December 14th 2008 - Rotterdam, Netherlands @ De Baroeg

Sorry about yesterday's sporadic updates, I spent the whole day inside the venue and updated randomly when I was bored. We stayed at a motel last night, 9 bedrooms for 17 people. I got a fairly decent shower in last night as well but the mattress was incredibly hard and the pillow was as big as an average throw pillow, so it wasn't the most comfortable night of sleep, but I'll take it. We just got in the van to head to Rotterdam which, according to everyone, should take around 2 hours or so. Luckily there's a DVD player in the van so....as I started to type that we realized the DVD player wasn't working so it looks like we won't be watching a movie on this ride, oh well. Let's just hope everyone doesn't put on the worst music imaginable, as I fear they will.

I haven't eaten a meal in the past 4 days so I hope I can make it through tonight's performance without any problems.

When we dropped off Slapshot at the airport, Choke left me with some advice, which I took very seriously: he said that from watching me perform every night, that I need to engage the

crowd more, and that when they turn on you, kill them with kindness, instead of getting all pissy and playing poorly. That was very good advice. I hope we can do a U.S. tour with them someday.
Looking back, I'm glad that I went on this tour, because it was not only a good life experience visiting other countries, but it gives me a far greater appreciation for tours in the United States. If I hadn't gone to Europe this past winter, I would probably be dreading Energy's 2 upcoming tours a LOT more than I am. So, for that, I am thankful, but I still don't want to go back to Europe any time soon.

Things always seem more glamorous in hindsight.

December 13th - Oberhausen, Germany @ Turbinenhalle

Its 6:39pm and H2O is playing right now. Earlier, I spoke with Toby and the guys from H2O and they seemed surprised at how constantly we've been touring when I told them that we basically haven't stopped since our tour with them. Toby told me about their upcoming tour with The Dropkick Murphys, that will be really huge for them. I am watching everyone's belongings because we have them all over the floor of the backstage area ready to be brought out to the vans that are on their way here. A couple of people from All For Nothing and Ronaldo went to pick up the vans or something, im not quite sure what's exactly going on, all I know is that Slapshot fired, or is firing the bus company today and the one guy who is the owner of the bus company is at the show tonight and is "looking for Slapshot" we were told to play stupid and tell everyone that we don't even talk to Slapshot and that we don't know what's going on. Slapshot are pretty funny guys. I have been a big fan of their music for years and I like them a lot as people so I'm really glad that I got the opportunity to tour with them, even if it didn't go so well for us.

Today I woke up wet, from the leak in my bunk, and immediately started gathering my things for the big switch from bus to van. I didn't get much sleep at all last night. We are staying in

hotel rooms tonight, 2 people to a room, courtesy of Slapshot, so that will hopefully be relaxing and allow me to get a good night of sleep and a good shower. Tomorrow we drive in the van to Rotterdam, Holland where we play the last show of this tour.

Today is the Persistence Tour and we were the first band that played. We went on at 4:30pm. All For Nothing played after us, then War Of Ages, H2O, Discipline, Born From Pain, Terror, Slapshot, Heaven Shall Burn, Sick Of It All.

This place has a 3 thousand person capacity and it looks pretty packed. I thought we played well but I have no clue if people liked it or not. For the first half of the set I was really loud in my monitor, but for some reason I couldn't hear myself too well towards the second half.
We've been sitting in the backstage area for hours now because there is nowhere else to go. I feel very tired, hopefully I can just fall right asleep tonight.

I really can't wait to go home, I can't stress that enough. I can't ever remember looking forward to something as much as I am to going home.

Sick of it All played and destroyed every single band that played before them. Their guitarist is one of the most intense performers I have ever seen.

December 12th - Chemnitz, Germany @ AJZ

Hello,

Today I woke up having to use the bathroom, so I went downstairs and did, I then went back to my bunk to realize it is soaking wet in one spot...did I wet the bed? No, I look up, and water

is leaking in from the ceiling onto my bed from all the snow because there is an emergency exit hatch right above my bunk. My bunk of course being the only bunk with a giant opening above it, only welcomes all this water into my bed. So I have been up since 11:30 am here, its now 1:45 I believe. So I've just been up reading A Dull Roar by Henry Rollins ever since then. That's probably not the worst thing though, maybe waking up, getting a good read in, and starting in early on a new day will be good for me.

Oh yeah by the way, its been a while since I've updated. I am still in Europe, I think the reason that I haven't updated much was because of how miserable and depressed I have been. I didn't want to make it seem like all I was doing was complaining, so I didn't update because all that has been going through my mind these past 2 weeks has been misery and loneliness. I will try and recall each night and give a run through of it all. I will have to ask someone slight details about each night to refresh my memory, because all the nights have blurred together in my mind.

Keith is going to be the new drummer for Energy, I feel terrible about having to come home and tell Justin that he has to leave the band, but it only makes sense. He is a great kid, he's just not on the same page as Joe, Dan and I are. I think he knows that. I think everyone knows that. It is completely unfair to him and there was no specific instance to spark this either which is what makes it that much harder. As a matter of fact, he has repeatedly made attempts to become better friends with us, but unfortunately the chemistry is not there, and for us, that is an extremely large part of coexisting in a band. I basically judge it by the walks we go on. If someone fits, they will come on the long extensive walks that the 3 of us(Joe Dan and I) will go on. Once we start feeling that we'd prefer someone sit out the walks on a regular basis, then we know something, somewhere has to change, because if we're in this together, we need to be truly in this together as one unit, as a family. None of us know how we're going to go about telling him, but it has to be done.
Now, another problem on our hands is Conor. 

