Well, were on our way home from the tour. We won't be home til like 6 am probably later. Its hot, I'm hungry, its only like 9 and we still have like 9 more hours ahead of us, we've been driving for like 6 hours already.
Ughhhh
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Aug. 28th, 2007 at 5:16 AM
Driving. Again. I come home wednesday night I think, maybe thursday morning who knows.
Energy is going to be on the BATTERY tribute cd coming out soon. They are one of my favorite hardcore bands ever and I am more than excited to be on it. We don't know which song we're doing yet, I'm hoping for "has been".
Some of the things my band does I would have never have imagined a band that I am in would do. If u told me I was gonna be on the Battery tribute cd before I started Energy, I would have prob not beleived you. I don't know, I gues I will always just be the type that is star struck over "non star stuck worthy" things. I mean, we are all human beings and no one is better than anyone else, or on another level, so I SHOULDN'T be star struck by ANYTHING, but I'm quite the opposite.
We are on our way to Tom Assatlys house in North Carolina, should be cool. I keep forgetting he played guitar for us for a show once.....haha pretty weird.
I am really starting to notice that I don't let anyone see any of my emotions except the negative ones. Anger, rage, dissappointment, anoyance, irritability, etc.
I am a piece of shit
Energy is going to be on the BATTERY tribute cd coming out soon. They are one of my favorite hardcore bands ever and I am more than excited to be on it. We don't know which song we're doing yet, I'm hoping for "has been".
Some of the things my band does I would have never have imagined a band that I am in would do. If u told me I was gonna be on the Battery tribute cd before I started Energy, I would have prob not beleived you. I don't know, I gues I will always just be the type that is star struck over "non star stuck worthy" things. I mean, we are all human beings and no one is better than anyone else, or on another level, so I SHOULDN'T be star struck by ANYTHING, but I'm quite the opposite.
We are on our way to Tom Assatlys house in North Carolina, should be cool. I keep forgetting he played guitar for us for a show once.....haha pretty weird.
I am really starting to notice that I don't let anyone see any of my emotions except the negative ones. Anger, rage, dissappointment, anoyance, irritability, etc.
I am a piece of shit
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Aug. 26th, 2007 at 2:29 AM
In the middle of a long drive. 7 hours? 12 hours? I don't even know. My mind is numb from touring. I'm glad though. It gets my thoughts away from any possible drama that life could bring me. Its hard to explain but the more I'm away the less everyone who I'm an acquaintence with matters to me. I just realize more and more that I have nothing in common with anyone.
"Hey blah blah blah about this band, blah blah blah about your band" that's the extent to which I can have a conversation with anyone. Whatever. They don't care. I don't care.
Were driving down a long unlit road, its pretty creepy.
The Art Of Drowning is playing. It always brings me back to 2000-2001. Emotions are strange. I like bringing back old memories that make me sad about wanting the past back, its strange. Its strange in the same sense that I like going into the woods at 3 am and scaring the shit out of myself though.
They found a huge hole in the universe, pretty wild stuff:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070824/ap_on_sc/universe_hole
I'm hungry. I'm always hungry. Any time you think you're hungry, shut up. I always lose weight when I'm out on tour. It sucks.
The shows have been going well, further proving that the more you play and come back to certain areas, the more people will get into you.
I see a lot of shitty bands. And I can't stress A LOT enough. I have seen hundreds of terrible bands with no soul or passion behind their music and a lot of those bands go the whole 9 yards and get a van and tour like crazy. Its embarassing. No one ever gets into them because most people subconsciously recognize sincerity in music, and they know that these bands are only in it to be in a band. All these bands that are so hell-bent on self promotion and DIY and such that get NO WHERE need to stop. If you just wrote better songs you wouldn't have to go through all of that. Did you ever take the time and think that maybe JUST MAYBE, you aren't a good songwriter and that the world of music might be a better place without you?
