Tuesday, May 7th, 2024 - YouTube Update

 

Monday, April 1st, 2024

From March 18th to March 20th, PiX and I went to see Ministry, Gary Numan, and Front Line Assembly at Roadrunner in Boston, Zheani in Brooklyn, and spent the following day in Times Square. This was one of the best experiences of my life and our relationship. We didn't get to reflect much on our trip though because we both woke up really sick the very next day after arriving home. She's actually still recovering. 

Seeing Ministry was amazing aside from a few things. I was right up front and got to see Al and the band up close. It was incredible. They played half of the new album, and the rest of the set was older songs. I did however bruise my rib and lose a shirt in the pit. I was really angry at the time when I lost the shirt, but it's obviously something I just had to accept. I tried buying another one after the show was over and they sold out of my size. Only extra smalls left...bummer. I'm hoping their website might have leftovers eventually. 

The Zheani show was really fun. We were right up front for this one too except this was a really small club. It was Zheani's first ever tour of the U.S. and she gave me the mic for a few lines during my favorite song of hers "Tarantulas". I got a long sleeve, a zine, and a vinyl record of her new album "The Spiritual Meat Grinder". PiX got the same things as I did, except she got a different shirt. 

After the show, we were able to meet and take photos with Zheani. We were both so nervous and starstruck. She thanked me for singing along and complimented PiX's outfit. Absolutely mind-blowing to meet her after admiring her work for so many years.

We slept in my car in a Walmart parking lot using the mattress from our couch. Once we woke up we decided to spend the day in Times Square because we were already in New York. We've been together for almost 7 years now and it was our first real "vacation". This was a more than incredible experience. We'd been to concerts before the pandemic, but this was truly a special outing that I'll never forget :)

I haven't spoken to my mother since early December. Sometimes I feel bad about it, but it's for the best. She's the main source of most of my traumas. She sets off my BPD and my bipolar way too often and sends me into manic frenzies. I've been in a much calmer place mentally and emotionally since I cut her off. Again, I feel bad...but it's for the best. She didn't wish me a happy birthday, and I didn't wish her one either. Today is actually her birthday. 

My dad's birthday was yesterday and I visited him on Saturday. My brother Eric was there with his girlfriend Emma. PiX was too sick to go. They gave us a bunch of vegan snacks, but they made PiX and I sick the next day. We've been trying to cut sugar out of our diets and it was just a total overload eating what they gave us. I hate having to deal with food. Apparently my eating disorder is called "Avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder (ARFID)". That's all I'll say about that. 

PiX has been painting a lot which always makes me happy. I've been working on my own artistic endeavors, but I've successfully avoided speaking on them publicly. You'll know when everyone knows. That's about it for now. I'm going to end this post with a bunch of photos from our trip. 

MINISTRY / GARY NUMAN

(March 18th, 2024)

ZHEANI

(March 19th, 2024)

 

TIMES SQUARE

(March 20th, 2024)

Saturday, October 28th, 2023

I honestly didn't even realize that I had made somewhat of a similar point regarding my drive to continue with the band in my previous post.

I still felt it was necessary as I expanded on the idea, and basically came to a conclusion. 

I'm also very happy with the other topics I covered.

For this post, I would like to begin talking about my battle with mental health issues over the past few years. 

In 2020 I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder after going through a month long partial inpatient program where I learned a lot of dialectical behavioral therapy skills.

I decided to check myself in again around mid-November of this year. This time it was for 5 weeks, and I was diagnosed with not only BPD, but Bipolar disorder as well. A lot of people see "BPD" and think "Bipolar Disorder", but they are in fact two entirely separate diagnoses. Just wanted to clear that up for anyone reading this.

I'm on mood stabilizers now, and I haven't smoked weed since September 2nd, 2023. Coming up on 2 months. A completely unintentional "sober October" if you will.

I realized that smoking all day every day was causing me to act very erratically, and making me extremely reactive to pretty much everything. It also made me stop caring about almost everything in my life. It was, without a doubt, a band-aid for everything I had gone through since 2014. I miss it, but it's pretty well known that it can cause serious instability in people with bipolar disorder. So I had to stop. I'm fairly certain that all of these things combined have a lot to do with why I'm feeling the urge to write about my experiences in life now. I'm a lot more focused, and I know what I want out of life.

I must add that my partner has been the single most supportive person I've ever had in my life. She doesn't put up with my bullshit, but at the same time has the patience of a saint. She isn't a miserable piece of shit like my ex, who only exacerbated my mental illnesses. Not that it's an excuse for not getting help. I just never had the tools or support until now. 

We've both helped each other become better people through our own trials and tribulations. It hasn't been easy by any stretch of the word, but I truly believe that we've both made it to the other side. I just can't express how happy I am to have found her.

I don't want every post on here to have me exposing past traumas, but it will without a doubt happen again. I'm so tempted to go off on a few more tangents about my exes...but I'll leave it at that for now.

Until then, I'm just going to enjoy some music and continue on with my day.