.T.N. line in one take was tonight.

It's 5:57 AM right now and I'm just waiting around until 7:30 or whenever I have to pick up Julia. I think I'm driving her to work today so that I can have the car for the day, and so I can go to my Dad's later. This all depends though on whether or not I'll be too tired to drive her all the way to and from work.

I don't think I have anything else that I want to update about right now, so I'm done.

I wish I could choose when to sleep

2009-08-02T03:05:00.006-04:00

It's 3:07 AM and I'm in the hotel room that Julia and I are staying at. We had a nice night relaxing and watching movies. Earlier, we went to Town Spa and got pizza. We also walked around Michael's and the Christmas Tree Shop. Michael's already has Halloween decorations for sale. I was grinning like a little kid the whole time. We initially went in there with the intentions of finding me some patches/fabric to patch up all the holes in my pants with, but we couldn't find what I was looking for. I have no idea where to get fabric like that other than cutting up old clothes, but I really don't have a lot of clothes that I can just cut up like that.

My plan is to just keep patching up the holes in my pants with different patches and eventually it will get to the point where the pants are more patch than pants. I am calling this idea "Operation: Scarecrow Pants". They are by far the most comfortable pair of pants that I have ever owned, so I am going to try to make them last as long as possible. Plus I'm always broke and wouldn't be able to afford new pants anyway. My Mom did buy me some pants a while ago that are nice, but don't hold up while I'm playing a set, so I pretty much HAVE to wear these pants. I'm gonna stop talking about pants now.

The new studio footage of A.F.I. recording Crash Love has me more excited about the new album than the sample of "Medicate" that I heard. They are the last band that I have any faith left in. If they can't make a great album anymore, then I don't think anyone is making anything great. There are GOOD songs here and there, but for me, I feel like music just isn't great anymore. There hasn't been anything that came out and made me go "wow, this is going to be remembered for a long time" in years. It sucks. I'm not really mad about it as much as I am sad at the fact that younger kids don't have any great bands to be excited about. I feel like there are kids out there who genuinely love music for the right reasons, but they aren't presented with anything new that's worth obsessive about. There aren't any bands that have true "fanatics" and/or cult like status. Bands who have a specific type of fan if you will. Bands with a devoted fan base that will not abandon them once everyone ELSE stops talking about them and said band's 15 minutes of "fame" are over. I mean...come on, there isn't ANYONE in the WORLD that can write a great song anymore? For decades and decades there have been so many great songs, so what happened? Did the well dry up? Are there no more great songs left to be written? No, there are an infinite amount of great songs that have yet to be written, people just aren't writing them.

Maybe it has something to do with the fact that it's the year I graduated high school, but I feel like 2003 was roughly the "cut-off-point" if you will. Like I said, there have been good songs here and there since then, but nothing that just makes you go...FUCK. I say it all the time but people need to stop and think for a second..."should I try to create my own music? or am I really just fixated on the IDEA of making music?" I'm not saying don't try, but I feel like there's a certain point, very early on, when you realize - "I'm supposed to make music". If you aren't listening back to the music you created/recorded and saying to yourself "this is awesome, I'm IN my favorite band", you're probably just fixated on the idea of being in a band, and should just stop now because you're ruining it for all the people out there that actually LIKE music. It's kind of like marriage: You always hear people say "you just know when you've met the right person, you just know" And of course, your average American being the IDIOT that they probably are, gets married and regrets it shortly after.

STOP GETTING MARRIED WHEN YOU AREN'T IN LOVE
& STOP MAKING MUSIC WHEN
YOU DON'T EVEN LOVE THE MUSIC YOU'RE MAKING

I know that these blog entries are never going to put an end to terrible music and/or the boring soulless people that make it, but I am human, so I enjoy venting when I'm angry/sad/frustrated.

Also, let's not forget the obvious/obligatory "You didn't HAVE to read this" disclaimer.

I should be asleep right now

2009-08-01T00:41:00.006-04:00

Today Julia and I went to Grasshopper and it was awesome as usual. After that we got our eyebrows threaded, and got a few things from Yankee Candle. I'll just steal Julia's picture that she Tweeted:

With my air conditioner always on, decorations like the one above all around my room, and scented candles with names like "Autumn Leaves, Moonlight Harvest, Fall Festival, Vanilla Pumpkin, Spiced Pumpkin, and Pumpkin Pie" constantly burning, it might as well be Autumn.

We're getting a hotel room tomorrow night(technically tonight) which is always fun. Julia is insisting that she will get me to actually relax by the end of the weekend. We shall see about that.

Time for bed.

P.S.

Add Energy on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/ThisEnergy

As far as I'm concerned, it's Autumn now...

2009-07-30T19:59:00.001-04:00

Busy day today

2009-07-30T06:00:00.004-04:00

Julia bought me this today

Today I woke up, sat around for a while, and waited for Julia to come home so we could go get her oil changed/my external hard drive/go to Whole Foods. We ended up going to Bertucci's for dinner which was awesome. We went back to my house and watched Curb Your Enthusiasm for a while and then I drove her home. After that, I went to Mike's and we traded videos and music on our hard drives. Not much to write about, but it was a pretty fun day all around.

I'm copying all of my music from my iPod to my HD right now. It's taking so long, probably around 6 hours. I don't really have much more to update about, but I at least wanted to write something in this.

Here is my real head

2009-07-28T12:29:00.008-04:00

Ok. I haven't made a decent update in over a month, so I'm going to try to start making updates on somewhat of a regular basis again.

I'm back from tour and spending every possible minute I can with Julia and of course it's awesome. Tonight we are going to see Rancid in Boston. I don't think I've ever seen Rancid besides the 2 times I saw them at Warped Tour, but in my opinion, seeing a band at Warped Tour doesn't really count as seeing a band because the set is always abbreviated, and it's the complete opposite of an intimate setting. If only I saw them with A.F.I. like 10 years ago when I had the chance. There are so many shows I regret not going to. My number 1 probably being when A.F.I./SAMHAIN/DANZIG came through. Why the FUCK would I miss that? I am an idiot that's why. Whatever.

