I've got to stop being so negative and angry for no reason all the time.
I have nothing to really complain about or be mad about.
I wish I could take a class on relaxing and handling situations/daily life.
When I see everyone being happy and normal I seriously get jealous.
I let every single thing bother me so bad, and I complain about everything, and I criticize everything and everyone for everything I see wrong, I need to just tone that shit down, I need to just take in the goodness of everything that happens.
I don't know what's wrong with me
Maybe people DO actually want to get to know me, maybe people DO actually want to hang out and become better friends....maybe I just come across as un-approachable, mean, stuck upor something else bad..
I can assure you that deep down, I am none of those, I'm actually a very nice person and I probably DON'T hate you.....
Seems like I'm going back on what I said in a recent post but u know....maybe I'M the asshole, maybe JUST MAYBE its ME and not everyone else......
Thank you for reading this
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Jun. 21st, 2007 at 7:15 AM
I've realized, that no one gives a shit about me, not NO ONE literally but just most people I am acquainted with. I don't minwd though because I don't give a shit about them. Everyone sucks. No one makes any attempts to contact me when I'm gone, I have a phone, I have a sidekick, yet the only IMs or texts or calls I get, are from julia or my family....no exaggerations. Everyone else with me right now calls people, people call them, because they miss/are missed by people....no one misses me, except Julia and my family, and I consider her my family at this point seeing as we started going out 5 years ago last week..... so just my family.
I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad because, well, I don't miss you. I could never see you again and be fine with it. Call me cold, I don't care. Call me selfish, I don't care. There's a reason we aren't ACTUALLY friends.... I will continue to go through life still being nice to you....but for your own knowledge just know, that if I never saw you again, it wouldn't phase me. If you died, it wouldn't personally phase me, I wouldn't be glad you were gone, it just wouldn't affect me.
I have nothing in common with you. Oh you like certain bands? Cool....me too......later.
Everyone I know goes and hangs out with people and does stuff.......no one calls me, no one cares, I don't call anyone, no one hangs out with me. I don't hang out with anyone. No one cares. When people run into me(by accident) its OH HEY TANK WHAT'S UP? And that's it, no one asks me to do anything no one cares.....and I don't care to do anything with anyone.
There's no point in me doing this I'm just stating all of this because I want to write it.....I never want to get close to you. I'm just publicly stating an observation I made. I don't want to hang out with you, so even if you tried, I wouldn't.
I hate everyone, and I might as well not exist to anyone else. No one back home misses me. NO ONE. You aren't my friend. No matter what you think, you aren't.
I meet strangers on the road and talk to them more than ill EVER talk to you. Because I don't know them and they don't know me. I don't want to be friends with any of the strangers I meet, but it just goes to show how little the people I KNOW, actually care.
I just can't explain in words how much I hate everyone.
Don't try to fucking talk to me after reading this either ill just ignore you.. If you want to think its because I think I'm better than you or anyone.......go for it, I don't give a fuck.
Were all just going to die anyways, and the fact that I write this, and the fact that you read it wil NEVER mater to ANYONE EVER.
Fuck You
I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad because, well, I don't miss you. I could never see you again and be fine with it. Call me cold, I don't care. Call me selfish, I don't care. There's a reason we aren't ACTUALLY friends.... I will continue to go through life still being nice to you....but for your own knowledge just know, that if I never saw you again, it wouldn't phase me. If you died, it wouldn't personally phase me, I wouldn't be glad you were gone, it just wouldn't affect me.
I have nothing in common with you. Oh you like certain bands? Cool....me too......later.
Everyone I know goes and hangs out with people and does stuff.......no one calls me, no one cares, I don't call anyone, no one hangs out with me. I don't hang out with anyone. No one cares. When people run into me(by accident) its OH HEY TANK WHAT'S UP? And that's it, no one asks me to do anything no one cares.....and I don't care to do anything with anyone.
