I finally finished recording vocals today. I'm so glad that's over with, but at the same time I can't wait to write new songs already and look forward to a new record. This is how I felt when we recorded our EP too. This will probably be a reoccurring thing that will go along with the completion of every record we do.
I've been thinking about this a lot lately: I don't think I'll ever be happy with the stage I'm at with songwriting. I will like songs we write, I will probably always tell myself that I will eventually do better. I feel as if writing music is something that is never fully mastered. It's all about personal improvement and learning. I still feel like I'm learning how to write songs. If you get to the point where you think everything you do is great, then that's when you start to pump out soulless garbage. I will always be critical of everything I do.
Also, art is not a contest. I see so many bands and even fans of music really going out of their way to let everyone else know that they are well read/intellectual/deep/artistic/interesting people. Art is about personal expression...PERIOD. If you can find a beautiful way to truly express yourself, then you have created art. It's not about showing other people the art, it is nice when other people appreciate the art, or can relate to it, but when it all comes down to it, if you are doing it for anyone else but yourself, then you are dead inside.
The Smashing Pumpkins embody everything I would like my band to become. They have so many different style songs that no new material would really make anyone go "Wait, THIS is the smashing pumpkins???? this isn't right" They have songs where it's just Billy on guitar and vocals, songs like Disarm, aggressive songs like JellyBelly, Bullet with Butterfly wings, songs like Ava Adore using solely synthetic beats, Songs like tonight tonight, songs like The Everlasting Gaze that are down tuned, brutal songs.
That's just my ultimate goal is to always be pushing the band in different directions and always be reinventing our sound so that anyone that knows us will never say "HUH????" to anything we do, yet at the same time having it still sound like "Us". So that the natural progression actually becomes a part of "our sound".
I'm rambling, well it's not like anyone's really reading this anyways because Blogs are where it's at nowadays as far as, typing your thoughts down so that people can publicly read them in a journal-like fashion goes....
It's like 5:30 am, I have a show tonight, I should sleep.
im very happy with how our cd sounds so far. the drums sound huge, awesome snare sound. we recorded the drums analog and pasted them into pro tools to give it a polished sound but at the same time, making the drums sound REAL. justin's playing on this record is incredible.
conor should be finishing up bass as im typing this, bass sounds really good, reminds me of the black sails bass sound. we spent longer than we usually do on bass, making sure the playing was absolutely flawless.
after conor finishes, joe will be spending the rest of the day figuring out all of the guitar tones/sounds he will be using throughout the album.
sat.tomorrow, we have a show in CT(i think?) . should be fun to play live again, always is.
sunday is an off day.
monday we head back to chris currans and joe will start recording guitars and we will be doing that all week id assume. julia will be coming down tuesday cus she has the day off =)
i think the following week i will be tracking vocals, though there's been talk of me doing some vocals at night during the days joe is recording guitars. either way, im excited.
the vocals should come out perfect seeing as mike rendini is producing. im just worried about writing. although, i did get quite a bit of writing done, in the studio while conor was doing bass. i just have one full song of lyrics to do, and 2 lines in another song. so i guess im not THAT behind. it will all work out awesome so im not worried.
i can't wait for this cd to be in stores. i will be so proud.
ep comes first, i think its going to be called the "Race The Sun" EP. it's so exciting to have 2 releases ahead of me from one recording session. it will have an "exclusive to the ep" cover of the ramones cover of the beach boys cover of Bobby Freeman's "do you wanna dance" its a good song =)
it will just be good to know im actually proud of the recording that im promoting.
Why am I the only person on earth that has a brain. People actually wonder why I don't like leaving my apartment. There's a reason I don't hang out with you. Think about that. THERE IS A REASON I DO NOT HANG OUT WITH YOU, yes YOU the reader. haha and watch, no one will comment either cus I made it too awkward. And now that I think of it just so you don't piss me off by being a wise ass and commenting just to spite me, I'm disabling comments for this one post.
But yeah. I don't hang out with you for one reason or another. Some people just because I don't know you maybe? but mostly because I know, that at some point down the line, I will disagree with something about you or do/say/believe/ in so much, that it will piss me off to no end.
During these last 3 days I've never wanted to just stop existing more in my life. Well, not in my life, but as far as the last few years go, it's been the worst. I am the only person I know that makes intelligent decisions. I am never happy. EVER. Why is it that when I break things down for people, they can't seem to bring up any good points to prove me wrong, BUT STILL manage to think they are right, and go about whatever it is they were doing that we were arguing about. Oh that's right because they are idiots. I hate every fucking person I see. I am so full of rage today. I was screaming at the top of my lungs punching shit in my apartment. I had no control over it. As if last night wasn't difficult enough for me to get through. Not talking about the show. Show was good. I'm just going to leave it at that.
There are so many things pissing me off in life right now I feel like my head is going to explode. Why can't people just see a problem, asses it, and solve it. This of course roots back to the obvious "why does this problem exist in the first place? oh that's right YOU'RE A DUMBASS YOU FUCKING IDIOT" No matter what, if you think this is about it, it either could be or couldn't be it's just such a generalization because of how many DIFFERENT things are pissing me off.
I am going to have a nervous breakdown, I am pretty sure I had one last night. and then again today. *EDIT* I just looked it up, yes I did, 2 nervous breakdowns in 24 hours. Actually 3. I am just losing it at the drop of a fucking hat I can't control myself anymore. Whether it be in a fit of furious rage and anger, or just me freaking out in other ways that I won't go into. I don't give a shit what you think of me when you read this. You're the same way. You hide shit all on the inside and wouldn't DARE let anyone else see you in your moments of weakness, or even god forbid.....SEE YOU SHOW REAL HUMAN EMOTION!!!!!!!
FUCK YOU - god dammit I am so mad right now. Don't fucking ask me what this is all about either, I'm just writing this to get it off my mind a little so I don't grind my teeth down the the nerves in my sleep. Everything pisses me off. Every thing about ever person I see.
I went to Al's tonight and got my mind off of things for at least a little bit, but of course even got a little stressed there too. I just can't stop. I wish I could go to sleep forever. I guess I could if I wanted to. Wouldn't it be nice if when you died, it's just like dreaming forever. I'm sure there would still be nightmares actually. Yeah now that I think of it that would suck because all I have is nightmares.
All I do is as Julia puts it "wax philosophical" all day long. I wouldn't do this if everything just made sense. But every single thing that everyone does, doesn't. I know I sound redundant to you, but you ARE a moron to me.
I fear death so much but maybe it wouldn't be so bad. All this stupid bullshit would just cease. OH MAN THAT SOUNDS AWFUL! wouldn't want to have to go a whole day without being aggravated at something someone else did that's dumb, that you would have done a million times better.
I FEEL YOUR FEAR BURNING INTO MY NECK, AS I RUN THIS GAUNTLET OF EYES, THIS GAUNTLET OF LIES.