We started recording the Children Of The Night full length before I left for the Debaser tour. 1 song is finished vocally and we are in the middle of another one. I came up with the idea of recording a basic guitar track for all the songs, and just go down the line and knock each song out vocally first, because that's the most arduous part of the whole recording process, so why not get it out of the way. That's usually how we record anyway, but I think if we have basics all laid out and ready to go, it will give us more incentive to finish vocals.

I am getting my external hard drive tomorrow night. I can't wait. 1 Terabyte of whatever the hell I want. Right now I'm just waiting for 6:30 to roll around so that we can go see Rancid. I've been keeping up with cleaning my room and keeping it organized. It looks good. I found an old Misfits and an old A.F.I. poster that I hung up too.

My life is pretty boring when I'm home, but I like it that way.

OH! I almost forgot, the show Saturday in Worcester was awesome, as you can see from the pictures in my last update. I really thought that perhaps people in MA were losing interest in Energy, but I guess not. :) We headlined the upstairs Palladium and there were a lot of people watching our set. It was the kind of show that reminded me that if the 14 year old Jason Tankerley could have looked into the future and caught a glimpse of what he would be doing at the age of 24, he would have probably cried from joy. I got that same feeling the last time we played South Carolina too. I guess my life's not so bad, but I'm sure I'll find something to complain about before the end of the day.

I think I'm going to update this more frequently with smaller things too, just to keep the updates coming. Whether it be a sentence or 2, a video, a link, etc. Not necessarily a quantity over quality type of situation, but just an overall increase in updates.

I'm going to go clean my room now.

Currently listening to:

Worcester Fest

2009-07-26T19:52:00.010-04:00

The first 3 pictures were taken by www.future-breed.com, and the rest by www.returntothepit.com

More in this update coming soon.

ENERGY VIDEO INTERVIEW

2009-06-29T15:24:00.002-04:00

Energy Interview HARDTIMES.CA

Yes

2009-06-26T06:10:00.003-04:00

Well we went home a few days earlier than we anticipated because of show cancellations, people being sick, etc. Honestly, I didn't have much fun on this tour. Something about it really wasn't good. Whatever though, it's over. I'm sure the Debaser tour will be a lot more fun. I think I just don't enjoy being out of the country. We did a video interview for HARD TIMES a few days ago, I think it should be up in a day or 2.

I feel pretty relaxed right now, which doesn't happen very often so I'm trying to enjoy it. I've been listening to The Misfits, Samhain, and Danzig a lot lately. I ended up staying awake until around 11am, I woke up at 5pm, and hung out with Julia for a while until she wanted to go to sleep. After that I went to Mike's house and did yoga and recorded some more vocals for the Children Of The Night song "I'm Gonna Kill You".

I don't have any plans for this week besides spending as much time with Julia as I possibly can before I leave for tour again on July 2nd or 3rd.

Speaking of which:

I have no idea how this show will go. We usually do alright at the ICC, but we haven't played there in a long time so who knows. I think Defeater might get added to the bill, but I'm not sure. At least I'll be able to use my Sidekick on this tour. I'm also told that the drives aren't that long either, so that's a plus. I was feeling really trapped and helpless during this recent tour of Canada. I really hope it's not like that this time. I kept a journal for the first few days of the tour, but it's mostly things that I'd like to keep to myself so I'm not going to post it here. I'm pretty hungry right now, but there's nothing to eat here. I don't really have anything else to say, so I'll just end this entry here.

Yes

2009-06-17T04:43:00.002-04:00

Well, it's 4:47 am and I'm still awake. I only say this because I have to start flipping my sleeping patter back around so that I'm no longer nocturnal because of the upcoming Canadian tour that Energy is doing. We leave Thursday and have a show in Buffalo, New York Thursday night. It's Wednesday morning, and I'm still awake...ughh. Whatever, I do this every time and it never seems to phase me too much because I'm always too nervous and stressed out about touring for exhaustion to catch up with me. I won't be able to use my sidekick while I'm in Canada because of dumb ass international charges. I won't even be able to Tweet. How the fuck will I get through this? I guess I'll just have to listen to my headphones and maybe even read some. I just recently started in on reading Henry Rollins' "A Dull Roar" again. I started reading it in November/December while I was in Europe but I never finished it. I started in on it again last night, only to break my last pair of reading glasses tonight. I hope I can get some before I leave. I can barely even read what I'm typing right now, I'm not joking. If I didn't know what I just typed, I wouldn't be able to read any of this.

I talked to Josh today and he said that he'll press the Children Of The Night album on "B loodlust Records" some time this Fall/Winter. It will be on 12" Vinyl and will come with a digital download. There will be a T-Shirt/Vinyl Pre-Order deal as well. It will have 11 songs and the track list is as follows (but not in this exact order):

01. In The Graveyard
02. I Killed Your Boyfriend
03. Ghoul Like You
04. Route 44
05. The Messenger
06. I'm Gonna Kill You
07. I Play For Keeps
08. Demon In Disguise
09. I Remember You
10. Born On The Day Of The Dead
11. Weird Town

We're aiming for an Energy/Children Of The Night tour (so basically just Energy featuring Mike Rendini) at some point to promote the record. Since we're recording it ourselves, it saves everyone on recording costs, which I believe is usually the most expensive part of pressing a record. Mike didn't save any of the old recordings as .wav files, and we obviously want zero quality loss when pressing it to vinyl, so we have to re-record all of them. I don't mind too much except for "The Messenger" because all the other songs were recorded so long ago and Mike got way better at recording since then. I just wish he had "The Messenger" in .wav because that came out fine for the most part. I just came home from recording "I'm Gonna Kill You" at Mike's a little while ago. Overall a pretty productive/positive day in the world of Children Of The Night.

My goal for today is to wake up fairly early, hopefully getting between 4-6 hours of sleep, and do all my laundry, pack up for tour, etc. Julia and I are having a "beauty day" as well. We'll be getting our hair cut and our nails and eyebrows done. We're also going to Grasshopper, which is always awesome. Even though we go like once or twice a week, I still love going there, I don't care. Hopefully after all this is done, I will be tired enough to fall asleep at a decent enough hour due to my lack of sleep tonight, and be fully rested to start in on our first Canadian tour of 2009.