There's no point in me doing this I'm just stating all of this because I want to write it.....I never want to get close to you. I'm just publicly stating an observation I made. I don't want to hang out with you, so even if you tried, I wouldn't.
I hate everyone, and I might as well not exist to anyone else. No one back home misses me. NO ONE. You aren't my friend. No matter what you think, you aren't.
I meet strangers on the road and talk to them more than ill EVER talk to you. Because I don't know them and they don't know me. I don't want to be friends with any of the strangers I meet, but it just goes to show how little the people I KNOW, actually care.
I just can't explain in words how much I hate everyone.
Don't try to fucking talk to me after reading this either ill just ignore you.. If you want to think its because I think I'm better than you or anyone.......go for it, I don't give a fuck.
Were all just going to die anyways, and the fact that I write this, and the fact that you read it wil NEVER mater to ANYONE EVER.
Fuck You
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Jun. 14th, 2007 2:35 AM
Well............it's that time again.
Time to tour.
I can't take it I'm going to miss Julia so much, I don't even get to see her enough as it is. Everyone probably thinks that's all I do cus I don't do anything, I must just hang out with her all the time but...no, no I never see her, never mind do we get to spend time alone. She's always working to pay for us to live. And when she does come home she either goes right to bed or I'm busy doing something. It sucks. I hope we get to spend at least one day together before I leave Sunday, I'm shooting for 2. I see everyone else that I want to enough that it wouldn't be so bad if I didn't see them again before I left. No one I know has been there for me like she has(even though we've gone through our share of hard times), no one has done as much as she has, she's just the best and I'm going to miss her more than anything. Like today, I didn't even do anything until when she got home at like 9:00 I was at my grandmother's until 10:30, so I get home and she goes to bed, I really only see her for like a half an hour every day...and now I'm not even going to be able to have THAT once I'm on the road... :(
Other than me missing her, tour will be great, Josh will be coming with us, we'll be running and working out all the time, great weather, I get to play every single night, I'll see a bunch of new places I've never been to(including the western states), a bunch of new shirts, we have our new 3 song cd sampler....
which by the way, came out awesome, I've never been more proud of any recording. I love the lyrics I used, I love the melodies, Joe and Chris Curran helped out a lot with production and whatnot, overall it was just awesome recording with him. I have been listening to it all the time. It's definitely something I would go out and buy if I weren't in the band....I just can't wait to get the final versions back and have them up on the Myspace and be able to hand them out to people....It's a pretty drastic change of sound for us but....This is how I've always wanted Energy to sound like - This is the type of band I want to be in - and I am finally happy with the band's sound.
As far as things that I will be looking forward to coming home to goes:
I will be with Julia, and we will get to watch the season premiere of the office together :) which makes me happy cus I know how much she loves that show.
And we will be moving out of our apartment in like august or September or something and moving into North Stoughton Village. That place is so nice, the apartments there are like 3 times the size of the one we live in now and it's barely any more money. The place has a trash shoot inside the building so if we want to take out the trash not only do we not have to go outside but we can just walk down the hall in our pajamas and do it. There's just a lot more little things like that that make the place awesome so it'll be great once that time of year comes....but until then, we'll just have to let time pass.
Time passing....we always look forward to things, and want it to be that much further into the future....but we are never happy with right now, we've always got something in the works. It's kind of stupid if you think about it. I should just enjoy the fact that it's NOT that far into the future, and that I still have those months of my live ahead of me to LIVE. I shouldn't just keep looking forward to seeing Julia, I should be excited that it's inevitable that I WILL see her, and be ecstatic with the fact that I have all this time to live, see the country, experience things, and just see tomorrow.
Like Henry Rollins once said, "That's the only break you get, you get to live tomorrow, you get to go on, you get to move forward, and it might not seem like much, but for me, right now, it's all I'm hangin' on to, and it's all I've got goin', and it's all I'm gonna stick with."
I think that that is what I should stick with for this summer, if not, for the rest of my life.
Time to tour.