Conor has been a hard person to get along with for a while now. Years actually. Im not going to sit here and bad mouth him, but everyone else in the band feels the way I do so its not just me. Plus, Joe brought up a good point in the grocery store earlier today. He said something along the lines of "you've been with Julia how long?" I said "almost 7 years now" he said "its clearly not a matter of you having a problem keeping people involved in your life." What he said makes sense because in no way do I intend to remove Joe, Dan, and soon Keith from the band, and I would never want to remove Julia from my life, in fact I want to include Julia in my band life, and include my band in my personal life by being as close of friends with them as I can be. Conor makes no effort to be any of our friends. As a matter of fact, me and him used to be somewhat of good friends before the band, then the band started, and as anyone that was around during that point in time will tell you, something changed. Conor stopped hanging out on a regular basis, and we only saw him when it was time for band stuff. I don't know what happened. We don't know what happened. No one knows what happened. But what we do all know is, that this issue has to be addressed immediately. We have not brought up kicking Justin out to Conor yet, because of many reasons. One of them being that they seem to be best friends. Another reason is that Conor has made himself so unapproachable, that we have to figure out a game plan as to how to go about talking to him about this. We have mixed predictions. We think it could go 2 different ways.

Conor could say "that's stupid if he's out then I'm out". In which case we would have to say "so be it" he could say "yeah he clearly doesn't fit in with us as a whole" and it could be easy as that. As you can see this is a very tricky situation. I'd imagine this is sort of what it's like breaking it off with a girl(something I've never done). Spending a whole lot of time worrying about what they'll say in response, how they'll take it, etc etc. Keith knows all of this is happening but we assured him that since it is not his problem, it will remain that way. 

We all have a feeling Conor's days are numbered in this band. It sucks, but again we need to be a family, and if he's not willing to at least make an attempt, then how can we get rid of Flaherty for the reasons we are, without addressing the issues with Conor also. It would be unfair and wouldn't make a whole lot of sense. Now, I know that I will catch most of the shit for this, everyone will be pointing the finger at me as usual saying "I knew he wouldn't be happy until he was the only original member left" or "what an asshole, who does he think he is" or any of those outsider comments from uninformed people who are speaking on matters that do not pertain to them directly. But that's fine, because I know that every single decision made towards keeping or not keeping a member of this band has been a group decision. I am just going to have to learn to accept the fact that people will automatically point the finger at me, there must just be something about my face that makes people think I am a bad person. In all honesty, I hope that Conor and Flaherty leaving the band only makes me closer to them, and I hope it becomes apparent that we are now better friends because of them leaving. And that it in fact saved any hope of there being a friendship between us. I have a feeling though that this will not be the case. I have a feeling that not only them, but other mutual friends will hold a grudge against me. Whatever. In order for me and the rest of the band to be truly happy, and really for Conor and Justin to ultimately be happy, this has to be done. Conor is a great bass player and will have no problem finding a band to play in with people that he can be friends with in it. Justin is an amazing drummer, and shouldn't have any problems finding another band to start. He has the ability to write poppy punk songs in their entirety, (guitar bass and drums) and he seems to enjoy bands like that far more than bands like the one he's playing in, so it will all work out for the better, I'm sure of that, its just going to be a really bumpy road on the way there.

I'm sitting backstage right now, the venue looks pretty good, big stage, what I think is OK sound, I don't trust my own ears though, only Joe's and Mike's and Mike isn't here. I'm starving, I didn't eat last night because it was just rice and sauce and it looked like vomit. I didn't eat the night before that either, for whatever reason I can't remember. I've just been drinking soy milk I've had saved and eating pudding and fruit. It's been rough not eating so much over here, but I have a feeling that this whole trip will earn me not only a greater appreciation for the things I have at home, but it will give me an even greater appreciation for touring in the United States. It's Friday, and Monday I will be home in Stoughton, MA.

The show tonight was good, I felt that good feeling I get after a good set rush through me after we played, so I know it was good. Mike from Slapshot took some pictures of our set, he's going to email them to me. Maybe I can post them with this update. I don't see why not. Me and Joe went for a decent walk today, but nothing was open. On this walk I discovered that Joe had never heard "Liar" by The Rollins Band. That caught me by surprise because that's usually the first and/or only song people know, and he owns Life Time and The End Of Silence, and has heard other songs. It just struck me as odd and I felt it would be worth mentioning. 

Also today is our last day in the bus because we're firing the bus company and driving in a van for the last day, and to the airport. Apparently the bus company has been really hard to get in contact with and there have been many complaints made by our tour manager Ronaldo, with little to no response, so I guess Slapshot is just saying "fuck it" and not paying them at all and using vans for the last 2 days. Good for them, if it all works out according to plan that is. Tonight was my third consecutive night with no dinner. I had a banana, some pretzels, an orange, and some soy milk throughout the day but that's it. I could really just go for a good hot meal. I guess I could be eating if I truly had to because the food is there, but I really hate a lot of food, and ever since I was young, I've always been afraid to try new foods, and for someone like this to be stuck in Europe with only one promised meal a day...this sucks. I wish I wasn't like this with food. It's not that I don't eat healthy, because I do, when I'm home, it's just that I don't like eating too wide of a variety of food. I really would like to change this though. I tried couscous and it wasn't that bad, and in California I tried some tofu/bean dish at California Vegan on Sunset Boulevard. I'd like to think that I'm at least trying, but for some reason I really haven't wanted to these last few days. What I really want is to just go home, eat some Town Spa Pizza, and be with Julia. My mom told me that when I get home, it will be one day allowing for jet lag, which is Tuesday, and the next day will be me and Julia's day where we're renting a motel (maybe a hotel, if Julia wants to pitch in some?) and then Thursday will be dedicated to setting up the Christmas tree at my mom's house with Julia. I can't wait. Its going to be so nice putting up the tree and watching Christmas movies with the fireplace going, and of course, as our annual tradition goes...have Town Spa Pizza. Just thinking about it actually just made my stomach growl.

