Apr. 19th, 2007 at 5:40 AM

Today I woke up, got Eric in JP, went to my dads, picked up Julia at her work, went back to my apartment, Josh came, drove me and Eric to the show. Then we came back, Julia was asleep, then me,Eric, and Rendini went to Route 44/Wal-Mart/JP, then I dropped Rendini off, then I came home and here I am, This has been the most eventful day by FAR in a long time....


Nothing is fun, I get more and more bitter with each passing day, I don't even WANT to leave my apartment, and I don't even want people to come over, I like staying up all night,doing nothing, waking up seeing Julia, spending time with her, going out to eat and watching movies etc, and going to the gym with Josh, and that's it. If I could do that for the rest of my life, I would. 

I hate going to shows.

I hate going places.

I hate everything about EVERYONE.

Apr. 14th, 2007 at 6:24 AM

it's 6:30 am, I've been up since 1:15 yesterday when Josh knocked on my door to wake me up. I stayed up all night and taped a Henry Rollins spoken word performance that was on IFC that I don't have on dvd. Then I taped "House of 1,000 Corpses" 

Henry Rollins has accomplished a lot in his life so far. He has put out like 4 dozen cds of music with State of Alert, Black Flag, and the Rollins band, toured the world doing spoken word shows, put out like a dozen spoken word cds, and wrote a few dozen books. He also has his own show on IFC every week, and it's doing pretty well. I hope someday I can look back at my life and know that I got my shit together, did shit for myself, and am genuinely pleased with all of my life's accomplishments. I have put out 1 music cd, I am 22 years old, working on my 2nd(and 3rd if you count the COTN album I'm working on) I would like to get more into writing. Without a doubt, I hope to write at least one book in my lifetime. as far as spoken word goes....that would be challenging for me because I have a hard enough time talking to anyone about anything, but isn't that all the more reason to strive for something? But anyways, that's a real stretch in regards to the spoken word thing, I'd wouldn't mind doing that sort of thing but...yeah. And who the hell DOESN'T want their own show? But again, not something I'm aiming for. He also acted in a bunch of small roles in movies here and there(which I would jump at the opportunity),hell I would go as far as to say that if I had the budget to work with, I'd try and write a horror movie.

But the truth is, I have a really, really, hard time sitting down and reading/writing anything. Even these livejournal updates are something I have to focus, and tell myself "ok it's time to do this". I don't know what it is. My mind is always racing with thoughts, worries, ideas, etc. yet, nothing ever really comes of it, I never take 10 minutes out of a day to relax either...think about that for a minute.
Someone who doesn't work, and doesn't hang out ANYWHERE, other than his apartment, never just sits down and relaxes(picks up a book, turns on the tv...anything),NOR does he ever get anything constructive accomplished(writing,reading, etc.)....there's something wrong with that picture. I'd like to know how I could change all of this. 

But clearly, it's just a matter of self-discipline, as most things in life are. You just have to one day say "this is what I want, and I'm going to do anything, and everything it takes to get what I want."

I faced a lot of criticism about my whole "working" situation over a year ago..."what about your car payments, your apartment you have to pay for, what about this what about that?!" And since I knew..."what I want is to NOT be tied down by anything" I did everything it took to get what I wanted...and I succeeded. 

On another note though, I DO need to get a job, now don't take that the wrong way, I don't need bills that I'm going to depend on a job for, I just need a job for some extra cash because, let's face it, when everything you want(food,tattoos,dvds,band merch...the list goes on.) costs money, and you don't work, you end up missing out on a lot. Not to mention the fact that Julia works WELL over 40 hours a week(between her TWO jobs...her full-time 40 hour a week job, and her part time random hours she works for my mom) for the apartment,her car, her and my cell phones, cable, phone bill, her Dell bill(which she doesn't use because her laptop has been destroyed due to water damage for a while now) to pay back Josh's dad for all the work he did on her car, pay back her mom for a ton of shit(not to mention food,gas,etc.)....and just plain pay for me to live....yeah I'd say it's pretty shitty that when I'm home from tour I can't just mentally, get my shit together enough to get a part time job somewhere just to at least give us some money to EAT more than once a day, and when we eat have it be something besides 99 cent food items....33 dollars a week for 2 ADULTS is NOT EVEN CLOSE to enough money for food.

Overall, I am just not happy with myself, and how I let each day go by without, calling my mom and resolving that problem, calling my dad so he doesn't think I hate him, getting a job, writing lyrics for the new energy album, and pretty much everything else in this entry.

I guess that's all I have to say for now, I can't even believe I got my shit together enough to write this entry, that's how pathetic I am.

Apr. 12th, 2007

haven't updated in a little bit so yeah.

I've been sitting around a lot. Me and Josh started the "300" workout, I have come home dead both times so far, definitely intense. My throat has been bothering me a lot lately, not sure what it is, but seems like every time I go to mike rendini's house to record it hurts for a few days...weird. I'm nervous about it, maybe it's just because I never warm up before I go there...idk.