I can't take it I'm going to miss Julia so much, I don't even get to see her enough as it is. Everyone probably thinks that's all I do cus I don't do anything, I must just hang out with her all the time but...no, no I never see her, never mind do we get to spend time alone. She's always working to pay for us to live. And when she does come home she either goes right to bed or I'm busy doing something. It sucks. I hope we get to spend at least one day together before I leave Sunday, I'm shooting for 2. I see everyone else that I want to enough that it wouldn't be so bad if I didn't see them again before I left. No one I know has been there for me like she has(even though we've gone through our share of hard times), no one has done as much as she has, she's just the best and I'm going to miss her more than anything. Like today, I didn't even do anything until when she got home at like 9:00 I was at my grandmother's until 10:30, so I get home and she goes to bed, I really only see her for like a half an hour every day...and now I'm not even going to be able to have THAT once I'm on the road... :(
Other than me missing her, tour will be great, Josh will be coming with us, we'll be running and working out all the time, great weather, I get to play every single night, I'll see a bunch of new places I've never been to(including the western states), a bunch of new shirts, we have our new 3 song cd sampler....
which by the way, came out awesome, I've never been more proud of any recording. I love the lyrics I used, I love the melodies, Joe and Chris Curran helped out a lot with production and whatnot, overall it was just awesome recording with him. I have been listening to it all the time. It's definitely something I would go out and buy if I weren't in the band....I just can't wait to get the final versions back and have them up on the Myspace and be able to hand them out to people....It's a pretty drastic change of sound for us but....This is how I've always wanted Energy to sound like - This is the type of band I want to be in - and I am finally happy with the band's sound.
As far as things that I will be looking forward to coming home to goes:
I will be with Julia, and we will get to watch the season premiere of the office together :) which makes me happy cus I know how much she loves that show.
And we will be moving out of our apartment in like august or September or something and moving into North Stoughton Village. That place is so nice, the apartments there are like 3 times the size of the one we live in now and it's barely any more money. The place has a trash shoot inside the building so if we want to take out the trash not only do we not have to go outside but we can just walk down the hall in our pajamas and do it. There's just a lot more little things like that that make the place awesome so it'll be great once that time of year comes....but until then, we'll just have to let time pass.
Time passing....we always look forward to things, and want it to be that much further into the future....but we are never happy with right now, we've always got something in the works. It's kind of stupid if you think about it. I should just enjoy the fact that it's NOT that far into the future, and that I still have those months of my live ahead of me to LIVE. I shouldn't just keep looking forward to seeing Julia, I should be excited that it's inevitable that I WILL see her, and be ecstatic with the fact that I have all this time to live, see the country, experience things, and just see tomorrow.
Like Henry Rollins once said, "That's the only break you get, you get to live tomorrow, you get to go on, you get to move forward, and it might not seem like much, but for me, right now, it's all I'm hangin' on to, and it's all I've got goin', and it's all I'm gonna stick with."
I think that that is what I should stick with for this summer, if not, for the rest of my life.
Monday, June 4, 2007
Jun. 4th, 2007 at 3:40 PM
Well, yesterday I got tattooed, and today I got my pants in the mail....and didn't pay for either
Not bad.
Today me and the Duck are going to look at a new apartment in Stoughton(I will be wearing my newly acquired pants) that should be fun.
I have to write lyrics to the chorus of the newest Energy song before Thursday because.....Thursday we are going into WERS Radiobeat studio to record a live set that will air at 1AM THIS Saturday 6/9, and we will be playing 2 brand new songs.....and a few surprises :) :) :)
Not bad.
Today me and the Duck are going to look at a new apartment in Stoughton(I will be wearing my newly acquired pants) that should be fun.
I have to write lyrics to the chorus of the newest Energy song before Thursday because.....Thursday we are going into WERS Radiobeat studio to record a live set that will air at 1AM THIS Saturday 6/9, and we will be playing 2 brand new songs.....and a few surprises :) :) :)
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