ENERGY - The Infection (Fan Cover)

 

This was shared with me the other day, and I wanted to share it here. 

Hearing my own songs sung back to me like this is always such a trip. 

Beautiful job, thank you.

It’s been over a month since I posted (on Instagram and the last thing I posted was about having a bad mental health day...sorry about that

I don’t even remember what I was dealing with inside my head that particular day

I’ve been doing better lately regarding my mental health though. I feel that I’ve been getting better at dealing with my anger issues.

I’ve also been using the term “ de-escalate” as a reminder to myself that it’s up to me to bring my own emotions back down. Whether something was my fault or not.

Ok, so after over 5 long months,

Tiffany Moon

and I are no longer living out of a hotel.

Of course there are already serious issues with our new place. Major leaks throughout the entire building, electrical issues, etc. it’s really a LOT more in depth and exhausting than that, but I’m saving myself the stress of having to even think about the rest right now.

On a more positive note, I do have very good reason to be hopeful for the future in so many other ways.

I’m thankful for everything and everyone in my life right now. I haven’t felt this type of positive energy shift in so many years.

Life can be so depressing and feel pointless a lot of the time, but I try to look forward to new life chapters no matter what and have hope that things will get better even when it seems impossible. That’s the only thing that has ever got me through.

I try to have faith that things will eventually improve and I just keep going. No matter what the struggle is, you have to keep going.

#staveofftheinfection

I can see from the internet that the world isn’t on lockdown exactly anymore and that people are going out and about doing things for fun in safe ways. 

This doesn’t change anything for me though. I still feel isolated and stuck because I am. I’ve been living in a state where I know no one since 2017. My life has been on lockdown since my car was taken away from me in 2018. We've also been living out of a hotel for over 5 months now. No kitchen, no stove, no refrigerator...no car. 

Walking everywhere. Taking the bus and carrying our laundry, groceries - you name it. There's no time nor energy for fun here. I have scoliosis, degenerative disc disease, "probably arthritis" (literal quote from two separate doctors). Between all that, my BPD, C-PTSD, and depression...I'm having a hard time.

I will be mobile again though, and we are finally moving soon. These have been the only things holding me back. The potential from here on out is endless. 

I can only recall a few times where I've actually been this excited for the future. A similar situation where I was homeless in Stoughton back in November of 2009 after touring all year long comes to mind. I would walk around the streets of my hometown envisioning what my new place would be like, and all the things I would accomplish in my new apartment. I ended up writing all the material that would eventually become "Apparition Sound" in that apartment. 

Sometimes when you really are down and out, there is nowhere else to go but up.