Tuesday was Julia and I's 7 year anniversary. I won't write an enormous paragraph or anything, but we didn't really do anything that's much different from what we usually do when we're together. We hung out, went to Grasshopper, and reminisced about the past. I think that kind of shows just how close we really are because neither of us cared that we couldn't afford to go away or anything like that. It would have been nice, but it was an amazing day anyway because it was spent with each other. We're now going on 8 years.

Purely coexist
Separate from all the rest
I am you are me

Yes

2009-06-13T05:20:00.003-04:00

Fuck it, I'll do a blog entry.

I've been doing yoga and pilates with Mike a lot lately, every day pretty much, and we've been jogging quite a bit too. We played a show last night in Mendon, it kind of sucked. I had a fun time playing and all, but I could have done that in front of no one. I constantly feel like nobody even gives a shit. Matt was saying how hilariously ironic it was that we were at a "hardcore punk" show, and everyone is standing still all awkward and not moving around, and yawning at that. He also said that we should turn down when the PA sucks as bad as it did because you couldn't hear me at all. I didn't necessarily have a bad time, it just wasn't that good of a show, whatever. It was mainly cool to hang out with Matt at the show because he's one of only 1 or 2 people that I feel I identify with at least a little, and yes, I do realize that he's insane and that that could possibly mean that I'm insane as well. So be it I guess. He gets a shit load of money from the government for being crazy, good for him.

I'm downloading every Bob Dylan album right now. Everyone tells me that I should get into Bob Dylan, and he's regarded as one the greatest songwriters/lyricists of all time so I have to check it out. 33 albums in like 3 hours or less. Hmm that's like roughly $527.67 worth of Bob Dylan albums, isn't it nuts how I manage to come up with all this money to spend on music without having a job?

I've been listening to a lot of Dischord stuff lately, mainly Minor Threat, Embrace, Fugazi, Rites Of Spring, SOA. I'll probably listen to the Faith/Void split cd tomorrow as well.

Julia slept over tonight and she has work in a few hours. I wish she would just quit her job and we could just run away or something. I don't care how childish it sounds, I just want us to be nomadic, and free from the monotonous bullshit that is every day "normal" life. I would gladly settle for a 100 dollar a month shit hole with public bathrooms and showers, I don't care at all, I just need to be on my own. If all I had to do was come up with 100 dollars a month to be able to have the shittiest apartment possible, I'd figure out a way to make that happen. Maybe I will actually. I might look into that because I really can't live here any longer. I would seriously rather sleep under the half pipe at the skate park a lot of the time. I actually WANT to do that. I WANT to live in a terribly shitty apartment and work part time while I'm home and be self sufficient. What I DON'T want, is any long term commitment like a 1 or 2 year lease on a 1,000 dollar a month apartment, forcing me to work full time and save every penny for rent and tour. I wouldn't even be able to do that anyway because there's no way I'd land a new full time job in between each tour, and there's no way any job would just let me come and go as I please for tours. If I worked part time at say a Newbury Comics, or a Hot Topic or something, I'd be able to afford a cheap place, and I wouldn't mind saving all my money. I'm done talking about this for right now, it's getting me too pissed off.

I've been thinking, maybe I AM an asshole. But, maybe "asshole" or whatever other labels like that that I might fall under aren't that bad. Because some of the reasons that I've been called these things are insane. So I guess since everyone seems to disagree with me on these matters, I am in fact an asshole. I can deal with that, because I'm not going to change. I will never watch your terrible band play, because it's terrible. "He doesn't watch any of the opening bands"...correct! Because every night of my life on tour is spent at shows full of terrible bands. A full U.S. tour is roughly 30 shows. Each show has 4 to 7 openers. We do enough touring so that we are on tour for more than half the year. 6 months of touring, 30 days a month = 180 shows. 180 shows multiplied by 5 bands a show = 900 bands. Seriously wrap your head around that for a minute. All the nights that you spend at home, or out with friends or doing whatever it is that you do, I'm in some random state playing with half a dozen random terrible bands. Believe me, I've given plenty of bands a chance, but there has yet to be one single band that Energy has ever played with that I listen to in my own spare time. That is, except for the bands that I already liked anyway like Set Your Goals, Go It Alone, and Modern Life Is War. I've never been like "OH WOW, THAT BAND WAS GREAT, I THINK I'LL GO BUY THEIR RECORD NOW", or anything like that. I just don't like modern day hardcore or pop punk bands really. I don't like modern music that much to be honest. I can probably count the bands that are still active today that I like on my fingers. If what I said before this sentence makes me an asshole, so be it. I don't care. I just know for a fact that I'm not going to like any bands that we play with.

And also, on another topic, why would I ever WANT to make a friend on tour? So I can invite more hopelessness and sadness into my life due to the fact that I will never be truly close with these people because of the distance? No thanks, I'll just continue to live inside my own head instead. I need to learn to do that more. I need to learn how to just put my headphones in, and just disappear into my own world inside my head during the long drives. I'm too dependent on everyone else's conversation and communication in general. I also need to get some mace or something so that I can go for walks by myself without worrying too much about being robbed at knife or gunpoint.

Every time I really start thinking about how I am happiest when dealing with people the least, I always think of this lyric from "Nobody But You" by Go It Alone: "This is what I've learned: Don't search for solace in another's embrace. Everyone that we hold so dear gets lost in the static of the passing years. So, learn to be alone. Find comfort in the solitude. Harden your heart and build unbreakable will. It's the only way you'll ever survive this world." I used to think that I might someday be able to overcome these feelings of hopelessness and alienation, but I've realized over time that I need to welcome it, because it's the only thing that will ever be truly loyal to me.