My mom's boyfriend, Jim, got laid off from his job which means my mom is worried about money. I know that since she's a responsible adult, they will be fine. I just can't help but selfishly wonder if she's still getting me a MacBook. I guess its better this way, it adds to the surprise element of the gift. I'd prefer it this way honestly. It kind of makes me feel like I'm a kid again. Henry Rollins mentioned in the book I'm reading something along the lines of "all I need is an empty room with a notebook, a computer, and speakers to play music through." I was thinking about how a MacBook is all 3 of those in one plus some. It has a recording studio in it with a drum machine as well. Assuming that I am getting one, I can't wait. We play the Persistence Tour tomorrow. I think we're playing early in the day, maybe around 3 pm. Which means I will probably not get any sleep but that's OK, as long as I can push through the set, I will be happy because I know that there is only 1 more show to go. It will also be cool to see H2o again seeing as they are playing relatively early in the lineup as well. After the show, I'm pretty sure the plan is that we are driving to a hotel and staying there, then waking up, driving to the last show which is a matinee show I believe (it would make sense seeing as it's a Sunday) and then we're driving to the airport to fly to Philadelphia and then to Boston. Our flight leaves Frankfurt at 12:45pm and we arrive in Philadelphia at 3:50pm. There is a 2 hour and 25 minute layover, and then we leave Philadelphia at 6:15pm to arrive in Boston at 7:49pm, where Julia will be waiting for me with Eric and Josh. It will be so great to see them after such an extensive absence. We are all going to Town Spa straight from the airport too. There is just so much to look forward to that I have a feeling the next 2 days will drag by so slowly because, in my head, I want them to already be over so badly. I have decided not to switch bunks mainly because I don't want to talk to anyone anymore than I already have to, and I'd obviously have to bring it up to someone to initiate the switch, so I'm just going to sleep in wet bunk, whatever. I should probably actually go to sleep now, seeing as it's 3am and I am probably going to have to

be onstage, warmed up, and ready to go in 12 hours. 

Goodnight.

December 11th - Hof Zedwitz, Germany @ Fernverkehr

SPAD played a song called "EMO" with an "E" "M" "O" chant with them fake crying during the "O" and a song called "BITCH" they covered 7 Seconds' "Young Until I Die". We laughed hysterically about them and mediocre bands, and wondered why major labels don't sign the hilariously mediocre bands as a joke, and behind the band's back Market them as a comedy act. Or better yet, trick the masses into thinking it's good music. But then we realized, that's kind of how it already is. The stage was wet, it snowed, first snow of the tour, maybe the year for us, can't remember. The club was smokey, the meal was shitty, rice with tomato sauce, only sparkling water to drink, including during our set. Great cookies that tasted like Christmas. We had to walk to the shittiest shower in the middle of nowhere, soaked in sweat in the freezing cold, only to find out that there was no hot water. The crowd stood at least 50 feet back when we played. There was a slight delay on my vocals, I kind of liked it. Joe rated our performance this night a B. Joe was jamming around playing Tonight Tonight during our sound check, so the sound guy put on "Siamese Dream" and we stopped jamming, sat down, and enjoyed it under the heater blowing hot air from the corner of the room. I didn't eat dinner this night.

December 10th - Bremen, Germany @ Schlachtof

There was an outdoor skate park right outside tonight's venue, Joe finished Lord Of The Rings: The 2 Towers, and started on Return Of The King. I was late for our set and had to rush inside and play right away, the set went good, one kind dove into other kids out of excitement during 400. I saw TSOL and Adolescents shirts in the crowd so I knew they might not totally hate us. I had a talk with Joe about not quitting and never giving up on this, then on the skate park bowl we came up with the idea of starting our own "Fiend Club" if you will. We brainstormed ideas, my brother hilariously suggested calling it the "Punch The Clock Club". Me and Joe got a good laugh from that.

December 9th - Frankfurt, Germany @ Batschkap

Woke up early to switch buses, went back to sleep.
The show was in the downstairs of a coffee house, sound was awesome, Joe rates an A plus performance, they played "The Misfits" Project 1950 twice over the PA before we played and that got us talking about The Misfits quite a bit. There were a group of kids that knew a lot of the words, but didn't sing along until the very end when we played Streetlights, it was the best part of the tour. One kid got onstage and was very excited and then somersaulted offstage. He talked to me afterward and said that "we may not be typical hardcore, but we offer a lot of emotion and he likes that". This was one of 2 nights that me and Keith stayed up talking all night. There was a huge mall, 3 H and Ms, one of which I got skeleton gloves and a nice shirt. There was a porn store in the mall, Joe got horny and upset and had to leave. Joe had to use the bathroom while we were driving so bad and there was nowhere to go when we stopped so he was upset all night, and the bus driver started talking about heaven and hell and how he has the dark side with him along with other ramblings and psycho babble. This was where we landed, and it's also where we fly home from.

December 8th - Kassel, Germany @ ARM

Very festive place, Joe smelled the best smell he's ever smelled, and the scent of black licorice in the air. There was an indoor mall that had a coffee place with free internet internet access. We read briefly about singer of Last Lights' death. During tonight's show the sound guy only mic'd the bass drum. Joe feels we sounded the best that night, I felt my performance was below satisfactory due to a lack of space to move around onstage. The sound guy liked our cover of Operation Ivy's "Knowledge* one guy was up front towards the end, said he liked our sound, and that we reminded him of The Offspring. Backstage was a separate building in the back with a digital combination to get in. Good cookies with chocolate swirls. Choke told us about when he saw The Smashing Pumpkins and Nirvana, when Nirvana had just recorded Nevermind, and they weren't famous yet, and how he was hanging out with Dave Grohl that night and that they were friends from Dave's days in the D.C. band "Scream". Choke said that The Smashing Pumpkins were better than Nirvana that night.

