Well as usual I haven't updated in a while. Except this time, I won't even remotely entertain the idea that I'll be updating again any time soon.
My last update was when I saw and met King 810. Since then I've seen Zheani twice and got a band to play with me as ENERGY.
Halloween was nice. It's hard for me to be happy these days.
Nothing is making me feel good. I thought that getting the band back would make me happy, but I dread the activities surrounding it to the point where I'm not even sure that I enjoy being in a band anymore. Of course that could completely change by the end of the day with my insane mood swings. I've been feeling this way since our last show a couple of weeks ago though.
I realized today that I haven't made a single friend in my 30's. I'll be 40 in exactly 3 months. I don't go anywhere except to the grocery store and back. Social outings are a nightmare for me, and I'm not even sure that I want to have friends.
I'm feeling really depressed right now. I hate social media, but it's one of the only ways to distract myself from the horrible feelings inside. I used to smoke weed to fix this, but now I can't.
I'm finally down to a reasonable weight where I don't hate my body (as much). I'm growing my hair back out because I realized that it was a terrible mistake I made. I haven't been this impulsive in my entire life. I hope I'm ok.
I don't have much else to say, I just wanted to document this horrible feeling of depression.
I just want to sleep forever.
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