I think that that last paragraph would have been a good way to go out, but I just don't care. I'll just end this entry with my plans for the day. It's 7:27am and I still haven't gone to bed. Julia will be waking up in about a half an hour to go to work. I'm assuming she's only working until noon, which means that I'll have to wake up in the middle of my "night" basically, in order to spend any time with her on her day "off". I don't mind doing that at all though, as long as I'm not nodding off and dizzy, I'm willing to be tired all day just to spend some time with her. Monday marks 7 years since we first started dating. I'm going to sleep now.

Yes

2009-06-11T08:32:00.001-04:00

I really identify with what he says from 2:58 to 3:25

Yes

2009-06-10T18:05:00.001-04:00

Copied from http://jasontankerley.tumblr.com :

"I’m updating this because I made it yesterday and knowing that there’s nothing on it yet is driving me insane. Tonight I plan on hanging out with Jullia, doing some yoga, going for a jog, and recording. I will probably do all of that except go for a jog. I want to, but I probably won’t have time. Energy has a show tomorrow in some random town in MA at some skatepark, that should be cool I guess, seeing as we don’t play at home that much anymore.

I’m probably going to sync this up with jasontankerley.blogspot.com a lot of the time, but I will be blogging while on-the-go with this more often because of the Tumblr Bot for AIM that Tumblr offers. However many characters AIM allows you to send in one IM is how long of an update I can make from my sidekick. I can also make updates with unlimited characters with the email-update option, so I might do that sometimes as well. I know that nobody cares, I just find these things really cool and interesting, and I am obsessed with the idea of documenting my life online.

I just got out of the shower and I should probably start getting ready for my somewhat of a busy night."

Tried to save myself, but myself keeps slipping away

2009-06-06T01:52:00.007-04:00

The last update I made was the day before I left for The Wonder Years tour. It was a very good tour. That's about as much as I'd like to talk about touring.

Since tour, I've been going to Mike's and doing yoga. Last night we went for a jog for a while. Today I woke up to my Dad calling me to tell me he was going to stop by my Mom's for a minute. He found a handful of records in the trash at his work and he gave them to me. Some of them include: Cream - Wonderful, A Clockwork Orange Soundtrack, Pink Floyd - Wish You Were Here, The Who - Tommy.

Last night Julia bought me these:

I feel like the Siamese Dream one is a little wobbly. Certain records are on my turntable, which leads me to believe that it's my turntable and not necessarily the records. I read this today and it reminded me that I'm not the only one to ever feel this way: "McCartney had insisted from the beginning of their marriage that his wife should be involved in his musical projects, so that they did not have to be apart when he was on tour."

Mike was showing me some Beatles stuff last night, videos, songs, etc. and I realized that they are amongst many essential bands that I have yet to really get into. Mike also brought up a good point though, he said that it might be a good thing that I waited because it's better to spread it out than to get into all this amazing music during one short time period.

Begin Depression (I'm giving you fair warning to skip this paragraph in order to keep yourself in a good mood):

I don't have many friends anymore really. Sometimes it makes me sad, sometimes it makes me happy, but most of the time I just don't care. When I go on tour only one person calls me. On this past tour no one outside my family called me. If Julia came with me on every tour, I could leave my phone behind and it wouldn't affect anyone. I feel so broken constantly. I feel so depressed all the time and I always think "how much more of this can I take before I just lose it?". Not "lose it" like go ballistic and go on a killing spree or anything, but just completely give up. But then I realize, I think I already have lost it. My own depression doesn't even dig me deeper anymore, it just repeatedly lets me know where I am, and where I've been for quite some time now. I don't make friends on tour, and I certainly don't make friends when I'm home. I don't want any more friends though. I don't feel close to anyone besides Julia. I'm sorry if this offends anyone, but it's how I feel. I know that I may share certain bonds with certain individuals, but that doesn't mean we are truly close. I would be sad if I lost the few friends that I have, but it wouldn't be like if I lost Julia. The way I am around her is as close to being "myself" as anyone's going to get. If I lost that, I would enter a state of mind that would eventually destroy me.

I'll end this section on a quote: “It is no surprise to me that hardly anyone tells the truth about how they feel. The smart ones keep themselves to themselves for good reason. Why would you want to tell anyone anything that's dear to you? Even when you like them and want nothing more than to be closer than close to them? It's so painful to be next to someone you feel strongly about and know you can't say the things you want to.”

/End Depression

Wednesday I saw Nine Inch Nails and Jane's Addiction with Julia, Eric, and my Dad. It was awesome. I'm not nearly as into Jane's Addiction as I am Nine Inch Nails but they were really fun to watch as well. NIN didn't play a LOT of the songs that I wanted them to, but it's ok. Songs that I wanted them to play that they didn't include: Lights In The Sky, We're In This Together, Starfuckers Inc., The Wretched, Closer, Ruiner, Terrible Lie, Down In It, Only, Every Day Is Exactly The Same, Survivalism, Capital G, and a bunch more. They did however play Hurt, which is my favorite song by them, and one of my favorite songs of all time. The saddest song ever written in my opinion.

Here are some videos from Wednesday starting with HURT:

"Hurt"

"Gave Up"

"Metal"

"Burn"

"Echoplex"

"Discipline"

"Home"

"La Mer"

"Head Like A Hole"

"Somewhat Damaged"

"The Hand That Feeds"

They also played: March Of The Pigs, Piggy, The Fragile, and Wish.

Julia has been asleep for a while now, I want to fall asleep soon so that we can wake up around the same time and enjoy a nice day together. I hate being away from her even if it's just a matter of hours. It's like some emotional prison cell. I found a picture of her that she gave me when she was like 16 with a note on the back. I don't know if it's too personal of a note to post in my blog so I won't. Even then, we knew that we would always be in love with each other. We started dating on June 15th 2002, and in 9 days we will be celebrating our 7th anniversary. I think after that date I will make a sappy entry detailing how we met. A tragedy occurs every time we spend a fraction of a second away from each other. I don't care how corny any of this sounds, she is the only thing that keeps me going in life. In the words of Placebo "Without you, I'm nothing".

I'm going to end this entry now solely because this is roughly how long my entries usually are, and as of this moment, I'll stick to those guidelines.