December 5th - Berlin, Germany @ SO36

When Joe woke me up he said "hey we're going to the Berlin Wall wanna go?" and seeing as I'm in Berlin, I say "Yes" so we walked there, I didn't say much because of how tired I was. We got there, it was a wall, we stayed for a minute then left. Its an important piece of history and all, but what's left is just the remains of a wall, it wasn't as exciting as we'd anticipated. It always seems like things are more exciting until you do them, or see them. Nothing really "wows" me anymore. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to be taken back by a historical landmark, and maybe it will happen sometime soon, but in this particular case, it didn't get me too excited. We went to a grocery store where I discovered "Alpro Chocolate Pudding" I was very excited, I had to ask someone who spoke very broken English to read me the ingredients and they said "are you asking if this is vegan" I said yes, they said yes. I always assume no one will know what "Vegan" means. Joe and Dan said that some punkers almost mugged them, but they got out of it somehow, I didn't catch the whole story. I got to use an internet cafe and call home. We went to a vegan restaurant (the first and only of the tour) and I got a tofu burger with a large fry, 2 shakes, and a chocolate muffin. It was awesome.

I was very excited to play this place because it is where Slapshot recorded their only live album "Live at the SO36" and I actually got to play with them there. Choke even announced the song "Firewalker" the same way he did on the live cd. It made my night. I had also known that Henry Rollins had played there with Black Flag as it was mentioned in "Get in the Van". I then found out that the new Misfits, Bad Religion, Lars Frederiksen And The Bastards, NOFX, and a LOT more had played that stage before us. When that happens I always feel like I have something to live up to, so I keep that in mind while playing. I thought we played good. I don't think Joe felt the same way. Apparently there were some kids mocking us, in I guess what you could call the "front" seeing as it was no different than any other show on this tour in the sense that the crowd was standing very far from the stage. There were like 450 people at this show. We sold 2 records. I don't think we sold anything else.

After we played Dan kind of said something to me about not talking well in between songs, which I know I'm not good at, but I feel like my intensity and emotion while playing the actual music should more than compensate for that. It bummed me right the fuck out. Him and Joe insisted they weren't trying to "call me out" but it sure felt that way. I told them they have mics and could easily talk to the crowd themselves if it's that much of a problem. What bummed me out was the fact that a lot of people come to ME and says that the thing that's "wrong" with our live show is that Dan, Joe and Conor don't move around at all, or have good stage presence. And that I do fine. They never tell me that my lack of talking in between songs is an issue. It just really bummed me out, and that's the last thing I needed, to somehow get even more depressed. What I do or don't have to say in between songs shouldn't matter, it should be about how we present the music. I have no problem with them not physically throwing themselves into it the way I try to, that's their thing. I encourage them to, but I understand that when the time comes (if it does) then it will happen, and that nothing can be forced. They did however say that to me, that if the time comes when I can talk well between songs then that's that, but until then you can't force it. So at least were on the same page as far as that goes, but again, it just bummed me out.

December 7th - Enschede, Netherlands @ ATAK

Outside of a train station, brand new building, good shower, All For Nothing and Energy shared a dressing room. Really good sound in this place, the stage area was a little too small but good enough. They faced the amps inward instead of facing the crowd. They had Vegan ice

cream for us tonight, it was awesome. Went for a long walk with Keith, Joe, and Dan. There were miniature ponds with stones in them that Joe and Dan jumped around on. Listened to Pork And Beans by Weezer on my phone, then my hands were too cold.

December 6th - Steenwijk, Netherlands @ De Buze

We played our set after an extremely long and confusing sound check, during which Conor unneccesarilly/maliciously mocked the sound guy for making an innocent joke about the mic not working, I wasn't sure if it was Conor or someone else in the room so I didn't say anything to Conor, but later found out from dan and joe that yes he in fact was that rude and mean. After our set these 2 people were begging us to play Astro Zombies, I noticed Conor was getting offstage and that Dan was picking up his bass, I then asked Conor "you don't want to do Astro Zombies?" he responds with "absolutely not, were the opening band you don't do an encore" I said he was being a baby and that one member can't just sit out a performance because of whatever reason, if the band plays one more song, then everyone in the band plays one more song, he didn't say anything he just walked away, avoiding it. So we gave the crowd what they wanted, 1 more misfits song, and they loved it. We still had 7 minutes left in our set after that too so judging by definition, that wasn't an encore, we didn't disappear, then come back and theatrically pick our instruments back up, we didn't play longer than time allowed for, we simply finished our set and 2 people up front wanted to hear Astro Zombies so we did. Maybe I'm crazy, but when a band is in the position that were in, and no one likes us, I think that when the crowd actually wants something specifically from US, we damn well better deliver it. 

But apparently that type of crowd satisfaction is far below him. Also Joe and Dan said that backstage when I wasn't there, someone who was making dinner started politely asking Conor something about dinner, in a language other than English, Conor cut him off rudely without even making eye contact screaming "RONALDO, RONALDO" as if demanding that his time not be wasted by this person trying to prepare him food. It was one of the rudest things I had ever heard, and I wasn't even in the room, I was just relayed the story.

After the show we walked around a nice area, didn't shower because Keith said the water pressure was terrible. Got Skittles for the first time while we've been here, because the Skittles in Europe don't use gelatin. The houses in this town were close to the street and really nice. It was awkward walking around because when you were on the sidewalk you were only a few feet from people eating dinner. It was just something I'm not used to seeing. 

Some guy called Choke a "faggot hairdresser" and he just laughed it off. Mark seemed really pissed because the guy heckled them throughout their whole set, Mark then asked me what happened with me and Conor because their roadie Josh had seen us arguing so I briefly explained it to him. We just chit chatted until Dan came in and told me I was being accused once again for not helping load out, when in fact, no one had started loading out yet. I hate people.

