I'm so cold

Here we are, another update. This one will probably be relatively brief, maybe not though, we'll see. I finished the song I was working on, for the most part. I can't remember if I wrote that in yesterday's entry. I'm always so cold at my mom's house. The heater blows out cold air in my room and it's drafty anyways. I'm hungry. Julia's coming home in like 2 hours or so, I think at least. I'm going to make us pizza. I asked Jason to see if he could edit together my vision for a music video for Energy's Revelations. I might also see if dose will help me make one in the van during a long drive or something, and I'll just use the best one. Julia just called me and I guess we're going to Town Spa. I haven't had that in a while, should be fun, I just hope I don't have a panic attack from going out into public.

I THINK I just figured out how to burn .avi files to DVD using iDvd. The preview for all of my previous attempts didn't play successfully, but after downloading this encoder called Perian, it plays fine. The only downside is that it takes longer than the length of the movie to burn. I'm burning Tropic Thunder now, and it's looking like it's going to take upwards of 3 hours to burn.

I just started talking to Mike about this, I think I'm finally "grown up" enough, and at the point where I don't feel embarrassed of the things I've done recently. It seemed that up until now, I would always look back to where I was, what I said, or what I did, a year or 2 before, and feel ashamed. I think I started this "coming into my own mentally" right around the time that me and Joe started writing our first songs together, and me and Mike wrote In The Graveyard. I say this because those are the 2 most recent things I can think of that I don't feel embarrassed about in the least, and have full confidence in. Even looking back to when Energy first started, I like the songs on Punch The Clock, but as a songwriter, I'm kind of embarrassed at some of it. That statement can be misinterpreted in so many ways, but I know what I mean. I like the songs, I was sincere when I wrote them, etc etc etc, but looking back, I can't help but feel a little embarrassed as far as my personal input in the songs goes. I love playing the songs, and it represents the origins of the band and everything, but me and Joe wrote Hail The Size Of Grapes like 2 years ago now, and looking back on that, I don't feel ashamed of it at all. I love that song just as much as I would if we wrote it last week. Maybe that's what I mean, maybe I mean that certain songs/parts of songs on Punch The Clock already seem dated to me. So maybe "embarrassed" isn't the word. Whatever, everything I ever say for the rest of my life is going to be taken entirely the wrong way anyways so fuck it: I know I'm awesome, I'm the best at everything I do, I don't talk to you because I think I'm better than you....hmmm what else are people praying that I just openly "admit to being true"? ........You get the point. Or maybe you don't. You probably don't. Haha, maybe that's what I should start doing, just being over the top and saying outrageous things that make me seem like a dick. At least then people will have a justified reason to think the things that they do about me. So many people tell me that people say to them when my name is brought up: "Oh I heard he's a dick" "Oh I hear hes an arrogant prick" "He thinks he's the next Glenn Danzig" "Hes cocky" "he's this, he's that" what did I ever do to these people? Nothing. They have never talked to me once in their lives, and if they did, it was for a split second, giving no insight whatsoever to who I am, or how I am. I saw online once "If I have to hear one more "whoa" out of that FAGGOT vocalist, I'm going to shoot myself". Haha, we all laughed pretty hard at it, but really, these people could just criticize our songwriting, that's fine, say "Almost every one of their songs has a "whoa" part, and I think that gets a little repetitive." or even "and I think they fuckin suck because of that" that's fine too. But really, what did I do to make people have such serious problems with me personally?

Well, I certainly went a little off topic there now didn't I. Haha fuck it. Julia's here, time for Town Spa Pizza. I'll try and update more later.

*Currently Listening To: Nothing