I can see from the internet that the world isn’t on lockdown exactly anymore and that people are going out and about doing things for fun in safe ways.
This doesn’t change anything for me though. I still feel isolated and stuck because I am. I’ve been living in a state where I know no one since 2017. My life has been on lockdown since my car was taken away from me in 2018. We've also been living out of a hotel for over 5 months now. No kitchen, no stove, no refrigerator...no car.
Walking everywhere. Taking the bus and carrying our laundry, groceries - you name it. There's no time nor energy for fun here. I have scoliosis, degenerative disc disease, "probably arthritis" (literal quote from two separate doctors). Between all that, my BPD, C-PTSD, and depression...I'm having a hard time.
I will be mobile again though, and we are finally moving soon. These have been the only things holding me back. The potential from here on out is endless.
I can only recall a few times where I've actually been this excited for the future. A similar situation where I was homeless in Stoughton back in November of 2009 after touring all year long comes to mind. I would walk around the streets of my hometown envisioning what my new place would be like, and all the things I would accomplish in my new apartment. I ended up writing all the material that would eventually become "Apparition Sound" in that apartment.
Sometimes when you really are down and out, there is nowhere else to go but up.
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