Conor could say "that's stupid if he's out then I'm out". In which case we would have to say "so be it" he could say "yeah he clearly doesn't fit in with us as a whole" and it could be easy as that. As you can see this is a very tricky situation. I'd imagine this is sort of what it's like breaking it off with a girl(something I've never done). Spending a whole lot of time worrying about what they'll say in response, how they'll take it, etc etc. Keith knows all of this is happening but we assured him that since it is not his problem, it will remain that way.
We all have a feeling Conor's days are numbered in this band. It sucks, but again we need to be a family, and if he's not willing to at least make an attempt, then how can we get rid of Flaherty for the reasons we are, without addressing the issues with Conor also. It would be unfair and wouldn't make a whole lot of sense. Now, I know that I will catch most of the shit for this, everyone will be pointing the finger at me as usual saying "I knew he wouldn't be happy until he was the only original member left" or "what an asshole, who does he think he is" or any of those outsider comments from uninformed people who are speaking on matters that do not pertain to them directly. But that's fine, because I know that every single decision made towards keeping or not keeping a member of this band has been a group decision. I am just going to have to learn to accept the fact that people will automatically point the finger at me, there must just be something about my face that makes people think I am a bad person. In all honesty, I hope that Conor and Flaherty leaving the band only makes me closer to them, and I hope it becomes apparent that we are now better friends because of them leaving. And that it in fact saved any hope of there being a friendship between us. I have a feeling though that this will not be the case. I have a feeling that not only them, but other mutual friends will hold a grudge against me. Whatever. In order for me and the rest of the band to be truly happy, and really for Conor and Justin to ultimately be happy, this has to be done. Conor is a great bass player and will have no problem finding a band to play in with people that he can be friends with in it. Justin is an amazing drummer, and shouldn't have any problems finding another band to start. He has the ability to write poppy punk songs in their entirety, (guitar bass and drums) and he seems to enjoy bands like that far more than bands like the one he's playing in, so it will all work out for the better, I'm sure of that, its just going to be a really bumpy road on the way there.
I'm sitting backstage right now, the venue looks pretty good, big stage, what I think is OK sound, I don't trust my own ears though, only Joe's and Mike's and Mike isn't here. I'm starving, I didn't eat last night because it was just rice and sauce and it looked like vomit. I didn't eat the night before that either, for whatever reason I can't remember. I've just been drinking soy milk I've had saved and eating pudding and fruit. It's been rough not eating so much over here, but I have a feeling that this whole trip will earn me not only a greater appreciation for the things I have at home, but it will give me an even greater appreciation for touring in the United States. It's Friday, and Monday I will be home in Stoughton, MA.
The show tonight was good, I felt that good feeling I get after a good set rush through me after we played, so I know it was good. Mike from Slapshot took some pictures of our set, he's going to email them to me. Maybe I can post them with this update. I don't see why not. Me and Joe went for a decent walk today, but nothing was open. On this walk I discovered that Joe had never heard "Liar" by The Rollins Band. That caught me by surprise because that's usually the first and/or only song people know, and he owns Life Time and The End Of Silence, and has heard other songs. It just struck me as odd and I felt it would be worth mentioning.
Also today is our last day in the bus because we're firing the bus company and driving in a van for the last day, and to the airport. Apparently the bus company has been really hard to get in contact with and there have been many complaints made by our tour manager Ronaldo, with little to no response, so I guess Slapshot is just saying "fuck it" and not paying them at all and using vans for the last 2 days. Good for them, if it all works out according to plan that is. Tonight was my third consecutive night with no dinner. I had a banana, some pretzels, an orange, and some soy milk throughout the day but that's it. I could really just go for a good hot meal. I guess I could be eating if I truly had to because the food is there, but I really hate a lot of food, and ever since I was young, I've always been afraid to try new foods, and for someone like this to be stuck in Europe with only one promised meal a day...this sucks. I wish I wasn't like this with food. It's not that I don't eat healthy, because I do, when I'm home, it's just that I don't like eating too wide of a variety of food. I really would like to change this though. I tried couscous and it wasn't that bad, and in California I tried some tofu/bean dish at California Vegan on Sunset Boulevard. I'd like to think that I'm at least trying, but for some reason I really haven't wanted to these last few days. What I really want is to just go home, eat some Town Spa Pizza, and be with Julia. My mom told me that when I get home, it will be one day allowing for jet lag, which is Tuesday, and the next day will be me and Julia's day where we're renting a motel (maybe a hotel, if Julia wants to pitch in some?) and then Thursday will be dedicated to setting up the Christmas tree at my mom's house with Julia. I can't wait. Its going to be so nice putting up the tree and watching Christmas movies with the fireplace going, and of course, as our annual tradition goes...have Town Spa Pizza. Just thinking about it actually just made my stomach growl.