You like "the scene" and music and stuff? Cool. Go set up some shows in your area, start a zine, put out a record by a friends band who might actually be worth listening to. Because when you decide that you want to tour to promote your shitty band, it just takes away from hard working bands that are on the same bill as you, and they end up not getting their "guarantees" and go way hungrier than they should.
Just because you like music doesn't mean that you're a musician. FUCK YOU.
But anyways.....
I hate driving it makes me so crazy.
I can't wait to move into the new apartment when I get back. Ill have to get a job finally to help out with bills. I just hope ill be able to save like 20 dollars a week and start to finish my sleeve. Because I NEED to finish it so bad. If I thought that when I got a job finally I wouldn't be able to save ANY money towards tattoos, I wouldn't have gotten started on my other arm. I would have added more color to my left arm.
Blah blah blah you don't care. Is you actually anyone? I don't know.
I don't feel like typing in this anymore.
"Hey blah blah blah about this band, blah blah blah about your band" that's the extent to which I can have a conversation with anyone. Whatever. They don't care. I don't care.
Were driving down a long unlit road, its pretty creepy.
The Art Of Drowning is playing. It always brings me back to 2000-2001. Emotions are strange. I like bringing back old memories that make me sad about wanting the past back, its strange. Its strange in the same sense that I like going into the woods at 3 am and scaring the shit out of myself though.
They found a huge hole in the universe, pretty wild stuff:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070824/ap_on_sc/universe_hole
I'm hungry. I'm always hungry. Any time you think you're hungry, shut up. I always lose weight when I'm out on tour. It sucks.
The shows have been going well, further proving that the more you play and come back to certain areas, the more people will get into you.
I see a lot of shitty bands. And I can't stress A LOT enough. I have seen hundreds of terrible bands with no soul or passion behind their music and a lot of those bands go the whole 9 yards and get a van and tour like crazy. Its embarassing. No one ever gets into them because most people subconsciously recognize sincerity in music, and they know that these bands are only in it to be in a band. All these bands that are so hell-bent on self promotion and DIY and such that get NO WHERE need to stop. If you just wrote better songs you wouldn't have to go through all of that. Did you ever take the time and think that maybe JUST MAYBE, you aren't a good songwriter and that the world of music might be a better place without you?
You like "the scene" and music and stuff? Cool. Go set up some shows in your area, start a zine, put out a record by a friends band who might actually be worth listening to. Because when you decide that you want to tour to promote your shitty band, it just takes away from hard working bands that are on the same bill as you, and they end up not getting their "guarantees" and go way hungrier than they should.
Just because you like music doesn't mean that you're a musician. FUCK YOU.
But anyways.....
I hate driving it makes me so crazy.
I can't wait to move into the new apartment when I get back. Ill have to get a job finally to help out with bills. I just hope ill be able to save like 20 dollars a week and start to finish my sleeve. Because I NEED to finish it so bad. If I thought that when I got a job finally I wouldn't be able to save ANY money towards tattoos, I wouldn't have gotten started on my other arm. I would have added more color to my left arm.
Blah blah blah you don't care. Is you actually anyone? I don't know.
I don't feel like typing in this anymore.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Aug. 23rd, 2007 at 5:59 PM
A girl told me she wishes her eyebrows looked as good as mine yesterday.
:)
Yesterday we went to whole foods and I ate mouthfulls of cookies and donuts followed by bolthouse. It was a fantastic treat.
I also ate pizza at a place in Virginia called Crustys. It is a rock n roll themed pizza place open until 3 am with a TV and couches. It was needless to say, very relaxing and nice. The owner and workers were very amicable they came over and asked us how we liked the food, and talked to us for a while about Crustys. I plan on going there every single time we go through Richmond.
The heat is starting to get out of control. I don't know how hot it is, but its very uncomfortable. I plan on wearing long pants the whole time though. I can't let the heat stand in the way of me dressing/looking how I want.
I can't wait to be back in Stoughton, moved into our new apartment, with halloween/fall decorations and candles. I can't wait for the cool autumn air and the leaves changing to red, brown, orange, and yellow and falling off. I can't wait to go for walks during that time of year again. I can't wait to carve jack o lanterns.