December 4th - Warshau, Poland @ Progresia

New driver started today.

Joe got in an argument with our tour manager about his bunk. I got a bunch of tour posters from the venue because our name was in the Samhain font, and it looked like an old school Slapshot flyer. Me and Joe went for a long walk by ourselves, there weren't many places to go. One kid was into it the whole time, and towards the end someone joined him, but we were unsure if he was mocking us or not. Whatever, I'll take mocking over indifference any day, at least that means they noticed that we played. I had pizza that night, and had to pick the corn off because for some reason, over here, apparently they are under the impression that Americans put corn all over everything. The grocery stores over here even have frozen "American Style Pizza" with corn all over it. Very strange.

December 3rd - Magdeburg, Germany @ Blow Up

Small, smokey club, no room onstage, we played like shit, couldn't put any emotion into the set, because I had to remain stationary due to lack of room on the stage. A band called "Anti- Cops" played. The backstage area was across the street in a separate building. Food was

terrible and it looked like vomit. This is where I ran into the first internet cafe where I called Julia at work and talked to her for a while, then she transferred me to my mom, and then back to her. I had to have the drummer for All For Nothing translate my request for me because I couldn't seem to get the right instructions out of the guy behind the counter because he spoke little to no English. It cost me a little under 5 Euros.
We walked to a mall with a grocery store in it. We were backstage and laughing about Stoughton and Ziggols, and talking about Town Spa and how much we wanted to go home.

December 2nd - Jena, Germany - @ F Haus

This was the first show that I ran into a mall with an ATM. I took out 110 Euros. I don't think I bought anything though. We found another mall with a grocery store and got some chocolate. I found a pay phone and tried to call Julia but couldn't figure out how to use it.

Tonight's show felt like a battle of the bands at a high school because of the extremely high stage. Watched Slapshot sound check with Bigmouth Strikes Again. I tried new food, couscous to be exact. It had vegetables in it. Julia is always trying to get me to try it and I never wanted to, but starvation forced me to this time. During Slapshot's set a fight started, so I got out of the way and went outside because I had nowhere else to go. I was expecting it to be brought outside like I'm used to seeing, but it never happened, so I went back inside and watched the rest of the set. Mike from Slapshot encouraged me to stick with music because he had seen a lot of terrible bands get huge and "we are by no means a terrible band" he said that with our sound we shouldn't be playing strictly hardcore shows, and that we should be spreading it out amongst more melodic bands just as much if not more than with hardcore bands, I couldn't agree more.

December 1st - Munchen, Germany - @ Backstage

Funeral for a Friend played next door with Cancer Bats. This building had many buildings in it. Hard to explain. Me, Joe, and Keith walked to a gas station. Our dinner that night was pizza, it was good, but it took a while because they accidentally sent it to us with cheese so we had to send it back and wait for them to get us what we ordered. The show this night sucked. We just flat out played bad and no one cared. The shower was ok, but like every other shower on this tour, it left me soaking wet all night because of tiny towels, and no room to put your dry, clean clothes while you're showering. We joked about how no one likes us after the show, and brought up the idea of making our next cd a comedy album, and that maybe that would go over better with the crowd than our music does. We are pretty miserable.

November 30th - San Giorgio In Bosco, Italy @ La Gabbia

This is the night that Joe's guitar got stolen, we are certain it was by a member of the band Anger, seeing as he was the only one backstage when it happened, and he had been complaining about how much he hates America and was being extremely loud, rude and obnoxious. He was kicked out, and apparently on his way out, must have grabbed Joe's guitar and split, we tried finding him and/or the guitar, no such luck.

November 29th - Rimini, Italy @ Boulevard Club

"Heavy Metal Disco Night" as everyone called it. It was a club that had had many rooms, and many different types of people. Dan tells me that apprently during the end of "Contact" I "made some girl fall to her knees" I didn't see it happen but I'll take his word for it. It was a good show, I really felt like the emotion in the music was conveyed well through our live performance that night. Me and Keith had a talk with Joe about him having to improve his confidence. Joe, Keith, and I went for a walk but it started to rain so we had to run back. Firestorm, Roots, and I Will Be Heard, were all played at the club and people were dancing to it. It was more like an actual night club than a venue. A good show either way.

November 28th - Lucinico, Italy @ Pieffe Factory

I just woke up from 16 straight hours of sleeping. I would feel fine if I had been eating at all this whole time. I feel weak already from a lack of food and nutrients. I already wish I wasn't here. It's raining outside and it's cold in the venue. The food they have for us is just bread and fruit that I can eat....oh yeah and potato chips....ughhh. I'm so hungry its not even funny, and I have to play a 45 minute set every night. I bet I'll pass out onstage one of these nights. No one speaks English here, this makes our last tour seem like such paradise. I'd rather be in our cramped van driving around America where I know I can stop anywhere and get something to eat than be in this giant bus and be on what seems like another planet. Maybe my attitude will change, who knows.

November 27th - Solothurn, Switzerland @ Kofmehl

The journal entries from Nov 29 - Dec 11th are me recalling what happened, as opposed to the others which were written the day/night of the entry. 

However, all of this was written while I was still in Europe:

We arrived in Frankfurt Germany this morning and Conor's bass got lost in the luggage system somehow. We stuck around the airport for a while filing a report, and then we met up with Chris from Slapshot outside and walked to the bus. The bus has 17 or so bunks that are pretty comfortable. It has 2 lounges and a dvd player. 