YES

2009-05-28T03:12:00.003-04:00

I look terrible in this picture, but hey, it is what it is I guess.

This is a video from May 10th, 2008 that I didn't even know Eric filmed until I just saw it on my computer:

The last thing I said in the video was a reference to the scene at 7:24 in this video:

I wish I just never said it so that I wouldn't have had to explain it.

As you can see, recording vocals with Mike Rendini is a slow, grueling process, but the end result is so pleasing that it's worth all the frustration.

Tomorrow, I leave for the 5 day tour with The Wonder Years. I am looking forward to this for many reasons, most of which I already talked about in my last entry, but I'll add that I am especially happy that Joe is going on this tour. I'll just leave it at that I guess.

I didn't do much today. I sat around and waited for Julia to get out of work, and when she did, we went to Grasshopper. After that she went home and I drove Eric to Cape Cod.

I urge everyone to add my friend Robert's studio's page on Myspace. NO CONTROL STUDIOS. Energy and/or Children Of The Night will surely end up recording some material there some time, hopefully soon.

It's 2:43 am right now and I need to be at Dan's by noon to head out on the tour. I should probably go to sleep now.

Hello

2009-05-24T23:05:00.004-04:00

I haven't update since before I left for the Mongoloids/Energy tour. Not much has really happened, we played the shows, some were good some were bad. It was a tour. It was nice to finally tour with them because we've known them for a little while, but it just never happened for one reason or another. I want to go into detail about it, but I feel it would just be boring.

We got home this past morning at like 5:30am and I didn't get to sleep until like 6:30am. Somehow around 9:45 my body tells me it's time to wake up. It is now 11:11pm, and I'm still not tired. Julia came over around 12 I think, and she got me Town Spa. She's staying over tonight.

I wanted to head to Mike's to work on the new song some more, but I know that if I head over there I'll get tired so fuck it.

I really only get internet access a handful of times on tour, and when I do, I'm not really in the mental state to make blog entries. It's not an excuse, because I could just type it out on my Sidekick in the van, and post it all later, but that's one of the reasons behind my lack of updates.

I think I have to pick Eric up tomorrow at some point which is going to suck because it's Memorial Day, and everyone goes to Cape Cod on Memorial Day, so I'm probably going to get stuck in terrible traffic. I'll just try to go really late so that hopefully I miss it.

My life is pretty uneventful. I like being home because almost immediately upon arrival, I feel the urge to write and record. That urge never strikes me on tour. MAYBE once in a blue moon, but not usually.

We leave Thursday for our tour with The Wonder Years. I'm happy that that's happening for a handful of reasons. One of the reasons is because Josh and Julia are coming, and that is just going to make me extremely happy. The other is that the tour is with a band that isn't a hardcore band. I don't want to get into a rant right now, but I'll just say that lately I've been really fixated on the idea of playing shows other than hardcore shows. I love a lot of older hardcore bands, but that's irrelevant really (as far as where Energy fits in). The percentage of shows we play that are hardcore shows should somewhat match the percentage of which our sound falls under the genre. For example: Let's say we all believe that our sound is 25 percent hardcore/75 percent other influences, that would mean that ideally, we would only do hardcore shows 25 percent of the time. The others would be oh, I don't know...any of the dozens of other sub-genres of "rock" that exist in the underground music scene. I talked to everyone about this last night at the show and everyone is on the same page so this isn't JUST me ranting uncontrollably, it's more or less me recapping a discussion had last night during the drive home. Sick actually IM'd me during the ride home and we talked about the same thing. He agrees 100 percent. I didn't even bring it up either, he IM'd me to talk to me about it. Generally when that happens, I know it's not just me over analyzing, or over exaggerating a situation or topic, and that it's actually justified. Well, it looks like I ended up ranting a little anyway, oh well. I'll end the rant that I didn't want to get into on a positive note by saying that I am really looking forward to our upcoming tour with The Wonder Years...despite still having never heard them.

Even though our show last night sucked for the most part, I've been in a fairly good mood since we played. We maintained steady conversation on the drive home, and I haven't been annoyed TOO badly by anything since I entered Stoughton. Hopefully it stays that way.

I have to hang out with Matt at least a few times before Thursday because after that he's moving out west for a while, and possibly to Africa to work with the Earthship people for a while. He said it could be for only a month, but it could also end up being longer.

I have recently decided to start collecting movies on my computer. Preferably .avi files. I have them all alphabetically organized with artwork. Right now I have 36 movies, 10 or so comedy videos, a handful of documentaries and music videos, and some TV shows = 41.47 GB. I plan on getting a Terabyte (1,000 GB) Hard Drive and eventually storing them all on there. I would also like to get the necessary wires to play these movies on my TV straight from my MacBook, but of course money stands in the way of all this.

I am currently getting the Jurassic Park trilogy which I'm very excited about. I have a list of "Movies to get" which I'm constantly adding to, so if you are reading this and can think of any other "must-have" movies that I don't have on these lists, please leave a comment with your suggestion(s).

MOVIES I HAVE:

American Psycho
Army Of Darkness
Beetlejuice
Big Lebowski, The
Big Money Hustlas
Children Of The Corn
Clockwork Orange, A
Corpse Bride
Craft, The
Dark Knight, The
Devil's Rejects, The
Ed Wood
Evil Dead
Evil Dead 2
Eyes Wide Shut
Fight Club
Fire In The Sky
Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Friday The 13th (2009)
Halloween
Halloween (2007)
Hellraiser
House Of 1,000 Corpses
Howard Stern - Private Parts
Jerky Boys, The
Jurassic Park 1,2,3
Nightmare Before Christmas, The
Office Space
Powder
Prince Of Darkness
Shining, The
Simpsons Movie, The
SLC Punk!
Tropic Thunder
Waterboy, The
Yes Man
Zack And Miri Make A Porno

MOVIES I NEED(In no particular order):

