Oct. 6th, 2007

It's not easy for me to fall asleep ever. Today,(I think it was today) I stayed up until 11 AM. I didn't want to it just happened. I woke up at like 2 and went to get the new shirts from Kris. after that me and Julia cashed the check from our old landlord and bought couches. I'll be picking them up Monday. Hopefully my dad let's me use his truck, I've called him the last 2 nights(cell and house phones) and there has been no answer. I have to play 2 shows tomorrow. I hate being away from home. It's definitely unhealthy, but I don't care. 
I'm having a hard time writing lately. That sucks. I'm having a hard time being motivated to do ANYTHING. Unless Josh forces it, I haven't been working out. I haven't been even getting dressed really. I just sit here and endure each day. It seems like it's time to go to sleep and then time to wake up like a million consecutive times. It feels like I lived 2 months worth of days in 2 days. 

Maybe when Monday comes, and I have the couches here, and all the stuff all over the floor is cleaned up, and it finally feels like we're fully moved in, I'll be able to get back into a "routine" if you will. I need a routine to stay sane. Everyone does.

I HAVE to get a job, but my bullshit sleeping pattern doesn't allow for me to call when places are open. I'm lucky to get any sleep as it is, so waking myself up early (after going to bed at like 8 or 9 am is Hell. This weekend I am going to fill out all the job applications I got. That's the worst part of looking for a job hands down, filling out applications. I hate it so much. It's just one big lie. I can't actually say anywhere I've worked before because they would prob give me a bad reference or whatever. To be honest, I am the model "Bad Employee" in every way imaginable.

Whatever, I need money, so I have to get a job.

I don't like anyone. I'm realizing that my personality does not allow me to fully "like" anyone unless they are 100 percent exactly like me in every way. It makes sense though. I can't imagine why everyone else doesn't think this way. You choose to be a certain way because that's the way you think people should be(don't lie to yourself, it's true) so why wouldn't you want everyone to think like you? I would hate me if I was anyone else probably. And even with that knowledge, I just don't care. 

I only fully enjoy being around 1 person. The person that lives inside my head. The person that only I understand. The person that only understands me. Anytime I try and believe that I can enjoy others company, I am quickly reminded why I am the way I am.
I am not upset or disappointed with the fact that I hate everyone. It's actually quite comforting knowing that I can always just shut everyone out(not that they were ever IN to begin with)and be alone,be truly one, with the only person that makes any sense at all.

I think about killing myself every day.

I think it's hilarious when anyone concerns them self with anything that's going on inside anyone else's head.

I don't think anyone is truly my friend(WHATEVER THE FUCK THAT'S SUPPOSED TO MEAN ANYWAY)

People just suck other people dry of all the positive aspects that they can, and make themselves feel ok about themselves by using someones personality for a while, and then they move on.

What a sad place this world is.

Sep. 28th, 2007

It's 4:22 am, I'm really bored and I realized I haven't written in this in a while. 

We learned 2 new Misfits songs at practice today, and it made me realize once again, that The Misfits seriously are THE greatest band of all time.

I can't say it enough, if it weren't for Danzig and The Misfits there is no doubt that I wouldn't be doing what I am today.

I got to see Danzig and Doyle in 2005 (see late February 2005 entries) and it was the single best thing I've EVER seen.... I saw it again a few months later and it was almost as good, but only ALMOST because nothing can ever compare to the first time. No live show will ever be as good as what I saw. I can ALWAYS look back on that day (and even the second time) and it makes me smile every time. 

I THOUGHT I'd never get another chance to see it again. But I was wrong. 

October 25th at The Palladium

I get to see Danzig sing at least 8 Misfits songs(I'm guessing, because that's what it was last time)

NOTHING will stop me from going to this. I WILL come up with the money somehow for this.

If any of you want to see me be completely 100 percent the happiest they will ever see me, then come to this, because, you will not regret it one bit. Best show you will ever see.

If you aren't at it, I just don't understand you. It's Danzig singing Misfits songs with Doyle on guitar.....what's the issue? what are you doing that has priority over that?

Anyway I also found this picture of Danzig with Brian Posehn from Mr. Show apparently they're friends:



and while I have my photobucket open I'll just show the few people who read this a new Energy shirt that's on it's way:

Aug. 30th, 2007 at 1:16 AM

Well, were on our way home from the tour. We won't be home til like 6 am probably later. Its hot, I'm hungry, its only like 9 and we still have like 9 more hours ahead of us, we've been driving for like 6 hours already.

Ughhhh