Energy does NOT use air conditioning on tour............in south carolina, florida, in AUGUST..........think about how awful that is......driving in August in the south, with 6 other people in a van, 90 plus degrees at all times, and NO air conditioning, yeah I know - FUCKING BULLSHIT
:)
Yesterday we went to whole foods and I ate mouthfulls of cookies and donuts followed by bolthouse. It was a fantastic treat.
I also ate pizza at a place in Virginia called Crustys. It is a rock n roll themed pizza place open until 3 am with a TV and couches. It was needless to say, very relaxing and nice. The owner and workers were very amicable they came over and asked us how we liked the food, and talked to us for a while about Crustys. I plan on going there every single time we go through Richmond.
The heat is starting to get out of control. I don't know how hot it is, but its very uncomfortable. I plan on wearing long pants the whole time though. I can't let the heat stand in the way of me dressing/looking how I want.
I can't wait to be back in Stoughton, moved into our new apartment, with halloween/fall decorations and candles. I can't wait for the cool autumn air and the leaves changing to red, brown, orange, and yellow and falling off. I can't wait to go for walks during that time of year again. I can't wait to carve jack o lanterns.
Energy does NOT use air conditioning on tour............in south carolina, florida, in AUGUST..........think about how awful that is......driving in August in the south, with 6 other people in a van, 90 plus degrees at all times, and NO air conditioning, yeah I know - FUCKING BULLSHIT
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Aug. 11th, 2007
I am beyond pissed off that I have to leave in like 4 days for an east coast tour ..... again.
Long van rides. Nothing. Aggravation. Hunger. Nothing. More nothing. Tired. Hungry. More nothing. Depression. Anger. Nothing.
Unload/play/load ....repeat
It beats having a job though.
And I will never stop.
Besides music, love, and ice cream.....
What's the point of living?
I'm getting a record player from Chris Nothing :)
Show today was good.
Go it alone is dead now - another reason for me to look back and miss something/place and want to die.
Who gives a shit. Feelings are all in your head, and nothing matters.
Seriously though to quote Bill Hicks "Its just a ride"
FUCK
Long van rides. Nothing. Aggravation. Hunger. Nothing. More nothing. Tired. Hungry. More nothing. Depression. Anger. Nothing.
Unload/play/load ....repeat
It beats having a job though.
And I will never stop.
Besides music, love, and ice cream.....
What's the point of living?
I'm getting a record player from Chris Nothing :)
Show today was good.
Go it alone is dead now - another reason for me to look back and miss something/place and want to die.
Who gives a shit. Feelings are all in your head, and nothing matters.
Seriously though to quote Bill Hicks "Its just a ride"
FUCK
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
Aug. 7th, 2007 at 1:50 AM
I didn't do anything today. All I did was wake up, watch TV, and downloaded cds. When Julia came home we went to stop and shop and got food cus she's awesome. The milk was bad so I drove back and returned it. That's the only time I left the apartment. Not really any different from any other day really.
Tomorrow we have practice, and Wednesday we have a show. That's the only time I do anything is when it's band related. We leave August 15th I think for 2 weeks until August 31st. Then when I come home....I won't come home because I won't have an apartment for 2 weeks after I get back(Til September 15th) - Pretty Shitty.
I should be writing and reading more. I always say that and I never do it. Whatever. I could read and write until I'm blind and my hands fall off and it doesn't matter anyways because we're all just going to die.
I want to believe in ghosts so bad. I want there to be life after death. I'm not one of those angry atheists who just wants to tear hope and happiness away from people because I see how dumb they are....I WISH I was that dumb. How great it would have been had I been born mentally retarded. I wouldn't have a care/worry in the world. I'd always be happy. And who knows, maybe I wouldn't understand death.
Humans are the only species that KNOW that they are DESTINED to die.