New sticker design?

Pete made that, once we get a definite domain name for the website(for some reason the order for thisenergy.com got cancelled.) we'll put that on the bottom and hopefully make a sticker design out of that.

Show this Friday at the Stoughton V&M Bowling Alley...Energy's first Stoughton show, come out and have fun...

yeah that's about it.

Apr. 3rd, 2007 5:33 AM

Just got back from Mike's house we finished recording a new Children Of The Night song "Route 44" it came out good. It's inspired by the story of how sometimes if you drive on Route 44 in Taunton when it's raining, some people have seen a lady dressed in red dancing in the rain, and once you see her she tries to get in your car. If you try and just drive away she chases after you at almost inhuman speed and disappears just as she's about to reach you. If you let her in your car, she disappears once she's in. Marc Mission has SWORN that he wasn't lying when he told me that he actually saw her and she chased after the car he was in (full car of people who say this is true as well) He said they were driving through the area and someone brought up the story and then they actually saw her and they all freaked out and turned the car around and she started chasing after them. - I have gone there while it was raining on more than one occasion, but I have yet to see her. One time there was a HUGE deer standing in the middle of the road that I didn't see until the last minute and swerved out of the way, and another time a "figure" in red actually ran by my car from behind, and that freaked me out pretty bad, but I am pretty sure it was just some guy or something, crossing the street. I really wish I could be convinced that ghosts are real. Then I'd know there was an afterlife. Then I wouldn't hate life so much.

We're not going to put the song online though. It's going to be on the album when it comes out. So if you want to hear it just ask me. Our next song will be on the myspace, it's called "A Ghoul Like You" That should be recorded within the week. It's real stripped down with a catchy hook to it.

I like being home, staying up all night, and just sitting in the apartment. It's comforting. I like seeing familiar places and people. It just doesn't appeal to me to be away from home. I enjoy touring because I get to play every night, and expose new people to my music, but that's ALL I like about it.

Hopefully someday(hopefully soon) I'll make enough money a month to pay for all the bills so that Julia can quit her job and be with me when I'm gone or something. I don't know what we'd do when we're home though. Eh, if I'm lucky enough to have to worry about that, then I'll worry about it when it happens.

I should get my taxes back in a week or 2 which means I give Julia money for her car, pay Al back, and get some color in my sleeve. I'm looking forward to that. 

I need to write lyrics for the new Energy song. I have a melody for it, I just need words to go with it. I really identify with Larry David on this one. I fucking hate writing...I LOVE the end product (song/recording/etc.) I just FUCKING hate sitting down and DOING it. That's probably hard for some people to understand but hey, whatever. I'm not saying I hate the music I make, I'm just saying I hate making it.

Well Julia proved me wrong about the spelling of "A Lot" I thought it was Alot, but apparently that is NOT a word. aLLot IS a word, but it means a certain "ALLOTTED" amount of something for instance.

It's 5:50 she should be getting up soon. I always look forward to seeing her in the morning. She's the best. I love you Julia :)

Apr. 2nd, 2007 at 7:04 PM (Got this from Eric)

"I was raised eating meat. It's customary, humans have been doing it for years, and I need my protein."

- Carnivore



Dear "Carnivore":

I was raised eating animals as well. I gave it up after 14 years, and gave up eggs and dairy after 16 years. It really is not that difficult. I would estimate that 90% of people who are veggie and vegan were not raised that way. If those millions of people can do it so can you. 

All the protein in meat comes from plants and is stored, along with a lot of cholesterol and saturated fat, in the meat. Elephants, race horses, and elk all eat only plants and they are among the largest and strongest land animals. Humans, like other vegetarian animals, have primarily flat teeth and we have grinding jaws that move side to side. Protein is not an issue for ANY vegan; I have never heard of anyone not getting enough protein. Most non-vegans get 2 to 4 times the protein their bodies need or should have. Excess protein causes calcium loss. Many cases of osteoporosis in older humans may not be from a lack of calcium but rather from an excess of protein.

Protein is available in large quantities in anything made from grains [wheat, rice, corn, oats, etc – breads, pastas, oatmeal, breakfast cereals, etc] beans [including soy and soy products like tofu and all the varieties of fake soy based meats, hummus and other middle eastern dishes, etc], legumes and nuts [including nut butters], and seeds. For more info please read the Protein Myth flier or our page. Look for the hyperlink that says "The Protein Myth."

As for custom, that simply is never a justifiable excuse for anything. All the forms of abuse and enslavement that we have overcome in human history were justified by saying they were customary, and we have realized that they were wrong. Just because we have been doing something wrong for X number of years is not a reason to continue doing it. In fact, realizing that something is wrong and that we have been doing it wrong is a very strong incentive to change, as soon as possible. 

There is another reason to go 100% vegan. That reason is the idea that animals are here for us to use. As long as the idea persists that non-human animals are commodities we will not achieve animal liberation.



"Take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented."



-Vegan