Friday, October 8th, 2021

It's Friday, Tiffany is still asleep, and I've already had a decent amount of coffee. 

I've been going to therapy twice a week now for about a month, and I can definitely say that it is helping me a lot. Writing in this more is going to be part of my personal journey of overcoming my mental health issues. I also hope that it might help kick my brain back into creativity mode.

ENERGY hasn't released new music since 2017. This bothers me every single day of my life. The plain truth of it is that I'm just not inspired. I have plenty of great stuff written, I'm just not inspired to record any of it most of the time. I feel like my love for creating new recordings has been fading. However, I don't think that this is the end...

I know that during my most prolific periods of creativity, I was also exercising regularly, and in a much better place mentally. When we recorded Invasions in 2008, I was doing yoga outside of the studio all the time with one of the producers Mike. We meticulously studied The Beach Boys and their harmonies and knew that we could apply it to ENERGY's sound just like Bad Religion had in the past. 

We achieved that, and I have to believe that it was mostly our mindsets during that period of time. I do remember though that during the recording of Invasions, I was told that one melody I had written for a song wasn't really going to work, and that I was going to have to come up with something else. I became overcome with panic and passed out. Recording ceased for a while that day because of me. It happened again while recording "The Shadowlands" years later...and that was even less of a big deal as far as the "change" that had to be made goes.

I want to start creating for fun again, but a lot of this isn't fun to me. My therapist told me to try to pick up my guitar and just play music for fun every day. Throughout the past few years, there have been so many consecutive months where I didn't even think about playing it. My guitar can sometimes represent my failings to me, so picking it up is only a reminder that I haven't done anything with it in years.

I'm also having trouble getting back to people, and wanting to speak with people in general. People I know in real life that is. I've been invited to multiple gatherings this month, and I haven't replied to them. I'm just not going. I don't know how to tell people, but I just don't want to hang out with anyone in a group setting...pretty much ever again. How do you tell someone "no thanks, I'd rather be home staring at my floor listening to music" without hurting their feelings? 

I don't even know what my plan for today is. I know that's part of my problem. I have no direction or plans. I'm just in constant back pain, and I'm constantly exhausted. A usual day for me involves napping for a few hours just because I can't take the pain anymore. Exercise will help this, but I feel so weighed down all the time that going to the gym seems impossible. I just need to get out of this rut.

I suppose I'm done for now.

I just hope that there isn't a huge gap between this post and my next one.

*There will not be a huge gap between this post and my next one.

Monday, June 14th, 2021

 

PRE-ORDER HERE:

SAMHAINTRIBUTE.BANDCAMP.COM

 On August 21st, 2020, I was asked if ENERGY would like to be part of an upcoming SAMHAIN tribute album. I was not doing very well at the time, but I said yes because I have always sworn to myself that I will go above and beyond when it comes to honoring anything and everything Glenn Danzig. 

I probably would have chosen "Unholy Passion" (which oddly enough, no one chose) or something, but I knew that in order to get Mike (Rendini) excited about working on this with me, I would have to do "Archangel" because I know he loves that song. Simply being a part of this record was good enough for me.

REWIND TO 1997

I was 12 years old when Static Age / American Psycho were finally released, and that's where my obsession began. A friend in gym class who wore hardcore and punk band t-shirts told me to go out and pick up "Legacy Of Brutality" so I did. 

After being excited by the artwork, and intrigued by the layout in general, I put the disc in only to hear what I found to be the worst sounding musical recording I had ever heard in my life. 

I had never heard anything like it. It sounded like it was recorded by someone at the top of the stairs of the basement that they were playing in. Everything had so much reverb that it was disorienting, and the songs all had the same sound. I didn't understand it.

There was most certainly an X factor about this band that had really piqued my interest though, and I was wondering why they were regarded as being so great. I listened over and over trying to understand, and finally when "Halloween" came on for the 3rd (4th, 5th?) time, something came over me and I remember admitting to myself in that very moment that this was the greatest music I had ever heard.

BACK TO THE PRESENT

Fast forward to March where I was moving, my apartment flooded, and my life was in complete disarray, and the person who contacted me about the SAMHAIN tribute record was looking to start collecting the files from all the bands. I hadn't even begun work on the song whatsoever. 

On April 21st, 2021 I received drum and bass tracks from Mike. Once I had those, I just started making the song come to life. I had never tracked all by myself before, so it was definitely a different experience.

I've grown accustomed to everyone else using all the gear while I just walk in, direct things, do my parts, and leave. This was just me alone in a room. I'm not going to get into the technical aspects of the recording process (unless you want to ask me privately), but I am astonished at just how easy it is to record yourself these days.

Hearing this mastered recording of my voice and distorted guitars playing over loud drums has definitely reignited a passion in me to start recording and putting out music again.

This really is only being pressed one time, so order a copy within the next month if you want it on vinyl: samhaintribute.bandcamp.com

P.S.

It's already up on my Patreon for $5 patrons and up: https://www.patreon.com/posts/please-dont-52430615

It's raining outside. 

I woke up early to the sound of Chloe meowing extremely loud in my face because she was hungry. I got up, fed her, and have been up since.

I'm waiting on a package today. I got some pants from a really cool company I found a few months back. I'm just hoping they fit because this is my second attempt at guessing the size, and there are just no other option from here. 

I'm also hoping that the mailman comes to the door with my package and doesn't stuff it in the mailbox because I don't have a key to the mailbox of the address I've been residing at for over a month now.

This all has to do with the move lately. 

The other day, we were told by someone at the office of our complex that they weren't sure as to whether we were permanently staying at our current address, or if it were temporary. This was shocking news to us, seeing as we've been spending the last 5 weeks or so slowly bringing ALL of our belongings into what we thought was our new home. 

So after about 2 days of panic and anxiety, they finally confirmed that this is in fact our permanent address, and that we will not have to move again. An instant feeling of total relief came over me because this was the one thing that Tiffany and I had been obsessively worrying about since we were initially scared for no reason. 

The lack of communication in this place is pathetic. No one answers emails, phone calls, etc. I have had to go there, pound on the door, and yell through the mail slot at people who were intentionally not letting me in just to get what I needed on several occasions. I've been yelled at and locked out by someone who was simultaneously telling me they didn't work there (?!?!?!). The list just goes on and on and to be perfectly honest, I feel pretty relaxed right now and I don't feel like getting too far into it.

King is releasing a music video today for "I Am The Enemy", which might be my favorite song on their latest album. 

That's all for now. I'm tired.