I didn't do anything today. All I did was wake up, watch TV, and downloaded cds. When Julia came home we went to stop and shop and got food cus she's awesome. The milk was bad so I drove back and returned it. That's the only time I left the apartment. Not really any different from any other day really.
Tomorrow we have practice, and Wednesday we have a show. That's the only time I do anything is when it's band related. We leave August 15th I think for 2 weeks until August 31st. Then when I come home....I won't come home because I won't have an apartment for 2 weeks after I get back(Til September 15th) - Pretty Shitty.
I should be writing and reading more. I always say that and I never do it. Whatever. I could read and write until I'm blind and my hands fall off and it doesn't matter anyways because we're all just going to die.
I want to believe in ghosts so bad. I want there to be life after death. I'm not one of those angry atheists who just wants to tear hope and happiness away from people because I see how dumb they are....I WISH I was that dumb. How great it would have been had I been born mentally retarded. I wouldn't have a care/worry in the world. I'd always be happy. And who knows, maybe I wouldn't understand death.
Humans are the only species that KNOW that they are DESTINED to die.
Every other species are too stupid to know. My cats don't know that they are without a doubt going to die,GUARANTEED, someday. They just live life and it comes and they never knew it until it happened. I wish I wasn't human. I wish I thought that there was a CHANCE I wouldn't die.
I am going to experience DYING. Do you understand how horrible that is?! No you don't. Neither do I.
I wish I could stop thinking about it, but I can't. It's all that's on my mind - Always.
There is a positive side to the way I am. I don't believe in self-destruction/degradation etc. I don't believe in unnecessary suffering of any kind. I genuinely WANT to be happy at ALL times. It just doesn't happen.
Eh, I'm spent on that subject for now.
If there is a god, I want to thank him for Ice Cream.
I've always had the Rollins band's "The End Of Silence" DEMOS, but never the actual album until now, and I'm glad I do.
I recently found the Marilyn Manson Autobiography in my mom's basement. There's some old pictures of him from back in the Spooky Kids days and I must say, he WAS pretty cute. It's amazing what TOO MUCH MAKEUP can do to someone - Yuck.
I was also reading about how much he wrote when he was younger which made me mad at myself for not writing more.
It's too bad he sings like a fucking idiot. Some of the songs aren't bad, he just tries way to hard to sound "Creepy,evil,satanic,etc".
Gimmicky voices suck.
This entry is getting long.
You probably won't read it.
Every time I go out, I realize why I CHOOSE to hang out by myself 99% of the time. No one else is me. And I don't disagree with myself constantly. I don't get in arguments with myself. When I'm around other people all I can do is see all of their flaws and it makes me not want to be with them. Of course, I have flaws as well, but to me, they aren't flaws. And that is truly all that matters - what I think. Because outside of my mind there is nothing. Inside my mind is everything. My perception is all that matters. If all I did with my time was rape, kill, and torture, and I didn't see it as being wrong, that would be all that matters, because I don't see it as wrong.
Chappelle's Show is on now I'm gonna go watch.
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