Hello,
Today I woke up having to use the bathroom, so I went downstairs and did, I then went back to my bunk to realize it is soaking wet in one spot...did I wet the bed? No, I look up, and water
Today I woke up having to use the bathroom, so I went downstairs and did, I then went back to my bunk to realize it is soaking wet in one spot...did I wet the bed? No, I look up, and water
is leaking in from the ceiling onto my bed from all the snow because there is an emergency exit hatch right above my bunk. My bunk of course being the only bunk with a giant opening above it, only welcomes all this water into my bed. So I have been up since 11:30 am here, its now 1:45 I believe. So I've just been up reading A Dull Roar by Henry Rollins ever since then. That's probably not the worst thing though, maybe waking up, getting a good read in, and starting in early on a new day will be good for me.
Oh yeah by the way, its been a while since I've updated. I am still in Europe, I think the reason that I haven't updated much was because of how miserable and depressed I have been. I didn't want to make it seem like all I was doing was complaining, so I didn't update because all that has been going through my mind these past 2 weeks has been misery and loneliness. I will try and recall each night and give a run through of it all. I will have to ask someone slight details about each night to refresh my memory, because all the nights have blurred together in my mind.
Keith is going to be the new drummer for Energy, I feel terrible about having to come home and tell Justin that he has to leave the band, but it only makes sense. He is a great kid, he's just not on the same page as Joe, Dan and I are. I think he knows that. I think everyone knows that. It is completely unfair to him and there was no specific instance to spark this either which is what makes it that much harder. As a matter of fact, he has repeatedly made attempts to become better friends with us, but unfortunately the chemistry is not there, and for us, that is an extremely large part of coexisting in a band. I basically judge it by the walks we go on. If someone fits, they will come on the long extensive walks that the 3 of us(Joe Dan and I) will go on. Once we start feeling that we'd prefer someone sit out the walks on a regular basis, then we know something, somewhere has to change, because if we're in this together, we need to be truly in this together as one unit, as a family. None of us know how we're going to go about telling him, but it has to be done.
Now, another problem on our hands is Conor.
Conor has been a hard person to get along with for a while now. Years actually. Im not going to sit here and bad mouth him, but everyone else in the band feels the way I do so its not just me. Plus, Joe brought up a good point in the grocery store earlier today. He said something along the lines of "you've been with Julia how long?" I said "almost 7 years now" he said "its clearly not a matter of you having a problem keeping people involved in your life." What he said makes sense because in no way do I intend to remove Joe, Dan, and soon Keith from the band, and I would never want to remove Julia from my life, in fact I want to include Julia in my band life, and include my band in my personal life by being as close of friends with them as I can be. Conor makes no effort to be any of our friends. As a matter of fact, me and him used to be somewhat of good friends before the band, then the band started, and as anyone that was around during that point in time will tell you, something changed. Conor stopped hanging out on a regular basis, and we only saw him when it was time for band stuff. I don't know what happened. We don't know what happened. No one knows what happened. But what we do all know is, that this issue has to be addressed immediately. We have not brought up kicking Justin out to Conor yet, because of many reasons. One of them being that they seem to be best friends. Another reason is that Conor has made himself so unapproachable, that we have to figure out a game plan as to how to go about talking to him about this. We have mixed predictions. We think it could go 2 different ways.
Oh yeah by the way, its been a while since I've updated. I am still in Europe, I think the reason that I haven't updated much was because of how miserable and depressed I have been. I didn't want to make it seem like all I was doing was complaining, so I didn't update because all that has been going through my mind these past 2 weeks has been misery and loneliness. I will try and recall each night and give a run through of it all. I will have to ask someone slight details about each night to refresh my memory, because all the nights have blurred together in my mind.
Keith is going to be the new drummer for Energy, I feel terrible about having to come home and tell Justin that he has to leave the band, but it only makes sense. He is a great kid, he's just not on the same page as Joe, Dan and I are. I think he knows that. I think everyone knows that. It is completely unfair to him and there was no specific instance to spark this either which is what makes it that much harder. As a matter of fact, he has repeatedly made attempts to become better friends with us, but unfortunately the chemistry is not there, and for us, that is an extremely large part of coexisting in a band. I basically judge it by the walks we go on. If someone fits, they will come on the long extensive walks that the 3 of us(Joe Dan and I) will go on. Once we start feeling that we'd prefer someone sit out the walks on a regular basis, then we know something, somewhere has to change, because if we're in this together, we need to be truly in this together as one unit, as a family. None of us know how we're going to go about telling him, but it has to be done.
