Saturday, October 28th, 2023

I honestly didn't even realize that I had made somewhat of a similar point regarding my drive to continue with the band in my previous post.

I still felt it was necessary as I expanded on the idea, and basically came to a conclusion. 

I'm also very happy with the other topics I covered.

For this post, I would like to begin talking about my battle with mental health issues over the past few years. 

In 2020 I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder after going through a month long partial inpatient program where I learned a lot of dialectical behavioral therapy skills.

I decided to check myself in again around mid-November of this year. This time it was for 5 weeks, and I was diagnosed with not only BPD, but Bipolar disorder as well. A lot of people see "BPD" and think "Bipolar Disorder", but they are in fact two entirely separate diagnoses. Just wanted to clear that up for anyone reading this.

I'm on mood stabilizers now, and I haven't smoked weed since September 2nd, 2023. Coming up on 2 months. A completely unintentional "sober October" if you will.

I realized that smoking all day every day was causing me to act very erratically, and making me extremely reactive to pretty much everything. It also made me stop caring about almost everything in my life. It was, without a doubt, a band-aid for everything I had gone through since 2014. I miss it, but it's pretty well known that it can cause serious instability in people with bipolar disorder. So I had to stop. I'm fairly certain that all of these things combined have a lot to do with why I'm feeling the urge to write about my experiences in life now. I'm a lot more focused, and I know what I want out of life.

I must add that my partner has been the single most supportive person I've ever had in my life. She doesn't put up with my bullshit, but at the same time has the patience of a saint. She isn't a miserable piece of shit like my ex, who only exacerbated my mental illnesses. Not that it's an excuse for not getting help. I just never had the tools or support until now. 

We've both helped each other become better people through our own trials and tribulations. It hasn't been easy by any stretch of the word, but I truly believe that we've both made it to the other side. I just can't express how happy I am to have found her.

I don't want every post on here to have me exposing past traumas, but it will without a doubt happen again. I'm so tempted to go off on a few more tangents about my exes...but I'll leave it at that for now.

Until then, I'm just going to enjoy some music and continue on with my day.