Hitch
Milk
Twister
Ghostbusters 1,2
Happy Gilmore
Billy Madison
Celtic Pride
Empire Records
Wedding Singer
Departed
Cable Guy
American History X
Pump Up The Volume
Heathers
Sleepy Hollow
Sweeney Todd
Charlie and the chocolate factory
Willie Wonka and the Chocolate factory
Halloween - All
Hook
Black Sheep
Tommy Boy
Almost Heroes
Tremors - All
Haggard
Step Brothers
Friday The 13th - All
Nightmare on Elm St. - All
Nirvana - About A Son
Man On The Moon
Batman
Batman Returns
Batman Forever
Donnie Darko
40 Year Old Virgin
Dodgeball
Slapshot
Stripes
Caddyshack
Animal House
Blues Brothers
Groundhog Day
Back To School
Naked Gun - All
Airplane
Ernest - All
Elf
The Grinch
Old School
Road Trip
Spaceballs
Robin Hood: Men in Tights
Young Frankenstein
History Of The World
Blazing Saddles
Thank You For Smoking
Supersize Me
The Crow
Dirty Work
Adams Family 1,2
Ace Ventura 1,2
Dumb And Dumber
Truman Show
The Mask
Me, Myself & Irene
Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Boondock Saints
Big Daddy
Mr. Deeds
Sid And Nancy
Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind
Bruce Almighty
Liar Liar
Dracula
My Cousin Vinny
Romper Stomper
Death To Smoochy
Lady In The Water
Signs
The 6th Sense
The Happening
Back To The Future - All
Independence Day
Men In Black
Edward Scissorhands
Pulp Fiction
Grindhouse
Death Proof
Wayne's World 1,2
American Pie
Exorcism Of Emily Rose
Vacation
Christmas Vacation
Vegas Vacation
Fletch
40 First Dates
Airheads
High Fidelity
Spinal Tap
2001: A Space Odyssey
Gummo
The Illusionist
Amadeus
The Red Violin
Almost Famous
Rookie Of The Year
Jeepers Creepers 1,2
Honey I Shrunk The Kids
Donnie Brasco
The Forbidden Zone
The Others
Invasion Of The Body Snatchers

P.S. I just look way too bad right now to take a picture for this entry.

Currently Watching:

Vinyl

2009-05-12T08:52:00.002-04:00

We're friends, and because of that, your band is good.

2009-05-10T23:09:00.015-04:00

What he says at 1:54 couldn't be more relevant today:

"But they're good dudes"? Fuck You.

So you're telling me that because you were nice to me during our few encounters that I am expected to support and/or like your band now? Nope. I'm not one for generalized public posts like this, but since this isn't directed at any individual band or person, I can't just say it to that one person or band. It seems to happen every single day.

Statements like "I don't like their band, but they're good dudes so good for them" are bullshit. If my friend starts a band, and his/her band writes music that I don't like, I'm not going to give it my stamp of approval. If they start let's say...oh I don't know, A SKATEBOARD company, yes I am going to support them, because I don't have anything against skateboarding. I do however have something against bad music, and if I think your band is bad, I'm NOT going to tell everyone to go check out your songs, or that you're an "amazing" band. At the same time though, I'm not saying that any time you don't like a band, you have to go and publicly announce your dislike for them, because sometimes it's just mean and uncalled for, but stop making musical recommendations based on the personalities within a band. There are plenty of people that I really like as people, but don't like their band. There are also plenty of bands that I really like, that have some bad people in them. AND THAT'S OK. In the past I have actually brought up a band that I like and someone interrupts me and tells me that they can't believe I like that band because of what a certain individual did to someone they know. I'm sorry, I forgot that I'm supposed to like bands based on how this weeks episode of the underground music scene's soap opera turned out. If a band sounds good, I listen to it. If not then I don't. But then again, I'm forgetting that most people don't actually listen to music nowadays. If I met any of my favorite bands and they weren't "good dudes" to me...Oh well. I will always like their music the same way that I always have.

Here's an interesting scenario:

Let's say that you are a fan of the music that I make. An Energy fan/COTN fan, whatever. LET'S JUST SAY... I walk up to you, call you a piece of shit, run over your dog, and steal all of your money. I do this knowing very well that you are an avid listener of the music that I make. Are you still an Energy/COTN fan? If your answer was "No fucking way", "Not a chance", or any variation of "No", then you never liked us to begin with. Because what I just did to you didn't change the fact that you identified with lyrics I've written, It didn't magically change any of the melodies that I wrote into ones that you don't like, and it sure as FUCK shouldn't make any difference whatsoever as to whether or not you enjoy my music...because it LITERALLY CAN'T make that difference. What was actually happening all along was that you never liked us to begin with, that's all.

P.S.

If you took any of this the wrong way, good. You are probably one of the thousands of idiots out there that this entry is directed towards.

Yes

2009-05-06T06:05:00.009-04:00

"Yes" is generally what I put for a title when I can't think of anything else.

I am not wearing any makeup, my eyebrows look like shit, and I need a haircut.

My Mom bought me these online the other day:

Not the red ones, but 2 pairs of the black ones. The pants that I have right now have huge holes in multiple places, so this is awesome. She also bought me some more shoes as well. I always get the same exact pair of shoes every single time. I like all black shoes, and I hate having to tie my shoes. So if all black Vans slip-ons are clearly the best choice, why change? If I had the money though, I'd get all kinds of different shoes just to switch it up, but since I am so poor, I can only get what comes my way, which is one pair of new shoes every time mine start to fall apart. No complaints there. And when I say "falling apart", I actually mean it. I literally duct taped one of them back together while I was on the Defeater tour.

Here is what they look like right now:

Pretty bad.

Tonight I went to Mike's and we toyed around with different drum ideas. Yesterday around this time I went for a walk around Stoughton and came up with a melody for the chorus that I like. I then proceeded to write some lyrics to it in my head. I need one more line to have the lyrics for the verse and chorus done. There may be more spots in the song that need lyrics, but I'll decide that once I record everything that I already have so that I can get a better idea.

