Why am I the only person on earth that has a brain. People actually wonder why I don't like leaving my apartment. There's a reason I don't hang out with you. Think about that. THERE IS A REASON I DO NOT HANG OUT WITH YOU, yes YOU the reader. haha and watch, no one will comment either cus I made it too awkward. And now that I think of it just so you don't piss me off by being a wise ass and commenting just to spite me, I'm disabling comments for this one post.
But yeah. I don't hang out with you for one reason or another. Some people just because I don't know you maybe? but mostly because I know, that at some point down the line, I will disagree with something about you or do/say/believe/ in so much, that it will piss me off to no end.
During these last 3 days I've never wanted to just stop existing more in my life. Well, not in my life, but as far as the last few years go, it's been the worst. I am the only person I know that makes intelligent decisions. I am never happy. EVER. Why is it that when I break things down for people, they can't seem to bring up any good points to prove me wrong, BUT STILL manage to think they are right, and go about whatever it is they were doing that we were arguing about. Oh that's right because they are idiots. I hate every fucking person I see. I am so full of rage today. I was screaming at the top of my lungs punching shit in my apartment. I had no control over it. As if last night wasn't difficult enough for me to get through. Not talking about the show. Show was good. I'm just going to leave it at that.
There are so many things pissing me off in life right now I feel like my head is going to explode. Why can't people just see a problem, asses it, and solve it. This of course roots back to the obvious "why does this problem exist in the first place? oh that's right YOU'RE A DUMBASS YOU FUCKING IDIOT" No matter what, if you think this is about it, it either could be or couldn't be it's just such a generalization because of how many DIFFERENT things are pissing me off.
I am going to have a nervous breakdown, I am pretty sure I had one last night. and then again today. *EDIT* I just looked it up, yes I did, 2 nervous breakdowns in 24 hours. Actually 3. I am just losing it at the drop of a fucking hat I can't control myself anymore. Whether it be in a fit of furious rage and anger, or just me freaking out in other ways that I won't go into. I don't give a shit what you think of me when you read this. You're the same way. You hide shit all on the inside and wouldn't DARE let anyone else see you in your moments of weakness, or even god forbid.....SEE YOU SHOW REAL HUMAN EMOTION!!!!!!!
FUCK YOU - god dammit I am so mad right now. Don't fucking ask me what this is all about either, I'm just writing this to get it off my mind a little so I don't grind my teeth down the the nerves in my sleep. Everything pisses me off. Every thing about ever person I see.
I went to Al's tonight and got my mind off of things for at least a little bit, but of course even got a little stressed there too. I just can't stop. I wish I could go to sleep forever. I guess I could if I wanted to. Wouldn't it be nice if when you died, it's just like dreaming forever. I'm sure there would still be nightmares actually. Yeah now that I think of it that would suck because all I have is nightmares.
All I do is as Julia puts it "wax philosophical" all day long. I wouldn't do this if everything just made sense. But every single thing that everyone does, doesn't. I know I sound redundant to you, but you ARE a moron to me.
I fear death so much but maybe it wouldn't be so bad. All this stupid bullshit would just cease. OH MAN THAT SOUNDS AWFUL! wouldn't want to have to go a whole day without being aggravated at something someone else did that's dumb, that you would have done a million times better.
I FEEL YOUR FEAR BURNING INTO MY NECK, AS I RUN THIS GAUNTLET OF EYES, THIS GAUNTLET OF LIES.
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