Every other species are too stupid to know. My cats don't know that they are without a doubt going to die,GUARANTEED, someday. They just live life and it comes and they never knew it until it happened. I wish I wasn't human. I wish I thought that there was a CHANCE I wouldn't die.
I am going to experience DYING. Do you understand how horrible that is?! No you don't. Neither do I.
I wish I could stop thinking about it, but I can't. It's all that's on my mind - Always.
There is a positive side to the way I am. I don't believe in self-destruction/degradation etc. I don't believe in unnecessary suffering of any kind. I genuinely WANT to be happy at ALL times. It just doesn't happen.
Eh, I'm spent on that subject for now.
If there is a god, I want to thank him for Ice Cream.
I've always had the Rollins band's "The End Of Silence" DEMOS, but never the actual album until now, and I'm glad I do.
I recently found the Marilyn Manson Autobiography in my mom's basement. There's some old pictures of him from back in the Spooky Kids days and I must say, he WAS pretty cute. It's amazing what TOO MUCH MAKEUP can do to someone - Yuck.
I was also reading about how much he wrote when he was younger which made me mad at myself for not writing more.
It's too bad he sings like a fucking idiot. Some of the songs aren't bad, he just tries way to hard to sound "Creepy,evil,satanic,etc".
Gimmicky voices suck.
This entry is getting long.
You probably won't read it.
Every time I go out, I realize why I CHOOSE to hang out by myself 99% of the time. No one else is me. And I don't disagree with myself constantly. I don't get in arguments with myself. When I'm around other people all I can do is see all of their flaws and it makes me not want to be with them. Of course, I have flaws as well, but to me, they aren't flaws. And that is truly all that matters - what I think. Because outside of my mind there is nothing. Inside my mind is everything. My perception is all that matters. If all I did with my time was rape, kill, and torture, and I didn't see it as being wrong, that would be all that matters, because I don't see it as wrong.
Chappelle's Show is on now I'm gonna go watch.
Tomorrow we have practice, and Wednesday we have a show. That's the only time I do anything is when it's band related. We leave August 15th I think for 2 weeks until August 31st. Then when I come home....I won't come home because I won't have an apartment for 2 weeks after I get back(Til September 15th) - Pretty Shitty.
I should be writing and reading more. I always say that and I never do it. Whatever. I could read and write until I'm blind and my hands fall off and it doesn't matter anyways because we're all just going to die.
I want to believe in ghosts so bad. I want there to be life after death. I'm not one of those angry atheists who just wants to tear hope and happiness away from people because I see how dumb they are....I WISH I was that dumb. How great it would have been had I been born mentally retarded. I wouldn't have a care/worry in the world. I'd always be happy. And who knows, maybe I wouldn't understand death.
Humans are the only species that KNOW that they are DESTINED to die.
Every other species are too stupid to know. My cats don't know that they are without a doubt going to die,GUARANTEED, someday. They just live life and it comes and they never knew it until it happened. I wish I wasn't human. I wish I thought that there was a CHANCE I wouldn't die.
I am going to experience DYING. Do you understand how horrible that is?! No you don't. Neither do I.
I wish I could stop thinking about it, but I can't. It's all that's on my mind - Always.
There is a positive side to the way I am. I don't believe in self-destruction/degradation etc. I don't believe in unnecessary suffering of any kind. I genuinely WANT to be happy at ALL times. It just doesn't happen.
Eh, I'm spent on that subject for now.
If there is a god, I want to thank him for Ice Cream.
I've always had the Rollins band's "The End Of Silence" DEMOS, but never the actual album until now, and I'm glad I do.
I recently found the Marilyn Manson Autobiography in my mom's basement. There's some old pictures of him from back in the Spooky Kids days and I must say, he WAS pretty cute. It's amazing what TOO MUCH MAKEUP can do to someone - Yuck.
I was also reading about how much he wrote when he was younger which made me mad at myself for not writing more.
It's too bad he sings like a fucking idiot. Some of the songs aren't bad, he just tries way to hard to sound "Creepy,evil,satanic,etc".