Yesterday I burned a hole in my air mattress with my hair straightener, so now I'm sleeping on the floor. I think Julia and I might try to find a patch kit for it after she gets out of work today. I wanted to go for a walk again this morning, but it was raining so I couldn't. I really like going for walks. When I'm alone on a walk, I think about a lot of things that I wouldn't have otherwise, and when I'm with other people, things are discussed that otherwise wouldn't have been. I like going for walks around Stoughton especially. On tour it's good to get away from everything, but at home it's good in a different way, it's hard to explain.

Speaking of tour, I leave for another one in 9 days, this time it's with The Mongoloids, and the tail end of it is with a band called "The Wonder Years". I have never heard "The Wonder Years" before. I'm pretty sure they're a pop punk type of band so I guess that's good that we aren't going on ANOTHER tour with all hardcore bands. I don't like most pop punk, but at least we won't be the only band that has melodies. I don't like most hardcore either. I just can't really think of many newer bands that I like. All of my favorite bands are either broken up, or have been around for 10 years or more. The only hardcore bands that were left that I liked were Modern Life Is War and Go It Alone, and of course they both broke up. I am excited about Jesse Michaels' new band "Classics Of Love" though. This picture of them playing gives me at least a LITTLE hope in the underground music scene:

I'll stop there because there's no point in going any further on the topic of music being terrible nowadays. I talk about it WAY too much.

Back to tour. Another tired subject, but I am not really looking forward to it for the same reason I'm never usually looking forward to it. Julia and I started dating June 15th 2002. We have lived with each other on and off ever since. I will never be happy until I can spend every single day with her. Every single day that I'm gone on tour is so hard because of this. Don't get me wrong though, I really am looking forward to constantly rushing around, eating terribly, getting zero exercise, personalities constantly clashing, sleeping on floors, temperature extremes, spending hours on end in a van every single day, listening to horrible band after horrible band every single night, having absolutely no time to myself...you get the point. BUT, music is the only thing that I believe I'm any good at, and it's what I have the most fun doing, so I'm going to just keep working at it until hopefully some day I can bring the aspects of home that I miss so much, on the road with me. That's all I'm going to say about that.

Along with that comes the fear I have of the idea of conventional "success" get into my subconscious too much, and having an effect on my art. I NEVER want to be trying to "write the song that will pay the bills". I want to always write the music that I would want to hear, and IF that somehow eventually works out well financially for me, then so be it. Ever time I sit down to write, I have to shut that out, and concentrate on what the 14/15 year old version of myself would have wanted to hear:

There's an interview with David Grohl where he says something along the lines of "I didn't start playing the drums as a career choice, I started playing because I love music." I didn't learn how to play the guitar and sing so that I could someday be secure financially, I started because I was so inspired by music that I wanted to someday create my own. I looked for a while for the interview, but I can't find it.

I just came back from picking up Julia and she's off to work now. She just brought to my attention that I probably enjoy going for walks so much because it allows me to relax, while at the same time giving me the sense of structure that I need at all times in my life. I don't ever just sit around and relax, EVER. Even when there's nothing to do, I just sit in front of this computer and waste time on the internet. I never just sit somewhere and relax. I don't know why, but I just can't imagine myself doing that. It's like "OK, next I would like to sit right here and do nothing for a while.", I just can't do that. I need to be doing SOMETHING. Julia also just told me that we're going to Grasshopper tonight. I am really looking forward to that seeing as I didn't eat anything besides potatoes and Oreos today. I seriously just heated up a few whole potatoes and at them as if they were apples or some kind of fruit that you eat by hand. Overall, today was pretty uneventful. Julia has the next 4 days off from work and I am still working on the recording of my new song. That's pretty much all that's going on in my life right now, and that's just fine. Actually, it's my ideal situation to be in: writing and recording music, and hanging out with Julia.

I'm going to end this entry here only because I feel that it's getting too long.

P.S. though:

I added different icons on the sidebar of this blog. I even added an iChat one so that you can IM me straight from this page. I think it's pretty cool. Ok I'm done.

Video update: The Shadowlands Part 2

2009-05-04T06:05:00.004-04:00

Video Update: The Shadowlands Part 1

2009-05-04T02:11:00.003-04:00

A preview of the music for "The Shadowlands". I'm bored watching Mike do keyboards so I recorded some of it. We still have a quite a bit more to do. And to the recording nerds out there: There isn't any reverb on anything yet, he's waiting until it's all done for that.

Down here in The Shadowlands...

2009-05-03T06:03:00.004-04:00

Today I woke up around 5pm. I woke up from my Mom putting a package I got in the mail in my room. It was the package that Tanya from South Carolina sent me. She works at Hot Topic down there and got me a couple shirts. I asked her how much I owed her and she said "I'm sure we can work out a trade or something". That was very nice of her. I'm wearing one of the shirts she got me in the picture above. Here are some better pictures:

Front:

Back:

and last but not least:

I love getting new clothes.

I also did my nails today:

I think this is the first time in almost 6 months that I've had nail polish on...weird. Also, as you can see, I need to get my eyebrows done BADLY, and I need to trim my hair...I hate all the maintenance that goes along with being a human being.

My mom offered to buy me pants today. I am beyond excited about that, I just hope I can find some good ones online. Any suggestions? (Jason, I'm looking in your direction)

My mom ALSO bought me a veggie pocket today and we watched "The Strangers". I thought it was great, apparently it's based on a true story...yikes.

I'm not as depressed as I was last night, so that's good. I think that typing up that huge entry helped get certain things off my mind. Tonight, Eric and I went to Mike's and I finished bass on "The Shadowlands". We also added a few more layers of ambiance. I am really excited about this song. I can't wait to do vocals. I have the verses done, but I need a melody and lyrics for the chorus. I don't think this is going to be a very "chorus-driven" song, but that could very well change seeing as I don't have it written yet. I really like the verses though. I always get so nervous when I write stuff because I'm so paranoid about it being too influenced by one thing or another. I'm also always worried that the melodies that I write are from another song, and that I won't realize until it's too late and the song is recorded. Every musician I know worries about these things though.