Now, another problem on our hands is Conor.
Conor has been a hard person to get along with for a while now. Years actually. Im not going to sit here and bad mouth him, but everyone else in the band feels the way I do so its not just me. Plus, Joe brought up a good point in the grocery store earlier today. He said something along the lines of "you've been with Julia how long?" I said "almost 7 years now" he said "its clearly not a matter of you having a problem keeping people involved in your life." What he said makes sense because in no way do I intend to remove Joe, Dan, and soon Keith from the band, and I would never want to remove Julia from my life, in fact I want to include Julia in my band life, and include my band in my personal life by being as close of friends with them as I can be. Conor makes no effort to be any of our friends. As a matter of fact, me and him used to be somewhat of good friends before the band, then the band started, and as anyone that was around during that point in time will tell you, something changed. Conor stopped hanging out on a regular basis, and we only saw him when it was time for band stuff. I don't know what happened. We don't know what happened. No one knows what happened. But what we do all know is, that this issue has to be addressed immediately. We have not brought up kicking Justin out to Conor yet, because of many reasons. One of them being that they seem to be best friends. Another reason is that Conor has made himself so unapproachable, that we have to figure out a game plan as to how to go about talking to him about this. We have mixed predictions. We think it could go 2 different ways.
Conor could say "that's stupid if he's out then I'm out". In which case we would have to say "so be it" he could say "yeah he clearly doesn't fit in with us as a whole" and it could be easy as that. As you can see this is a very tricky situation. I'd imagine this is sort of what it's like breaking it off with a girl(something I've never done). Spending a whole lot of time worrying about what they'll say in response, how they'll take it, etc etc. Keith knows all of this is happening but we assured him that since it is not his problem, it will remain that way.
We all have a feeling Conor's days are numbered in this band. It sucks, but again we need to be a family, and if he's not willing to at least make an attempt, then how can we get rid of Flaherty for the reasons we are, without addressing the issues with Conor also. It would be unfair and wouldn't make a whole lot of sense. Now, I know that I will catch most of the shit for this, everyone will be pointing the finger at me as usual saying "I knew he wouldn't be happy until he was the only original member left" or "what an asshole, who does he think he is" or any of those outsider comments from uninformed people who are speaking on matters that do not pertain to them directly. But that's fine, because I know that every single decision made towards keeping or not keeping a member of this band has been a group decision. I am just going to have to learn to accept the fact that people will automatically point the finger at me, there must just be something about my face that makes people think I am a bad person. In all honesty, I hope that Conor and Flaherty leaving the band only makes me closer to them, and I hope it becomes apparent that we are now better friends because of them leaving. And that it in fact saved any hope of there being a friendship between us. I have a feeling though that this will not be the case. I have a feeling that not only them, but other mutual friends will hold a grudge against me. Whatever. In order for me and the rest of the band to be truly happy, and really for Conor and Justin to ultimately be happy, this has to be done. Conor is a great bass player and will have no problem finding a band to play in with people that he can be friends with in it. Justin is an amazing drummer, and shouldn't have any problems finding another band to start. He has the ability to write poppy punk songs in their entirety, (guitar bass and drums) and he seems to enjoy bands like that far more than bands like the one he's playing in, so it will all work out for the better, I'm sure of that, its just going to be a really bumpy road on the way there.
I'm sitting backstage right now, the venue looks pretty good, big stage, what I think is OK sound, I don't trust my own ears though, only Joe's and Mike's and Mike isn't here. I'm starving, I didn't eat last night because it was just rice and sauce and it looked like vomit. I didn't eat the night before that either, for whatever reason I can't remember. I've just been drinking soy milk I've had saved and eating pudding and fruit. It's been rough not eating so much over here, but I have a feeling that this whole trip will earn me not only a greater appreciation for the things I have at home, but it will give me an even greater appreciation for touring in the United States. It's Friday, and Monday I will be home in Stoughton, MA.
