it's 6:30 am, I've been up since 1:15 yesterday when Josh knocked on my door to wake me up. I stayed up all night and taped a Henry Rollins spoken word performance that was on IFC that I don't have on dvd. Then I taped "House of 1,000 Corpses"
Henry Rollins has accomplished a lot in his life so far. He has put out like 4 dozen cds of music with State of Alert, Black Flag, and the Rollins band, toured the world doing spoken word shows, put out like a dozen spoken word cds, and wrote a few dozen books. He also has his own show on IFC every week, and it's doing pretty well. I hope someday I can look back at my life and know that I got my shit together, did shit for myself, and am genuinely pleased with all of my life's accomplishments. I have put out 1 music cd, I am 22 years old, working on my 2nd(and 3rd if you count the COTN album I'm working on) I would like to get more into writing. Without a doubt, I hope to write at least one book in my lifetime. as far as spoken word goes....that would be challenging for me because I have a hard enough time talking to anyone about anything, but isn't that all the more reason to strive for something? But anyways, that's a real stretch in regards to the spoken word thing, I'd wouldn't mind doing that sort of thing but...yeah. And who the hell DOESN'T want their own show? But again, not something I'm aiming for. He also acted in a bunch of small roles in movies here and there(which I would jump at the opportunity),hell I would go as far as to say that if I had the budget to work with, I'd try and write a horror movie.
But the truth is, I have a really, really, hard time sitting down and reading/writing anything. Even these livejournal updates are something I have to focus, and tell myself "ok it's time to do this". I don't know what it is. My mind is always racing with thoughts, worries, ideas, etc. yet, nothing ever really comes of it, I never take 10 minutes out of a day to relax either...think about that for a minute.
Someone who doesn't work, and doesn't hang out ANYWHERE, other than his apartment, never just sits down and relaxes(picks up a book, turns on the tv...anything),NOR does he ever get anything constructive accomplished(writing,reading, etc.)....there's something wrong with that picture. I'd like to know how I could change all of this.
But clearly, it's just a matter of self-discipline, as most things in life are. You just have to one day say "this is what I want, and I'm going to do anything, and everything it takes to get what I want."
I faced a lot of criticism about my whole "working" situation over a year ago..."what about your car payments, your apartment you have to pay for, what about this what about that?!" And since I knew..."what I want is to NOT be tied down by anything" I did everything it took to get what I wanted...and I succeeded.
On another note though, I DO need to get a job, now don't take that the wrong way, I don't need bills that I'm going to depend on a job for, I just need a job for some extra cash because, let's face it, when everything you want(food,tattoos,dvds,band merch...the list goes on.) costs money, and you don't work, you end up missing out on a lot. Not to mention the fact that Julia works WELL over 40 hours a week(between her TWO jobs...her full-time 40 hour a week job, and her part time random hours she works for my mom) for the apartment,her car, her and my cell phones, cable, phone bill, her Dell bill(which she doesn't use because her laptop has been destroyed due to water damage for a while now) to pay back Josh's dad for all the work he did on her car, pay back her mom for a ton of shit(not to mention food,gas,etc.)....and just plain pay for me to live....yeah I'd say it's pretty shitty that when I'm home from tour I can't just mentally, get my shit together enough to get a part time job somewhere just to at least give us some money to EAT more than once a day, and when we eat have it be something besides 99 cent food items....33 dollars a week for 2 ADULTS is NOT EVEN CLOSE to enough money for food.
Overall, I am just not happy with myself, and how I let each day go by without, calling my mom and resolving that problem, calling my dad so he doesn't think I hate him, getting a job, writing lyrics for the new energy album, and pretty much everything else in this entry.
I guess that's all I have to say for now, I can't even believe I got my shit together enough to write this entry, that's how pathetic I am.
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