When we were driving to the show today it didn't even feel like we were traveling, it just felt like we were in a room talking. I'm a little messed up from jet lag, I've been sleeping off and on. I don't know what the shower situation will be like every night, Chris said we are afforded the opportunity to shower each night whether it be at the venue, or at a hotel, so hopefully that's true. I don't know if I'll be able to wear much makeup either because of the cramped quarters and lack of a mirror(and makeup for that matter) I guess its not the end of the world, but I like to try and look good every night. Whatever happens happens I guess. I also don't know where I'm going to be able to warm up every night seeing as there's always going to be people in the bus and backstage. Again, I'll just have to figure something out I guess...

Post show:

First show was fucking terrible, we sounded like shit, I almost threw up, and no one cared that we played. Not one person bought anything. And everyone stood 10 feet back the whole time. There were about 50 people there.

Energy "Invasions Of The Mind" (2008) (FLAC)

FREE FLAC DOWNLOAD: smarturl.it/invasions

Aug. 8th, 2008

Well I leave for tour any minute now. I'm pretty depressed about it. Its the last time me and Julia with have an apartement, a home, for a while. All of our stuff is going into storage, our TV our couches, our tables, our computer, our decorations, our shelves....I'm very sad about it all. I don't handle losing things that have sentimental value very well, I never have. Even when I was younger I'd spend weeks crying to the thought of Christmas being over, or my annual trip to maine being over, or having to throw something away that meant a lot to me. Its not a bad thing really I guess it just shows that I'm very emotional, and I'd rather be over emotional, than be someone who can't express themselves.

At least I get to keep my cat. That was the biggest thing that would have broken my heart. I love that cat so much. So me being upset is 100 percent sentimental. I will have my cat, my girlfriend, all the items that were inside will be in storage, its just KNOWING I can't go back to me and Julias home, ever again that makes me want to die.

Also, I am going to be homeless when I come back from tour. Julia is living with her mom, but ill have nowhere to live. I've been living like this for most of my teenage years, so its not unfamiliar, but I was also becoming used to coming home to the comfort of my nice apartment with my awesome girlfriend, and being alone. We won't have any alone time any more, then again it'll be like back when we were first together, it could be exciting, but probably will just be depressing.

This is it I'm walking out of Me and Julia's apartment for the last time...

Aug. 5th, 2008

Jul. 2nd, 2008

I'm so tired. So much band stuff from recording, to touring blah blah blah. I don't even feel like I'm fully conscious. I can't really think straight. They're getting the cd mastered tomorrow. should be exciting to hear. I just hope there's no money confusion or anything, which there probably will be, or any other dumb shit for that matter.

I feel like I haven't got an actual GOOD night of sleep in well over a month. I wake up with my mind racing and feeling exhausted. When people talk to me I only catch like half of what they're saying no matter what.

Tomorrow's mastering, Thursday is show at Al's house/fireworks/party at Al's - Best night of the year. Then Friday(or Thursday night, who knows because I never know what the hell is ever going on with my bands immediate plans) we leave for our tour that will undoubtedly be a money wasting disaster. 75 bucks a night. over 100 to fill the gas tank. That's all I'm even going to say.

The guy at the T-Mobile store told me I'd have my sidekick in time for Friday. I'm calling it now that I won't have it.

I got my knuckles tattooed today, Rose Glen. I didn't get it how everyone does because the way everyone gets it makes it look like they have hand tattoos, and I don't like hand tattoos, so I just got it thin in cursive. I like it a lot, it's just not much to look at, just words, no shading or anything, just script. I'm glad I got it, it will constantly remind me of the best times of my life spent at Al's house with all my best friends, being total aliens to the rest of the world. Not my favorite tattoo because well, it's not really art,and that's why I get tattoos, but it probably means the most to me out of all my tattoos. It's also my first like "friendship" tattoo. Not like everyones "FRIENDSHIPS" that they get which are really general, only a certain number of people could get rose glen tattoos. So far it's: Josh, Bubby, Eric, Roe, Me, TT. Hopefully more to come.

I'm fucking exhausted.

Jun. 27th, 2008

I finally finished recording vocals today. I'm so glad that's over with, but at the same time I can't wait to write new songs already and look forward to a new record. This is how I felt when we recorded our EP too. This will probably be a reoccurring thing that will go along with the completion of every record we do.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately: I don't think I'll ever be happy with the stage I'm at with songwriting. I will like songs we write, I will probably always tell myself that I will eventually do better. I feel as if writing music is something that is never fully mastered. It's all about personal improvement and learning. I still feel like I'm learning how to write songs. If you get to the point where you think everything you do is great, then that's when you start to pump out soulless garbage. I will always be critical of everything I do.

Also, art is not a contest. I see so many bands and even fans of music really going out of their way to let everyone else know that they are well read/intellectual/deep/artistic/interesting people. Art is about personal expression...PERIOD. If you can find a beautiful way to truly express yourself, then you have created art. It's not about showing other people the art, it is nice when other people appreciate the art, or can relate to it, but when it all comes down to it, if you are doing it for anyone else but yourself, then you are dead inside.

The Smashing Pumpkins embody everything I would like my band to become. They have so many different style songs that no new material would really make anyone go "Wait, THIS is the smashing pumpkins???? this isn't right" They have songs where it's just Billy on guitar and vocals, songs like Disarm, aggressive songs like JellyBelly, Bullet with Butterfly wings, songs like Ava Adore using solely synthetic beats, Songs like tonight tonight, songs like The Everlasting Gaze that are down tuned, brutal songs.
That's just my ultimate goal is to always be pushing the band in different directions and always be reinventing our sound so that anyone that knows us will never say "HUH????" to anything we do, yet at the same time having it still sound like "Us". So that the natural progression actually becomes a part of "our sound".

I'm rambling, well it's not like anyone's really reading this anyways because Blogs are where it's at nowadays as far as, typing your thoughts down so that people can publicly read them in a journal-like fashion goes....

