Friday, January 15th, 2021

Photo by Tiffany Moon

Here we go again...another new year begins.

I've been living out of a hotel since October 1st because I was displaced from my apartment due to a black mold issue. The owner of the apartments came in and said she wouldn't legally allow us to sleep there for even one more night because it was so bad.

Moving last minute like that took so much out of Tiffany and I. With the help of our mothers, we were able to get everything loaded into a storage unit until we can move into our new apartment. It's been over 3 months now, and we've been living out of a one room hotel with no kitchen or stove. The refrigerator is tiny, and we have no freezer. This is truly a rough patch. I'm trying to stay optimistic though. I truly am.

My current goal for this blog is to just serve as a private / public journal as it always has in the past. I thoroughly enjoy social media, but as we all know - the joy is fleeting to say the least. I have documented a lot of my adult life on this very blog even though many, many consecutive months went by without me writing in it at all. I don't want to be afraid of writing anymore. I'm so hard on myself about not writing, that it just becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. The same goes for all of my creative output honestly. I really need to get with it and snap to because these past 3 years have been a seriously depressing artistic drought for me. Most of my life is spent just stressing out about daily life to the point where I've stopped dreaming.

I need to dream big again. I want to want to impress people with my musical and writing abilities again. I feel like I'm getting there. I feel like I'm almost there. There's a bit of acceptance that I might need to practice here in the fact that I am a one man band essentially. There are a lot of things about music that I am completely confused and baffled by. Things that I have a difficult time wrapping my head around. 

I never set out to be a one man band. As a kid I thought I would be in a BAND. I never paid much attention to the musical side of things and kept it simple because after a while I realized that I wanted to be a singer. I learned guitar first, and can play well...I just never thought I'd need to learn about arrangement and all kinds of other things that I just completely guess at when trying. Some people say there's a certain charm to art that was created through naive eyes. I understand that, but I am past that now. I would like to step it up a notch, and I know that it is only through personal artistic exploration that I will progress. I need to figure it out on my own.

I think I'm going to step away from this and just hit publish now.

Thank you for caring.