Gimmicky voices suck.
This entry is getting long.
You probably won't read it.
Every time I go out, I realize why I CHOOSE to hang out by myself 99% of the time. No one else is me. And I don't disagree with myself constantly. I don't get in arguments with myself. When I'm around other people all I can do is see all of their flaws and it makes me not want to be with them. Of course, I have flaws as well, but to me, they aren't flaws. And that is truly all that matters - what I think. Because outside of my mind there is nothing. Inside my mind is everything. My perception is all that matters. If all I did with my time was rape, kill, and torture, and I didn't see it as being wrong, that would be all that matters, because I don't see it as wrong.
Chappelle's Show is on now I'm gonna go watch.
Saturday, August 4, 2007
Aug. 4th, 2007
Last night's show was really cool. I'm glad that so many people came out, it's just a shame that shows aren't like that all the time. That used to be a normal turnout, but this time is surprised everyone(including myself) and it shouldn't be that way. It takes a friends band breaking up for something like that to happen :(
Our set went really well(aside from being the least tight band in current music that is)
Kids I've never seen before were singing along to all the songs(even the new ones!) which really excited me. I'm glad people aren't abandoning us because of our change of sound, it was inevitable. Every band should try and explore new ground with every release. I firmly stand by that, because if you release the same album more than once, it's just a re-hashed version of what you already did and it's not very exciting.
I'm also REALLY happy to see that certain people aren't holding grudges towards us because of past member differences/mutual friendships etc.
I'm listening to the new Blaqk Audio cd "CexCells" it's really good(so far-my computer is so slow downloading things)
We're playing a show in Haverhill with COA and The Carrier today. should be fun.
I haven't been exercising AT ALL this past week. No running, no lifting, no sit-ups/pushups etc. I plan on getting back on top of all that starting tonight after I get back from the show.
Can't wait to spend all day tomorrow with Julia, I've only hung out with her once since Energy got back from tour, and we go back out pretty soon too, so I'd like to have as much time as I can to spend with her as possible.
I can't wait for our new record to just be written and recorded and released...not that I don't like playing our EP songs because, I've started to come around again on them in the aspect that they are our older songs(even though they're the majority of our set) I find comfort in knowing that they are old and that it's not a proper representation of what we all want to be doing right now, BUT at the same time they are good songs representing a certain time and place in our lives. I know that some people will not like our newer stuff but that's ok with me. As long as we like it.
Well I have to go finish getting ready for the show.
Thank you for reading :)
Our set went really well(aside from being the least tight band in current music that is)
Kids I've never seen before were singing along to all the songs(even the new ones!) which really excited me. I'm glad people aren't abandoning us because of our change of sound, it was inevitable. Every band should try and explore new ground with every release. I firmly stand by that, because if you release the same album more than once, it's just a re-hashed version of what you already did and it's not very exciting.
I'm also REALLY happy to see that certain people aren't holding grudges towards us because of past member differences/mutual friendships etc.
I'm listening to the new Blaqk Audio cd "CexCells" it's really good(so far-my computer is so slow downloading things)
We're playing a show in Haverhill with COA and The Carrier today. should be fun.
I haven't been exercising AT ALL this past week. No running, no lifting, no sit-ups/pushups etc. I plan on getting back on top of all that starting tonight after I get back from the show.
Can't wait to spend all day tomorrow with Julia, I've only hung out with her once since Energy got back from tour, and we go back out pretty soon too, so I'd like to have as much time as I can to spend with her as possible.
I can't wait for our new record to just be written and recorded and released...not that I don't like playing our EP songs because, I've started to come around again on them in the aspect that they are our older songs(even though they're the majority of our set) I find comfort in knowing that they are old and that it's not a proper representation of what we all want to be doing right now, BUT at the same time they are good songs representing a certain time and place in our lives. I know that some people will not like our newer stuff but that's ok with me. As long as we like it.
Well I have to go finish getting ready for the show.
Thank you for reading :)
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