Today I woke up a little after noon. I took my medication right away because I was two hours late taking it.
Tiffany is still asleep, but we were up pretty late last night so I understand.
I feel like my new meds are working, but it could just be a placebo effect right now. Either way, I've been feeling more productive since I started on them.
I had a splitting headache last night though, so I'm just hoping that was mild withdrawals from the meds that I just stopped, and not a reaction to the new meds.
I just wanted to talk a little bit about how grateful I am that my life is so amazing right now.
This time last year, we were living out of a hotel (for 6 months) with a microwave sized refrigerator, all of our belongings in a storage unit, and no vehicle whatsoever. I was continuing my pattern of walking all the way down to the shopping plaza (summer, heat, rain, winter, snow...didn't matter), and carrying all of our groceries back up the hill. I am fairly sure that I wore down the discs between
It was during this time that I realized I am truly alone in the sense that I just have to keep going. I feel incredibly thankful for the people who helped me through some of the more desperate moments of my life from 2018-2021. My friend Nadeen in particular. I have never had a complete stranger just fully believe in me like her. I could have just given up and some part of my brain would have seen being a homeless person as a type of opportunity to live a more fulfilling life, but I knew that wasn't what I wanted out of life...so I just kept repeating the process day after day after day for years.
Then one day in March, after being there since October 1st, 2020, we finally moved into our newly renovated apartment, I got a better vehicle than I EVER thought I would actually own (yes, 100% owned / mine), and my financial situation FINALLY straightened out due to reasons beyond anyone's control.
I actually feel hopeful and positive about the future. I have everything I need right at my fingertips to make new ENERGY music (and just music in general I suppose). My record and CD collection is more organized and expansive than it has ever been. I have been replacing a lot of CDs that had gotten damaged or destroyed throughout my turbulent adolescence in an attempt to reconnect with my inner child. I'm always doing that with music. I know every disc that I owned back in 1999, and I'm just going to keep acquiring them again until the list in my head is empty.
I've also been able to get so many things that are necessary for both Tiffany and I to live artistically fulfilling lives. I feel very good about that. I feel as though I'm "providing" for us in a sense in that way. That's something I NEVER felt in ANY previous relationship I've had in my life. I'm just glad that my partner during this time is someone who actually deserves and will appreciate these types of rewards in life.
I had therapy yesterday. I go twice a week, and I'm currently doing EMDR therapy to help with my C-PTSD. I like my therapist. They don't seem to be casting any type of judgment on me, yet they also don't seem entertained the way most people are by my insane stories. Instead, they seem to want to help me process those memories better. I like that. I hate people who just let me run the show 100% because I just will unless they stop me.
I feel like I'm finally leveling out. Gotta get back into fitness soon though...one step at a time.
As far as today goes: I hope to get what we need at the store with as little stress as possible, and I want Tiffany and I both to do something separately that artistically satisfies us today.
I'm probably gonna just gonna continue hanging out watching YouTube or maybe reading this new book I got until Tiffany wakes up.
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