Mar. 30th, 2007 4:17 AM

Today I woke up, picked Julia up, we went to stop and shop and she bought some food, then I went to band practice where we just jammed on still waiting and the new song and angelfuck. then we went to my apartment and we just sat here til a little while ago.

I haven't showered since like Tuesday. I'm itchy from how dirty I am, I need to shave. I am pretty tired and I'm def gonna fall asleep when I'm done typing. But then I have to drive Julia to work, then her Mom to work. Then I get a little bit of sleep then I go to the gym with Josh, then I am recording some vocals with Listen Up, should be fun.

DOES ANYONE KNOW WHERE I CAN GET TIGHT BLACK PANTS?

DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY TIGHT BLACK PANTS I CAN HAVE?

I didn't think so.

Life is so fuckin boring, you think you don't do anything? You're wrong. If I didn't have a band, I would never leave my apartment. I don't really like to go out and do anything. I hate going over peoples houses. I hate being around smoke. And chances are, I hate half the people at the house I WOULD be going to.

I'm tired I'm going to sleep.

Mar. 27th, 2007 3:40 AM

ATTN: Depressing Entry don't read if you don't want to get brought down

Why does anybody do anything? There's no point. We all just die. I know that you know we all just die, but I can't stop thinking about it. Anyone we care about just dies, the memories are gone, there is no after life. I can't lie to myself. 

And as far as being remembered goes...that doesn't matter either.Nothing we do, accomplish, or stand for will matter in the end. The fact is that when our Sun dies it will expand past Mars(burning up Earth) before shrinking back up and exploding...Ending all life as we know it.

So why do I even bother being straight edge, being vegan, being a good person at all. Why do I even waste my time being in a band and trying to write music? The world is just going to burn up and we're all going to die and nothing anyone has EVER done will matter to anyone. I can't think of one logical reason to even keep living, aside from the fact that I'm a human being with emotions and the emotion "fear" is keeping me from killing myself.

Does ANYONE else feel this way?

It doesn't even matter if anyone does, cus the worlds just going to die.

I guess (clearly), the only thing me or anyone can do is to just do whatever the hell they want in life, have as much fun as they can...and then just die.

The only way I will ever be happy is if someone tells me I can live forever.

Mar. 26th, 2007 at 1:46 AM

well I just tried to make muffins with baking soda instead of baking powder, which I KNEW wasn't going to work, but I tried anyways, and sure enough, they tasted really bad and I had to throw them away :(

Dave is over right now, we're watching south park. 

I can't wait to get my money from taxes back so I can get some of my tattoos filled in.

I don't do anything. I just sit in my apartment, occasionally go to the store for food or whatever, go to the gym, and wait for Energy's next show. I have no life. I don't really mind though, it's ok.

Tomorrow...well, I'll probably just sit here all day. There's nothing I'm looking forward to except the new Energy cd...AND seeing Julia everyday when she gets home of course :)

I'm done, Go Vegan.

Mar. 24th, 2007 at 12:13 AM

please excuse my poor punctuation, i'm half asleep and i don't feel like caring.

today I woke up and went to the gym with josh. it turns out, i can do allot more than i thought i could at the gym with my broken hand. so that's good.

Then I went to band practice and we worked on the new song. it's awesome. we covered still waiting too. and firestorm for fun.

then I went to Ross' house and got the outline for my right arm done. it looks good. it just sucks now, cus it's just line-work and now everyone that sees me is going to look at it and think it's bad when in reality that's how all tattoos look when you just get the line-work. it just looks like a sketch on my arm. that's how my left arm looked for like 6 months until i got the money to color it in. whatever. idiots will be idiots.

only thing i'm bummed about is that my X's are STILL very visible...so no sleeveless shirts just yet, but soon.

I'm definitely going to have to get a job now. JUST for this. there's no way I can have this much unfinished work on me for that long. I'll go crazy. 

It's definitely gonna be spooky though...that's all that matters :)

i'm so fucking tired, what the hell ever happened to me staying up ALL night until like 8 am EVERY night?

Dammit

Mar. 19th, 2007 12:19 AM

I'm nervous about going to the doctor's tuesday for my hand, I'm only nervous because they have to set it into place and I don't know how bad that's going to hurt.

Julia did my nails today, they look good, but we used shitty nail polish that I stole cus that's all they had. Oh well.

I haven't been wearing my splint because I know it's just going to hurt really bad when they set it so there's no point. It's just itchy and annoying.

I don't have much else to say

I'm playing with comeback kid,ambitions and this is hell tomorrow...you should go.

later :)

Mar. 17th, 2007 at 12:14 AM

I haven't done anything since I got home from tour. I've been sick, and I broke my hand at the show Friday, which I still haven't got a cast for, and it still hasn't been set into place...so that's going to fucking kill. I'm not even wearing my splint, there's no point, they're just going to have to set it back into place anyways. I go in for that Tuesday. 

Tomorrow, I have a show with Outbreak in Lowell...eh. Hopefully I can get my nails done before hand, and it won't hurt my hand severely. I just want to write new music and stop playing most of these songs. They're either Hot Water Music Rips, or just not that good anyways, I just know we can do better, we already have, with just the pieces of the new song we have.

I've just been sitting inside for days. I do nothing. I need to get tattoos ASAP. Thinking of getting a throat tattoo, that would be awesome. It would be IMPOSSIBLE to get a job after that, but it would be awesome regardless. What do you think, should I get a throat tattoo??? 

I am just getting over being sick, which is good. I need to regain the will power to go to the gym. All I can do now basically is legs, abs, and cardio, and one chest exercise I can think of off the top of my head. I'm hoping I can at least hold weights by my sides and do shrugs once I get my cast...this sucks so bad.