It's like 5:30 am, I have a show tonight, I should sleep.

May. 30th, 2008

im very happy with how our cd sounds so far. the drums sound huge, awesome snare sound. we recorded the drums analog and pasted them into pro tools to give it a polished sound but at the same time, making the drums sound REAL. justin's playing on this record is incredible.

conor should be finishing up bass as im typing this, bass sounds really good, reminds me of the black sails bass sound. we spent longer than we usually do on bass, making sure the playing was absolutely flawless.

after conor finishes, joe will be spending the rest of the day figuring out all of the guitar tones/sounds he will be using throughout the album. 

sat.tomorrow, we have a show in CT(i think?) . should be fun to play live again, always is.

sunday is an off day. 

monday we head back to chris currans and joe will start recording guitars and we will be doing that all week id assume. julia will be coming down tuesday cus she has the day off =)

i think the following week i will be tracking vocals, though there's been talk of me doing some vocals at night during the days joe is recording guitars. either way, im excited.

the vocals should come out perfect seeing as mike rendini is producing. im just worried about writing. although, i did get quite a bit of writing done, in the studio while conor was doing bass. i just have one full song of lyrics to do, and 2 lines in another song. so i guess im not THAT behind. it will all work out awesome so im not worried.

i can't wait for this cd to be in stores. i will be so proud.

ep comes first, i think its going to be called the "Race The Sun" EP. it's so exciting to have 2 releases ahead of me from one recording session. it will have an "exclusive to the ep" cover of the ramones cover of the beach boys cover of Bobby Freeman's "do you wanna dance" its a good song =)

it will just be good to know im actually proud of the recording that im promoting.

May. 11th, 2008

Why am I the only person on earth that has a brain. People actually wonder why I don't like leaving my apartment. There's a reason I don't hang out with you. Think about that. THERE IS A REASON I DO NOT HANG OUT WITH YOU, yes YOU the reader. haha and watch, no one will comment either cus I made it too awkward. And now that I think of it just so you don't piss me off by being a wise ass and commenting just to spite me, I'm disabling comments for this one post. 

But yeah. I don't hang out with you for one reason or another. Some people just because I don't know you maybe? but mostly because I know, that at some point down the line, I will disagree with something about you or do/say/believe/ in so much, that it will piss me off to no end.

During these last 3 days I've never wanted to just stop existing more in my life. Well, not in my life, but as far as the last few years go, it's been the worst. I am the only person I know that makes intelligent decisions. I am never happy. EVER. Why is it that when I break things down for people, they can't seem to bring up any good points to prove me wrong, BUT STILL manage to think they are right, and go about whatever it is they were doing that we were arguing about. Oh that's right because they are idiots. I hate every fucking person I see. I am so full of rage today. I was screaming at the top of my lungs punching shit in my apartment. I had no control over it. As if last night wasn't difficult enough for me to get through. Not talking about the show. Show was good. I'm just going to leave it at that.

There are so many things pissing me off in life right now I feel like my head is going to explode. Why can't people just see a problem, asses it, and solve it. This of course roots back to the obvious "why does this problem exist in the first place? oh that's right YOU'RE A DUMBASS YOU FUCKING IDIOT" No matter what, if you think this is about it, it either could be or couldn't be it's just such a generalization because of how many DIFFERENT things are pissing me off.

I am going to have a nervous breakdown, I am pretty sure I had one last night. and then again today. *EDIT* I just looked it up, yes I did, 2 nervous breakdowns in 24 hours. Actually 3. I am just losing it at the drop of a fucking hat I can't control myself anymore. Whether it be in a fit of furious rage and anger, or just me freaking out in other ways that I won't go into. I don't give a shit what you think of me when you read this. You're the same way. You hide shit all on the inside and wouldn't DARE let anyone else see you in your moments of weakness, or even god forbid.....SEE YOU SHOW REAL HUMAN EMOTION!!!!!!!

FUCK YOU - god dammit I am so mad right now. Don't fucking ask me what this is all about either, I'm just writing this to get it off my mind a little so I don't grind my teeth down the the nerves in my sleep. Everything pisses me off. Every thing about ever person I see. 

I went to Al's tonight and got my mind off of things for at least a little bit, but of course even got a little stressed there too. I just can't stop. I wish I could go to sleep forever. I guess I could if I wanted to. Wouldn't it be nice if when you died, it's just like dreaming forever. I'm sure there would still be nightmares actually. Yeah now that I think of it that would suck because all I have is nightmares.

All I do is as Julia puts it "wax philosophical" all day long. I wouldn't do this if everything just made sense. But every single thing that everyone does, doesn't. I know I sound redundant to you, but you ARE a moron to me.


I fear death so much but maybe it wouldn't be so bad. All this stupid bullshit would just cease. OH MAN THAT SOUNDS AWFUL! wouldn't want to have to go a whole day without being aggravated at something someone else did that's dumb, that you would have done a million times better.

I FEEL YOUR FEAR BURNING INTO MY NECK, AS I RUN THIS GAUNTLET OF EYES, THIS GAUNTLET OF LIES.

May. 8th, 2008

I am only months away from being away from home longer than I'd ever want to be, but I am spending each night that I'm gone doing exactly what I want to be doing. Doesn't sound like it makes any sense does it. I've got like 3 songs to write (roughly, melodies for one song are done just have to do lyrics, and got chorus melodies for the other 2) I won't be actually tracking my vocals for a while so I have time, but I try and jot down ideas every night. Our record is going to sound so good. Justin is playing the drums and recording at Q-Division Studios (In the big room for the price of the small room, so I'm told) so it will sound incredible, Joe and Conor play flawlessly in the studio, and Mike Rendini will be making me not sound like a total dumbass. That's all I can ask. Then we go on a real tour with promised money each night, and promised food money each night, with popular bands headlining. 

