I WAS JUST DIAGNOSED WITH BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER (BPD)

GET-PUNK.COM MAIL DAY VINYL UNBOXING (August 2020)

For St. Luke's Nursing Home in North Dakota

This is a performance for Nadeen and the patients over at St. Luke's Nursing Home in ND...I love you all :) Timelessness: 01:11 The Infection: 03:28 If You Have Ghosts: 09:25 A Prayer For Rain: 13:06 Another Yesterday: 17:17 They: 20:39 Leave Me Alone: 24:40

Renascentia

Hey...it's been 8 years or so, but here I am again.

I started a blog somewhere else, but I hate starting over and this feels like I'm picking up where I left off so I'm going with this one.

I noticed that at some point I went back and deleted all of the photos that went along with this blog. I'll try to start backdating and replacing the photos if I find any and I can remember where on the blog they initially were, but I'm not promising anything.

What I can do is start backdating the more important and significant moments of my life that I hadn't been documenting here for all these years.

I'll keep this short because it's sort of a "welcome back" post, but here is my most recent YouTube video that I made for my favorite music of 2019:

~ TALK HARD

Sunday

‪I just want this to stop. My back hurts so bad. I can’t wait until it’s better so I can start getting back into shape because the pain is wearing me down more and more each day. ‬

Every day for the past week or two, I’ve been having to take a nap simply because I can’t keep being awake. The pain is too much, so I lay down and pass out for a few hours. Needless to say, this is throwing off my sleeping pattern a bit. 

I have always had a bad back. I was born with scoliosis and have developed degenerative disc disease and arthritis in my neck / spine in general. My lower back was never an issue though until December of 2013 when I helped Conor put the seats to the old Energy tour van back in. Something pulled and I’ve been trying to figure it out since. 

Last night Tiffany and I worked on my “Best music of 2019” video for my channel. I’ve gotta hand it to her, she did something that’s very difficult to do, and that’s call me on my laziness when need be. 

I had been procrastinating doing any work because I had just become so comfortable to the point where I just wasn’t pushing myself. She basically walked into my room and asked why I hadn’t been making any videos. I didn’t have a good answer for her, but instead of getting defensive about it, I swallowed my pride and admitted that she was right. 

I had already compiled my list a while ago, and I had intended to make this video before the end of the year, but I gave up once it got too close to the new year. I wasn’t thinking about my own record keeping and documentation. That’s a big reason why I like making videos and blog entries. Ten years from now I’ll be able to look back and remember exactly how this period of my life was, and what music I was into at the time. 

It’s 10:48am right now and Tiffany is asleep. I’m pretty sure she was up fairly late, so I usually try not to be too loud in the mornings. I’ve always enjoyed alone time and solitude. There’s something so peaceful about just being alone with some music. 

I think I’m going to go enjoy that now. 

~ TALK HARD 

First entry

I’m typing out my first blog entry in quite some time. Years probably.

Leave it to Henry Rollins to inspire me to start again. I was ripping his spoken word album release of “Black Coffee Blues” that my friend Nadeen purchased for me to FLAC and uploading it to my phone when I decided to click one of the tracks. Chris Haskett’s guitar work matches the tone of Henry’s words perfectly. Quite the appropriate score given the material. So here I am typing now...

Writing has always been something I’ve been interested in whether it be the random creative type of writing I did as a child (some of which I found recently), journal entries throughout the years, lyrics, etc, I’ve always felt compelled to write. 

I’m not saying that I’ll be doing this every day, but that’s what I’m telling myself to aim for. I hope that by forcing myself to write again, it will get me out of this rut that I feel like I’ve been digging myself out of for a while now.

My life is very good right now. I haven’t been this content with my living situation since 2012 probably. That’s actually when I stopped blogging before so perhaps it’s my current stable living environment combined with my support system of loving people, and my ongoing quest to be content in my own mind that has me in this frame of mind again. Either way, this is another new beginning for me. 

When the invasion comes again, I’ll be ready. I will not allow it to leave as much damage as it has in the past. Over time I am beginning to understand that everything passes. It’s a new decade now. I’ve made so many mistakes over the past ten years, but I’ve had my proudest accomplishments as well. I’m actually enjoying getting a little bit older. Aside from my myriad of physical ailments that are just getting worse the older I get.

My back has been absolutely terrible. It was getting better for a bit there while I was going to physical therapy, but I’ve had some of the worst constant pain I’ve ever had in a muscle this past week to the point where I’m legitimately surprised that I had the energy for this. I’ve been having to take multiple hour long naps every day just because the pain is too much. 

I plan on calling my doctor either tomorrow or Monday.

I’m done talking for right now because now I’m thinking about my back pain. 

Talk with you again soon.

Photo by Tiffany Moon on New Year’s Eve, 2019. 

~ TALK HARD

Wednesday, January 1st, 2020

Photos by PiX