The show tonight was good, I felt that good feeling I get after a good set rush through me after we played, so I know it was good. Mike from Slapshot took some pictures of our set, he's going to email them to me. Maybe I can post them with this update. I don't see why not. Me and Joe went for a decent walk today, but nothing was open. On this walk I discovered that Joe had never heard "Liar" by The Rollins Band. That caught me by surprise because that's usually the first and/or only song people know, and he owns Life Time and The End Of Silence, and has heard other songs. It just struck me as odd and I felt it would be worth mentioning.
Also today is our last day in the bus because we're firing the bus company and driving in a van for the last day, and to the airport. Apparently the bus company has been really hard to get in contact with and there have been many complaints made by our tour manager Ronaldo, with little to no response, so I guess Slapshot is just saying "fuck it" and not paying them at all and using vans for the last 2 days. Good for them, if it all works out according to plan that is. Tonight was my third consecutive night with no dinner. I had a banana, some pretzels, an orange, and some soy milk throughout the day but that's it. I could really just go for a good hot meal. I guess I could be eating if I truly had to because the food is there, but I really hate a lot of food, and ever since I was young, I've always been afraid to try new foods, and for someone like this to be stuck in Europe with only one promised meal a day...this sucks. I wish I wasn't like this with food. It's not that I don't eat healthy, because I do, when I'm home, it's just that I don't like eating too wide of a variety of food. I really would like to change this though. I tried couscous and it wasn't that bad, and in California I tried some tofu/bean dish at California Vegan on Sunset Boulevard. I'd like to think that I'm at least trying, but for some reason I really haven't wanted to these last few days. What I really want is to just go home, eat some Town Spa Pizza, and be with Julia. My mom told me that when I get home, it will be one day allowing for jet lag, which is Tuesday, and the next day will be me and Julia's day where we're renting a motel (maybe a hotel, if Julia wants to pitch in some?) and then Thursday will be dedicated to setting up the Christmas tree at my mom's house with Julia. I can't wait. Its going to be so nice putting up the tree and watching Christmas movies with the fireplace going, and of course, as our annual tradition goes...have Town Spa Pizza. Just thinking about it actually just made my stomach growl.
We all have a feeling Conor's days are numbered in this band. It sucks, but again we need to be a family, and if he's not willing to at least make an attempt, then how can we get rid of Flaherty for the reasons we are, without addressing the issues with Conor also. It would be unfair and wouldn't make a whole lot of sense. Now, I know that I will catch most of the shit for this, everyone will be pointing the finger at me as usual saying "I knew he wouldn't be happy until he was the only original member left" or "what an asshole, who does he think he is" or any of those outsider comments from uninformed people who are speaking on matters that do not pertain to them directly. But that's fine, because I know that every single decision made towards keeping or not keeping a member of this band has been a group decision. I am just going to have to learn to accept the fact that people will automatically point the finger at me, there must just be something about my face that makes people think I am a bad person. In all honesty, I hope that Conor and Flaherty leaving the band only makes me closer to them, and I hope it becomes apparent that we are now better friends because of them leaving. And that it in fact saved any hope of there being a friendship between us. I have a feeling though that this will not be the case. I have a feeling that not only them, but other mutual friends will hold a grudge against me. Whatever. In order for me and the rest of the band to be truly happy, and really for Conor and Justin to ultimately be happy, this has to be done. Conor is a great bass player and will have no problem finding a band to play in with people that he can be friends with in it. Justin is an amazing drummer, and shouldn't have any problems finding another band to start. He has the ability to write poppy punk songs in their entirety, (guitar bass and drums) and he seems to enjoy bands like that far more than bands like the one he's playing in, so it will all work out for the better, I'm sure of that, its just going to be a really bumpy road on the way there.
I'm sitting backstage right now, the venue looks pretty good, big stage, what I think is OK sound, I don't trust my own ears though, only Joe's and Mike's and Mike isn't here. I'm starving, I didn't eat last night because it was just rice and sauce and it looked like vomit. I didn't eat the night before that either, for whatever reason I can't remember. I've just been drinking soy milk I've had saved and eating pudding and fruit. It's been rough not eating so much over here, but I have a feeling that this whole trip will earn me not only a greater appreciation for the things I have at home, but it will give me an even greater appreciation for touring in the United States. It's Friday, and Monday I will be home in Stoughton, MA.