I haven't worked in 12 months - yikes. Once I get this cast on, and Julia's car gets fixed I'll prob get a pizza delivery job and make good money on tips. I'll get this job at night so I can use her car when she's not using it. This will also afford me to help her pay the bills/us do more fun things. And of course ... TATTOOS :)

My hand is fucking killing me right now.

I've been watching Jackass and Bam shows all day long.

How can you not like Earth Crisis?

Mar. 10th, 2007 at 11:51 PM

I broke my fucking hand and i need to wear a cast for 2 months...its my good hand too. god i hate my life. im typing all of this with my left hand and it sucks. i cant use the mouse either. im determined to still go to the gym and do SOMETHING everyday...somehow. this sucks, be happy both your hands work.

Mar. 9th, 2007 at 12:03 AM

well my throat is fucking killing me to the point where I don't think I'm going to be able to sing tomorrow night without hurting myself. I'm sipping tea right now I just hope I wake up and it feels fine. I actually hope that I'm sick, cus that means that my throat is hurting because of that and not because of excessive singing. 

I feel bad that Julia's car is all fucked up. It's going to cost her more money than she has. She doesn't deserve this! I missed her so much when I was gone, and now that I'm home she's miserable because of this whole car thing... we can't go away to Maine now because of this too :( :( :( :(

My throat hurts and I want to die. Yesterday I did back and bis and the stairmaster for 72 floors. Today I did shoulders and abs and the stairmaster for 10 minutes. 

My throat hurts so bad this fucking sucks god fucking dammit.

Mar. 7th, 2007 at 4:50 AM: Home from tour...

SO:

Touring was cold and long, but it was a cool experience overall. I'm glad Joe and Dan are in the band. Now we can get to work on an album I can actually be proud of. Not that I'm not proud of the fact that I got my shit together enough to make a cd finally, but it's just going to be really nice when we have a 12 or 13 song full-length album of well written songs in the style of music I've wanted from the start. I didn't mind compromising the sound a little bit at first if it just meant I could finally be in a band, so I cooperated. I like almost all of our songs that we have, but I knew it wouldn't be the style I'd end up playing. I want to take my time with the vocals on this cd and make sure they're exactly what I want, same goes for the lyrics. We have parts of the music to a new song written and it blows away anything on our EP already. Joe knows exactly what I'm going for for this record. I tend to describe what I want musically in terms of feel, and I told Joe what I'm going for for this album and the first thing he wrote couldn't have been more dead on. Still fast, but very sad/dark chords. Go It Alone/AFI(Black Sails/Art Of Drowning)/Modern Life Is War-esque I guess, it's hard to describe. We'll record(demo) songs as we write them, so chances are you're my friend if you're reading this and I'll show you the new recordings as they come anyway, and you can decide for yourself if you like it or not and/or what they sound like.

This Friday is our "Homecoming/1 Year anniversary show. I hope all of our friends go and have a good time. We plan on doing allot of cover songs, which EVERYONE likes, if you don't like cover songs you're lying. We've been a band for one whole year now. I think back to the days where me and Conor would drive to Burton's house and meet up with Mikey D and Rob, and it seems so much longer ago than it actually is. I'm excited to play in Brockton again. I'm excited to just be home and see everything I'm used to seeing all the time. It's SO awesome. I'm already staying up all night and sleeping until late afternoon almost into the evening.

TT lives across the hall from me. Yep, you heard me, right across the hall. That means the entire bottom floor of 17 Bennett Drive is ours. So we basically have one big apartment. Obviously the non-edge kids will go over there to do their thing, but having my apt right across the hall creates a safe haven for the edge kids when TT's apt is filled with smoke. It's a pretty good equalizer.

I've realized while being on tour and playing every single night, that I NEED to stay in the best possible shape I can at all times. I get so winded trying to play as hard as I can and accurately hit notes. So that's why EVERY single day that I can, I'm going to the gym and working out like crazy. Today was my first day back from tour and me and Josh went and did chest and tris, and ended on some machine that gives you a full body cardio workout. I was soaked with sweat by the time we finished. It was awesome. It's like what Henry Rollins said once, I forget the exact quote, but it was something about how he couldn't understand how all these rockers write such good music but treat their bodies like shit, and wouldn't put their all into their live performances. He said that the music he makes is hard and intense and makes him want to move intensely on stage, and in order to do that, he needs to be in top physical condition all the time. After a few weeks I realized he couldn't have been more right. I would feel like 20 people just beat the living shit out of me, after every time we'd play. Towards the end it started getting a little bit better, but that was partially due to the fact that I was starting to take it easier on myself. I don't want to have to "take it easy on myself" I want to be able to beat the shit out of myself while playing every single night, and put on a good show. So it quickly came to my attention that that is my number one priority with all my spare time. Also, I noticed/realized that all my favorite singers (Rollins,Danzig,Havok) are in awesome shape. They lift weights, and train like crazy - Understandably. Not to mention the fact that I'd like to prove the vegan = skinny kid stereotype/myth to everyone that challenges it wrong.

I have practice tomorrow to tighten up the set for our show friday, and learn a few surprise covers too! (We don't even know what we're doing so feel free to comment with suggestions, I'd actually like that). After that we start work on the new record - I can't wait. March 17th we're playing in Lowell with Outbreak and Verse, that should be good, and 2 days later,on the 19th, we're playing at the Roxy in Boston with Comeback Kid,This Is Hell, and Ambitions.

This entry has been long enough, I'm going to go watch some TV now.