Why can't I stay asleep?

Yup, the title says it all. I woke up at 4am, I'm exhausted, and I can't fall back to sleep. Also, my sidekick got shut off until sometime in the middle of next week because we can't afford to pay any of our bills. Well, Julia can't afford to pay MY bills... I'm a piece of shit. Since my phone got shut off I can't email my European journal entries to my computer, so those are going to have to wait now. Plus, for some reason, I can receive phone calls, and texts, but I can't make outgoing calls, texts, or anything that involves service. Julia said she got me/us a surprise, and that it should come in the mail this week. She said it's expensive. I have no clue what it could be.

We are taking only 1 van, our van, for the Debaser/BearTrap tour. Which means 11 or 12 people in 1 van. That is just plain going to suck. I've been working really hard at writing my song and I've come up with verse and chorus parts, but the hard part is annexing them together. I found a way to make the chorus go back into the verse, but can't seem to find a way to make the veres go into the chorus. The verse ends on E minor, and the chorus begins on A. It just doesn't sound right going straight into the chorus so I have to figure something out. I am really hoping to finish it musically before I go on the Debaser/BearTrap tour. I can always listen to it on my iPod in the van and try and come up with lyrics and melodies.

My life is so uneventful lately that I spend most of my time thinking of an excuse to update this. It's really a miracle I even find things to write about. I don't really mind making updates this often though, because the more I write and document, the cooler it will be to look back on years from now. I'm pretty hungry right now and I don't have any food. I wake up exhausted every single day and my head is always pounding. If it weren't for the headaches I wouldn't care so much because when I finally get tired I pass right out, but only for a couple hours at a time.

Early this morning, after my last update, I made a list of all the records I own. I dont' have an impressive collection or anything, I just want to start keeping track. This is my list as of today:

12"

A.F.I. - Shut Your Mouth And Open Your Eyes (White /300)
A.F.I. - Black Sails In The Sunset (Dark Blue/Green Splatter)
A.F.I. - Sing The Sorrow (2 LP Gatefold, Clear Red /10,000
Aus - Rotten - The Rotten Agenda
Clash, The - London Calling (2 LP, 1979)
Circle Jerks, The - Wild In The Streets
Dead Kennedys, The - Plastic Surgery Disasters
Energy - Invasions Of The Mind (Gatefold, 1st pressing, Teal /200)
Energy - Invasions Of The Mind (Gatefold, 1st pressing, Orange /500)
Energy - Invasions Of The Mind (Gatefold, 1st pressing, Dark Blue /1300)
Four Year Strong - Rise Or Die Trying (180 G, Purple/Yellow /300)
Geeks, The - Every Time We Fall (Brown/Yellow)
Gorilla Biscuits - Start Today
Jello Biafra - The Big Ka-Boom, Part One
Misfits, The - Static Age
Misfits, The - Beware
Misfits, The - Collection 2
No Hold Back...All Attack!!! - (3 LP)
Queen - Greatest Hits
Stop And Think - Both Demos
Unseen, The - The Anger And The Truth

7"

:30 Seconds Over Tokyo - A Day In The Suburbs (Split w/ The Trouble)
A.F.I. - A Fire Inside E.P. (Clear Yellow)
American Nightmare - The Sun Isn't Getting Any Brighter
Black Flag - Nervous Breakdown
Black Flag - Louie Louie
Crunch Time - The Realness
Darkbuster - Skullbuster, Split w/ The Skullys
Dropkick Murphys, The - Split w/ Oxymoron
Dropkick Murphys, The - Mob Mentality (Split w/ The Business)
Ducky Boys, The - Split w/ The Shods
Energy - Race The Sun (Black, /300)
Energy - Race The Sun (Clear Purple /700)
Go It Alone - Vancouver Gold (Clear, 76/100)
Go It Alone - Split w/Blue Monday (White)
Guns Up! - Game Over (Clear Blue, Tour Press - 38/90)
Ignite - Split w/ Slapshot
In My Eyes - Live In Philly
Kill Your Idols - Something Started Here (5 Disc Box Set,
-Disc 1- Black/Clear White w/Black Splatter,
-Disc 2 - Black/Clear Blue,
-Disc 3 - Black/Clear Green,
-Disc 4 - Black/Clear Red,
-Disc 5 - Black/Clear Yellow w/Black Splatter)
Lockin' Out Records - Sweet Vision (Green/White Marble)
Mental - And You Know This
Minor Threat - First Demo Tape (Clear Maroon)
Misfits, The - Cough Cool/She
Misfits, The - 3 Hits From Hell
Panic - Dying For It
Panic - S/T (Clear)
Ramones, The - I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend
R'N'R' - I've Had It/Your Rules
Shark Attack - Blood In The Water
Spitting Teeth - Split w/1-2-Go! Crew
Stand And Fight - Impact Demo (Clear Blue, /300)
Ten Yard Fight - Split w/Fastbreak (Clear Red)
Ten Yard Fight - The Only Way (Clear Maroon)
Usm, The - True To Your School,(Grey marble)
Youth Attack - S/T