I have to go to practice I'll edit this later.

Apr. 16th, 2008

a message from a band to the Energy myspace:

Hey Energy !! Very jobs!! Very punch!! We are VENIAL from the forest Amozonia, fuckin brazillian band!! born the forest! how are??

Apr. 2nd, 2008

Mar. 28th, 2008

People don't listen to bands unless a record label tells them it's ok. What would happen if every label in the world went under, and every band released everything for free online and relied on shows and merch sales to make their money? Well it would be basically the same way it is now because thats what bands REALLY make their money on, except people would have to actually decide for themselves what they want to like. What a concept huh? 

Just a thought. I'm not boycotting labels just yet, because I believe that in this digital age, they will be obsolete eventually anyways. So while they AREN'T obsolete, I'm going to abide and do what it takes to get more popular in this day and age. Whatever.

Also, speaking of "the digital age" that we live in, I believe, (to a certain extent, for those of you who will take what I'm saying the wrong way, because that ALWAYS FUCKING HAPPENS, no one can just realize that everything I'm saying is with the best of intentions.) I believe that adding 500 people a day on myspace or however many people, is far more effective than doing DIY tours getting no food, hardly any exposure, driving for hours and hours and hours a day, and playing in front of 1 to 5 kids that knew you ahead of time, and exposing yourself to the other 20 in the room, 5 of which might like you enough to THINK about buying something, and MAYBE they will. I like playing in front of people, and I like playing live a LOT, but it just seems like a huge fucking waste of time traveling and touring like THAT. If you're playing with a band that will get like 300 to 500 people in a room each night at least, then that's a different story in my eyes. But that's not the case for me right now, so until that happens I will always see every small tour as pointless. If I know that 20 kids are gonna be into us in a small room I'll always be glad to play, but that's just not the case, that'll happen like once each tour, and it's cool and everything, but not worth the pain in the ass. If I'm going to be traveling like that, I want to be gaining as many fans as possible. I will never think that by continuously doing tours where we play in front of 30 kids each night who just awkwardly stand there to be polite and clap after each song to be polite is worth it. Sorry, call me an asshole, I just can't see how anyone would want to do that over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over. Yes I typed all those, no copy paste, just to emphasize my point.

Even if we somehow got so big that we had to play places like the Avalon or something, I'd always do secret shows, hell, even secret TOURS, where we played under a disguised name and played for like 500 kids. But right now, we don't have more than 1 to 5 people anywhere we go, that give enough of a shit, and you know what, I have to fucking EAT FOOD when I'm out doing this, and that little of a turnout isn't gonna feed me.

I honestly don't think I'm being negative, I think if anything I'm being positive by thinking these things. I just think I look into things a lot more than most people do, because no one else really talks about this stuff do they? No they don't. Not around me at least. I come across as being a negative person a lot of the time, but I really don't think I am. I'm just ANGRY, and not complacent or passive about the shit I'm directly exposed to. HOW CAN YOU BLAME ME FOR THAT?

I just don't see how everyone can just keep all their opinions to themselves all the time, mine just burst out of me. I can't keep them in. Sorry. That's not going to change.

Please feel free to comment, debate, argue, call me, IM me, or god forbid - BRING UP TO ME IN PERSON whatever in regards to things that you might disagree with. I shouldn't be someone who it isn't easy to confront about this stuff, it's not like I'd just flip out or smash you in the face with something. I like to talk about things. I would LIKE TO BE PROVEN WRONG about all the stuff I said in my entry, cus that would mean I wouldn't feel like I'm wasting my time if I actually believed I wasn't. Get it? I'll never know if you do.

On a different note, I'm not very "old fashioned" I realized today. I don't really care about instilling "classic" values in anything really. If something doesn't make sense to me, I'm not gonna do it. Period. I love hearing about any guy doing typical girl things, and any girl doing typical guy things, I think asking permission from someones parents to marry them is dumb, I think honoring someones dying wish even though you completely disagree with the morale behind it is dumb, I think people who are against gay marriage because they want to instill traditional moral values in America are dumb, I like when people are comfortable with every aspect of who they are,I like it when ANYONE truly makes an effort to be individualistic.

I just wish I could say all these things to people in real life without it being terribly evident that they don't want to listen to me.

On a non philosophical note though:

Today I woke up and did nothing. Well I did some things, I wrote some music, I ate some food, I looked for my keys that I FUCKING lost, I watched TV, but didn't really "do" anything.

I wish I had money, I'd obviously get a lot of tattoos, but I really want to start getting more of the clothes I want. I really really want to start experimenting with different styles of clothes and stuff, but I can't without money. Everyone I know looks the same, no offense but for the most part it's true, I don't really have a problem with that though. I want to dress so outrageously that it pisses people off, even people I know. It's just funny to me that the way someone dresses or wears their hair, or wears their make-up(or wears make-up period) gets tattoos, does or doesn't shave body hair in certain areas that their sex is or isn't "supposed" to paints their nails, pierces themselves etc etc etc, can actually get people all worked up and angry. "wait, BOYS AREN'T SUPPOSED TO DO THAT" "wait, GIRLS AREN'T SUPPOSED TO DO THAT" I don't know it's just funny - in like a pathetic way though.

somehow that turned back into introspection and philosophy, I just can't fucking stop haha.

I need a job though for real, not only to help Julia out with all of OUR expenses, but so I can just GET things for once. Not having a job is really incredible, but I'm starting to think that maybe just MAYBE, working like 12 hours a week or something that won't make me want to kill myself every minute I'm awake(and sometimes when I'm sleeping too) might not be such a bad idea. I'd be able to afford a snack once in a while, maybe some cool clothes etc. It's just an income, so I could just save money.

I really don't want to type anymore. So that's the end of that.