Tomorrow, well today technically, Julia comes back from watching her boss' dogs. I can't wait to see her. Even after just a few days, I really miss seeing her. I hope we do something fun like go to Borderland or something. I also can't wait to record again. Every time I leave Mike's it's because he's too tired to continue recording until the next day. I'm not complaining by any means, I'm just saying that because if it were entirely up to me, I would never leave. I would record and brainstorm until I passed out. I love recording so much. That's easily my favorite part of being in a band. I sit in my room, come up with song ideas, and then watch it all come together in the studio. I like recording with Mike especially because he gets the absolute best takes out of you. He makes it sound real AND perfect. I must have played the same bassline 100 times in a row tonight, but I know that once I nail it, it's definitely a keeper because Mike won't settle for anything but perfection. Listening to the song it sounds like I'm some great guitar player/musician, but I'm not. It took me a million tries to get it that good. I guess that's what recording is all about though, bringing out the absolute best in you. I could never do any of that live though, no way.

I wish I was tired, but I'm not. I should at least try and go to sleep. Goodnight...or day, whatever.

Beam me up 'cus I can't breathe

2009-05-02T07:14:00.010-04:00

Maybe I should update this.

I don't do anything besides sit in my room, and I like it that way. The only time I really ever leave my bubble is to eat or make music. However, I did go to the Bridgewater Triangle recently, that was cool, but of course the one time I choose to go out and do something, I get reminded almost immediately as to why I like to remain in this bubble. I can't stand everyone, and you know, it's probably better that I don't associate with anyone anyway, because my negativity and dislike for their character flaws will only cause stress in both of our lives, so fuck it. Every single stressful situation in life is caused by someone else having a problem with something about you. It's hardly ever something that you did that pisses you off. So, the less people I know, the happier I will be.

Also, I can't remember if I wrote about this recently or not but, I don't think I care if people think I'm an asshole anymore. I'm not going to beg and plead for it anymore, just fuck it. It sounds like common sense, but I'm just going to say and do what I want whenever I want. Fuck it. I keep thinking that lately: "Fuck it". Nothing is fun anymore, it seems like I don't get thrills from anything anymore. I just want to have that liberating feeling of going in front of a crowd and saying all the "wrong" things, and not giving a shit about what they're going to go home and say on message boards. I almost want to intentionally say the things that would piss everyone off, whether I actually believe what I'm saying or not, just as a way to say "fuck off".

I haven't updated this in a while, but I wish that I had been. Nothing that eventful has been going on in my life that Twitter can't handle, but it's just nice to sit down and type out what you're thinking in a long winded manner. I'm back to being on a nocturnal sleeping pattern. I just can't help it, it just happens no matter what. Every time I come back from tour, within 2 days I'm staying up until 8am, and waking up at 4pm.

Lately I've been recording at Mike's house. I've been slowly working away at completing a recording of MY first complete piece of music. Besides "Invasions", which doesn't count because it's just an instrumental song based around 1 single riff, this will be the first time I've written a song all by myself. I would LOVE to continue to do this from now on. I want to be one of those people that just has albums and albums worth of material that they're just sitting on, waiting for the right moment to release each song, like Prince. This song I'm working on right now is called "The Shadowlands". I'd like to go into detail as to what it's about, but, for the most part, I don't like to make my song topics public. I feel that the lyrics should speak for them self, whether that be my interpretation, or the listeners. I came up with an idea for a song the other day that I'm pretty excited about. The song called "Valhalla Radio". It seems like every time I hang out with Matt, our conversation leads to me coming up with artistic ideas that I really like. That's where the title "Invasions Of The Mind" came from. So far on "The Shadowlands", I have drums, guitars, and keyboards done. I started on bass the other day, but only completed one part. I am trying to record as much of this song by myself as I can. I can play guitar and bass well enough to get good takes after 600 attempts, and I can sing well enough to get one good take out of 6,000 attempts. So hopefully it's sooner than later that I complete this song. I really only want to record it so that I can listen to it, and know that I did it all by myself. I want it to become an Energy song, which it probably will. I don't see why not. I wish that the recording industry wasn't so stupid, where I couldn't just include this exact recording somewhere on our next album. That we will have to re record it to fit the sound of the album. I'm for the idea of an album having a uniform sound, but I'm also for the idea of going into different studios (which is what this is) and getting different sounds. If there are a few songs on an album that sound completely different, so what. Who gives a shit. I could see if it wasn't as loud as other songs or something basic like that, but I think that this specific song, has a specific feel, and Mike's basement captures it perfectly. But hey that's just me...

I have been REALLY into this song lately:

Apparently they didn't want that stupid chipmunk intro in the song, which I don't blame them, but the evil advertising bastards said that it was the only way they would ever become popular, so they left it in the song. I believe it was a DJ who accidentally played part of the song at the wrong speed one time, who suggested it. Great melodies, great lyrics, just a great song all around.

Julia and her sister are at Julia's other boss' house watching her dogs while she's away, so I won't be seeing her all weekend. So this is pretty much going to be a shitty weekend for me, especially seeing as I don't even have a car to drive to Mike's and work on my song.

An overall quick summary: I'm really, really depressed lately, and I'm pretty sure I know exactly why, but as usual, it's many, many different things.

P.S.

A lot of the time I feel like when I talk about these things, people can tell that there's actually substance behind what I'm saying/writing because I'm clearly not trying to impress a girl, or vaguely hint at wanting a girlfriend. What I'm saying is exactly what it is.
Because let's face it, that's all most people's "writings" are, are really generalized, cryptic ways of letting a girl know that they are lonely and that they want said girl to approach them and initiate a romantic relationship. I'm not saying that that isn't a real issue that people deal with, but it seems to be the ONLY issue that EVERYONE ever talks about. Myspace should somehow put a filter on every bulletin containing an open "hangout" invitation, and change it to something like "Not only do I not have the confidence to approach you in real life, and let you know that I am interested in you, but I can't even do it online without making it coded beyond recognition."

I'm sorry, but I just can't take anything anyone says seriously, because every single action, that every single person takes, is just them trying to get laid. I know that I'm not pathetic like that, so I guess that's at least ONE thing to not be depressed about. The internet can make so many people embarrass themselves so badly.

PPS.