Like I said, not that impressive, but I am trying to start collecting more. I never really had much of an interest in making sure that I have every color of every pressing, but I guess if it's not too much of a pain I will take whatever I can get. There's a lot more fun in collecting records than collecting cds. Records are far better than cds anyway. People are afraid to admit that cds are becoming obsolete. I know that digitally recorded music sounds better through a digital format, but mp3s exist, and so do CDRs. Nowadays, I download all of my music for free on the internet, and music that I really like, I will try and acquire the vinyl for it because as far as the layout goes (the only appeal to owning a physical copy of an album) vinyl IS better. It's a larger picture. Would you rather look at a large picture or a small picture? That's what I thought. If you are worried about the portable aspect of music in this vinyl-pressing-only world that I speak of, download the digital download that your vinyl purchase definitely came with, and burn a CDR of it to play in your car. OR, you could even get with the times more by getting an iPod adapter for your car. Most cars nowadays come with an auxilary input for iPods anyway. So in reality, "getting with the times" involves reverting to an outdated format, sounds strange but it's true. There are no benefits to pressing CDs anymore. I also think that old punk records/records recorded on analog sound cooler/better anyway. Everyone that's reading this has probably already heard me rant and rave about this before, but you chose to read it!

Joe mentioned to me earlier that he likes the idea of the songwriting credits, so for my own entertainment I'm going to list all the credits for Invasions Of The Mind now:

01. Invasions (Music: Tankerley/Freedman)

02. Hunter Red (Music: O'Brien/Freedman/Mancini, Lyrics & Melodies: Tankerley)

03. The Silence (Music: Freedman, Lyrics & Melodies: Tankerley)

04. Heaven (Music: Freedman/Tankerley, Lyrics & Melodies: Tankerley)

05. 400 (Music: O'Brien/Freedman/Tankerley, Lyrics & Melodies: Tankerley)

06. Contact (Music: Freedman, Lyrics & Melodies: Tankerley/Curran)

07. Hail The Size Of Grapes (Music: Freedman/Tankerley, Lyrics & Melodies: Tankerley)

08. 2 Whole Minutes Underwater (Music: Tankerley/Freedman, Lyrics & Melodies: Tankerley)

09. The Satellite And The Hit (Music: Freedman, Lyrics & Melodies: Tankerley)

10. Revelations (Music: Freedman, Lyrics & Melodies: Tankerley)

11. Brickstone (Music: Freedman, Lyrics & Melodies: Tankerley)

Maybe in a future pressing of IOTM we could have these next to each song title, who knows, maybe we could even have it remixed and remastered so it doesn't sound like a pile of shit. I wanted to give myself sole writing credits for Invasions, but I'm pretty sure Joe deserves credit for helping shape it from just the one riff into a whole song. I helped too, but I'm pretty sure Joe did too. If I'm wrong about any of these just tell me Joe, and I will go back and edit this entry. The new cd is probably going to have a lot of (Music: Freedman)'s and (Music: Tankerley/Freedman)'s and who knows maybe even a few (Music: Tankerley)'s thrown in there. I'm not opposed to other people having input with the melodies, but I feel there's a specific standard that I hold for melodies that would have to be met before committing to anything. Call me a "melody snob" or something, I don't know, but I just can't stand lazy melodies, too many bands do it. They put no thought into whether or not people are going to walk away from their record/cd players and still be humming the melodies to themselves. If you don't care enough to do that, then why even sing? Why not just scream and yell what you have to say? That's just my opinion.

I don't know what I'm going to do today. I don't know if Julia plans on hanging out with her sister all day, but I hope she doesn't so we can hang out haha, call me selfish, but I think it's justified seeing as I am always leaving for tours and they can both see each other anytime they want. My hair is getting disgusting, I need to take a shower. It sounds gross, but unless I am going somewhere, I don't really have any incentive to take a shower until I feel I need one, as opposed to every single day when I wake up no matter what. I need an eyebrow wax too, badly. I haven't been looking too great lately. I'm pretty sure I haven't worn make up yet this year. I haven't really had any need to. I played one show, but I was so out of it that I didn't care. It's not the most important thing in the world, but I like to know that I look OK when I'm in public. I can't wait to finish writing my song, it's all I can think about.

I can't think of anything else to write about right now so this entry is over.

Currently Listening To: (On vinyl)