The show tonight was good, I felt that good feeling I get after a good set rush through me after we played, so I know it was good. Mike from Slapshot took some pictures of our set, he's going to email them to me. Maybe I can post them with this update. I don't see why not. Me and Joe went for a decent walk today, but nothing was open. On this walk I discovered that Joe had never heard "Liar" by The Rollins Band. That caught me by surprise because that's usually the first and/or only song people know, and he owns Life Time and The End Of Silence, and has heard other songs. It just struck me as odd and I felt it would be worth mentioning.
Also today is our last day in the bus because we're firing the bus company and driving in a van for the last day, and to the airport. Apparently the bus company has been really hard to get in contact with and there have been many complaints made by our tour manager Ronaldo, with little to no response, so I guess Slapshot is just saying "fuck it" and not paying them at all and using vans for the last 2 days. Good for them, if it all works out according to plan that is. Tonight was my third consecutive night with no dinner. I had a banana, some pretzels, an orange, and some soy milk throughout the day but that's it. I could really just go for a good hot meal. I guess I could be eating if I truly had to because the food is there, but I really hate a lot of food, and ever since I was young, I've always been afraid to try new foods, and for someone like this to be stuck in Europe with only one promised meal a day...this sucks. I wish I wasn't like this with food. It's not that I don't eat healthy, because I do, when I'm home, it's just that I don't like eating too wide of a variety of food. I really would like to change this though. I tried couscous and it wasn't that bad, and in California I tried some tofu/bean dish at California Vegan on Sunset Boulevard. I'd like to think that I'm at least trying, but for some reason I really haven't wanted to these last few days. What I really want is to just go home, eat some Town Spa Pizza, and be with Julia. My mom told me that when I get home, it will be one day allowing for jet lag, which is Tuesday, and the next day will be me and Julia's day where we're renting a motel (maybe a hotel, if Julia wants to pitch in some?) and then Thursday will be dedicated to setting up the Christmas tree at my mom's house with Julia. I can't wait. Its going to be so nice putting up the tree and watching Christmas movies with the fireplace going, and of course, as our annual tradition goes...have Town Spa Pizza. Just thinking about it actually just made my stomach growl.
My mom's boyfriend, Jim, got laid off from his job which means my mom is worried about money. I know that since she's a responsible adult, they will be fine. I just can't help but selfishly wonder if she's still getting me a MacBook. I guess its better this way, it adds to the surprise element of the gift. I'd prefer it this way honestly. It kind of makes me feel like I'm a kid again. Henry Rollins mentioned in the book I'm reading something along the lines of "all I need is an empty room with a notebook, a computer, and speakers to play music through." I was thinking about how a MacBook is all 3 of those in one plus some. It has a recording studio in it with a drum machine as well. Assuming that I am getting one, I can't wait. We play the Persistence Tour tomorrow. I think we're playing early in the day, maybe around 3 pm. Which means I will probably not get any sleep but that's OK, as long as I can push through the set, I will be happy because I know that there is only 1 more show to go. It will also be cool to see H2o again seeing as they are playing relatively early in the lineup as well. After the show, I'm pretty sure the plan is that we are driving to a hotel and staying there, then waking up, driving to the last show which is a matinee show I believe (it would make sense seeing as it's a Sunday) and then we're driving to the airport to fly to Philadelphia and then to Boston. Our flight leaves Frankfurt at 12:45pm and we arrive in Philadelphia at 3:50pm. There is a 2 hour and 25 minute layover, and then we leave Philadelphia at 6:15pm to arrive in Boston at 7:49pm, where Julia will be waiting for me with Eric and Josh. It will be so great to see them after such an extensive absence. We are all going to Town Spa straight from the airport too. There is just so much to look forward to that I have a feeling the next 2 days will drag by so slowly because, in my head, I want them to already be over so badly. I have decided not to switch bunks mainly because I don't want to talk to anyone anymore than I already have to, and I'd obviously have to bring it up to someone to initiate the switch, so I'm just going to sleep in wet bunk, whatever. I should probably actually go to sleep now, seeing as it's 3am and I am probably going to have to
be onstage, warmed up, and ready to go in 12 hours.
Goodnight.
Goodnight.
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